Help me!
I do try to pick my battles when it comes to SD14. I let so much slide ... When I do stand firm on something, it becomes a battle of the wills. I think because her father lets her get her way when push comes to shove.
Our house has off-white carpet, which we cannot afford to replace. In the dining room is unique patterned carpet, off white and dark green. Replacing it would be even more costly, and it matches the room well. The previous owner spent some time and money putting that together.
So, the dining room carpet I would like to keep clean. I literally spend hours on my hands and knees with cleaner and a rag, scrubbing spots and stains. No one else does. But SD14 keeps leaving her shoes on the dining room carpet.
She has been told no less than a dozen times to put shoes on the rug by the front door (five feet away) or on the carpet in the kitchen (which we plan to replace, who wants carpet in the kitchen?), or in her bedroom, or the garage. Lots of options, as you can see.
I finally told husband the other day that I was sick of talking to her about it. From now on, when I see her shoes on that carpet, they will disappear from the house. His reaction: What will she wear? I said: She has a ton of shoes. Maybe this will make her see that I'm serious.
In the three days since I said that, I have removed two pairs of shoes. I am so frustrated... BD4 knows better and puts her shoes by the front door or in the kitchen.
What do you guys think? I know this is a small thing in the overall scheme, but it's a symptom of a larger problem.
Keep taking them
And when she wants them back tell her she has to do a chore (like cleaning the carpet) to get them back. That will make her think twice-has she even noticed her shoes are missing? How irritating-
She hasn't noticed
I don't even know if she will until she runs out of shoes to wear. And she would never talk to me about it, she would go straight to her dad because he is the pushover.
I removed another pair
There they were last night, the third pair in four days. She hasn't said anything yet. I wonder if she'll ever get the hint. Maybe when she doesn't have ANY shoes to wear.
Good for you
Keep taking them-I have learned that if you ignore the issue it will continue and get worse. As I posted in previous days my SD washed her clothes with sanitary pads still attached-this is after her Dad had a talk with her about keeping used sanitary items wrapped up and taken out the trashcan every night, he told her this on two seperate occasions because that "stuff grosses him out" She was just throwing the clothes and pads in her dirty clothes basket and leaving them there for days.Well when he told her I had to clean up her disgusting mess-she apologized to me and cleaned out the washer and dryer with disenfecant wipes. I really think she just forgets and is lazy-but after having to do all her clothes again-clean the washer and dryer-have her cell taken away-and apologize to me, I don't think it will happen again. But even after all of that she left he dirty wipes in a pile on the floor-which got her sent to her room for the night. BTW she is in the ninth grade!
She finally noticed!
I came home last night, and three pairs of shoes that had been in the kitchen (one of mine and two belonging to BD4) were on the floor in the garage. I told my husband either he or the person who put them there (SD) needed to bring them back inside. She was laying on the couch and he said, "Do you want to bring those shoes back inside?" And she said "No." She was mad, but he made her bring them back in.
She was pissy all evening, and she and I finally got into it. StressedoutSM, you will appreciate this. She takes her used sanitary products (tampons, etc.) and puts them in the trash can in OUR bathroom. I caught her doing it last night and told her she needed to put them in the trash can in the garage. That led to a long, loud outburst from her, and I called her father up to deal with it. (Of course, his way of dealing with it is to just let it go. Whatever.)
important...who is doing the disciplining?
I noticed that sometimes when I say something, SD ignores it. When DH says something, she does it..faster. DH tells SD that she needs to listen to me too (every now and then he'll tell her..actually, lol, only once, blah!) I'm assuming you're the one getting mad about the carpet? You mentioned he's a pushover...is he helping the cause?
very important
when I 1st met FSS, he was OK til he got a little comfortable with me then I noticed a lot of rude things came out. I basically read the riot act to FH. Every week I would ask him to do one new polite thing such as saying "please and thank you." The toughest is "Hello and goodbye"
He sorta mumbles greeting to me but I found out that BM told him he should not talk to me and that when she discusses me, she does not call me by my proper name, she made up a nickname that I told FSS not to call me by. FSS still feels weird just calling me by name in fact usually he addresses his father and not me. This is still irritating, but I transfer my feeling of frustration to the BM. I suppose I have disengaged a bit too.
After a while I let a lot drop and I do make FH be the enforcer. But if something bothers me I make certain FH knows it, and he responds, basically because I have given him no choice.
What's funny is that a lot of my family met FSS and said they thought I was actually being pretty tough on him. I feel like I would lose my sanity if I allowed him to be so rude and if anything, I do let him get away with a lot. But I have come to realize that 12 is a pretty tough age for anyone to deal with.
shoes
When my kids were small the shoes stayed outside. Now that they are older, they still take off their shoes(even at their place).
SS takes his shoes off to walk on light carpet AT ALL TIMES.
I bought an area rug for the family room that I WAS CONSTANTLY CLEANING. After two weeks of cleaning it---POOOOOF, I TOOK IT AWAY. I will not clean up after people.
So, no, you are not being ridiculous. It is a power struggle between you, your SD and your husband.
To booster
No, my husband is the pushover when it comes to discipline. Even with our two BDs. The problem is, he lets me handle discipline with them but not with SD. So she gets away with anything. If I feel strongly enough about something (like the shoes), I can drag him over to my side (although not willingly). Frankly, I have given up caring if he is willing or not, if it is something I feel strongly about.
Keep it up
You will have to keep taking the shoes and when she has none the point will be made though she will never admit it. What's up with these SD and their sanitary stuff? My SD16 who moved back with her BM on Thursday after flunking the last 8 weeks of the semester left tampons and sanitary napkins in the garbage can for everyone to see.I tauhgt her to wrap them up but she persisted in leaving the stuff out for everyone to see. I told her how nasty that was and so did DH. My BD 21 told her it was nasty and to stop it. Seems that many DH have a real problem disciplining the skids. DH did not make SD16 do anything to help which drove me crazy because he was overly diligent reminding BD21 to do her chores when she was the same age.HUGE double standard.
Similar incident here.....a couple years back.
I tell the kids 3 times...Bio and Step. If they don't listen after this, I just throw them out on the lawn....twice....the third time I throw their shoes/boots in the garbage pail right in front of them. That is usually the last time I have to deal with it. Naturally when this happens they freak and there is a screaming match for a few minutes...but they know that I am not fooling with them anymore and I tell them the next time it happens I will not tell them they are thrown out...so if they are missing, chances are they are already covered in other garbage that gets thrown in on top. Some of my friends think I am a bit strict with my ways, but I must admit, I do not have the same problems with my kids being disrespectful as others....I am never embarassed to take them anywhere for fear of what they may say or do....others aren't as fortunate. I would also like to add that I have a good relationship with my kids, we are very close. SS's are a different story, they are forbidden to even try to like me by the BM. Believe me, we have heard about me throwing their shoes in the garbage once where they had to pick them out and wipe them off. But what can she really do about it, our house, our rules AND child support helps pay to put these shoes on their feet as well.
Everything is a battle with this kid
I guess that is my main problem with the situation.
She won't change her sheets, and she only showers once a week! Well, she has an electric blanket and won't use the top sheet. I have told her many times that if she doesn't use a top sheet (to keep the blanket from being filthy) that she can't have the blanket. She ignores me. I took the electric blanket away completely last winter and she's back at it again. I don't want to start WWIII, but I want her to know that I mean what I say. I would do the same to my BD...
A million other examples like that, most of which I have to let go. When push comes to shove with her father, he backs down. Easier than fighting with her. But easier is not always better in the long run.
Good for you girl
Too bad if she gets mad-that is just pure laziness. Why would you and your husband want to clean up her mess for her-that is probaly why she has been sneaking in your bathroom, just so she wont have to deal with cleaning it up. If she does it again-make your husband clean out the trashcan them maybe his attitude wont be "whatever".....I know my DH does not handle that stuff very well....At least he did make her put the shoes up though-that's something.
Well, the peace lasted for more than a week
So maybe that is something. I found ANOTHER pair of SD14's shoes on dining room carpet last night and so took them away. Will see what backlash I have to face tonight!
Sounds so familiar
My SD10 is very similar. I have a sport by the door where everyone's shoes are to go. She very rarely does it, and instead stomps into her room, across our light beige carpet...which is great, espcially in the winter! Problem is, I have trouble getting my husband to do it too. I've pretty much given up THAT battle.
My constant battle with her, for months now, has been turning off the bathroom light when she's done. Every time she comes out, I say just one word: "light." And she grumbled and goes back to do it.
Another problem: she doesn't like to flush the toilet. Which is just disgusting.
Oh yeah, another one: Put the damn cap pack on the toothpaste. And when you use shampoo/conditioner, put them back on the shelf, don't just drop them on the floor of the tub.
Oh this one is great too: Rolling down the waistband on pants/shorts. It drives both me and her father insane. She's been told not to do it. But she still does it, all the time. Even with her pajamas, and I just don't get it. If you wanna look like a ho when you go to school, I don't like it but what can I do. But why walk around in front of your parents like that?
i could go on and on. but i don't know if its really a stepkid issue, or just a defiant kid issue, you know?
We have the same SD?
All those things are issues with my SD too, and she's 14! But I picked my battles and chose the shoes on the dining room carpet (see above). SD doesn't turn off the hall light, doesn't push in her chair at the dining room table, doesn't flush the toilet, dumps shampoo/conditioner on the floor in the tub, and rolls down the waistband on her shorts! They're clones! Other annoying things she does: Crack all her knuckles one by one while she's sitting right next to me, turn on the hall light outside our bedrooms in the morning when EVERYONE else is asleep, leave the kitchen light on even though it was off when she entered the room, leave partially full water bottles all over the house, leave her dirty socks everywhere (sometimes only one, where did the other one go?), etc.
Oh my god, we all have the
Oh my god, we all have the same stepkid! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Me too
I have the same frickn' problem with my 10 SD. When she is home every single light in the house has to be on, so I go around and turn them off. But not a second later and I will turn around and they are all on again. I have told my husband that is bothers me and he just says it is because she doesn't like when the lights are off. Give me a break, I am paying for the electric, and I don't think that you need lights on in a room you aren't even in. She also will not pick up a glass when she is done with it, or flush the toliet when she is done with it unless you ask her.
toliets
can someone please tell what is so hard about flushing???
two of my FSkids dont flush???
wtf?
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