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This man is something else....ha ha ha

VNichol's picture

Okay y'all know I have been in a funk for the past few days about the BM. So yesterday I decided snap out of it move forward with this relationship, I have been disconnected and a little distant. For the past month of October I have been sick due to the weather changing. I haven't felt in the mood for some cuddle time nor have I felt very sexy with these crazy bodily functions happening due to several different antibiotics I've been on. I noticed they were having a sale at Victoria's Secret so I decided to go get a few things for some adult time with him. Last night everything went great and we were finally talkin about things and on the same page.

I have to work weekends once a month and I was sitting here at work thinking I didn't Express to him how appreciative I am. So when I took a break I snapped a few cute photos of myself in the bathroom mirror at work, waited for him to wake up and make sure he was alone before I sent them. Usually replies with very sweet things and compliments. Well I did get the ,mmm  followed by see you tonight when you get home.  I was all smiles until his third message came through......"Who's bathroom?" My reply was , " Yup, the honeymoon phase is officially over!," 

That started an argument that wasn't necessary. I was genuinely trying to be sweet to him and since I'm a little something to look forward to when I get home from work. I feel bad that I have to work on the weekends but it's with my job requires with me and he understands. It just hurt my feelings but he would question me about whose bathroom I was taking photos of myself and when he knew I was at work. I've sent him photos before in the same bathroom. I think he's feeling a little insecure right now because we're not exactly getting along because of what happened last week or so. 

I know that is ex-wife cheated on him very badly. I'm not that type of person but I think he thinks there's someone else when there really isn't anybody else in my mind in my heart besides him. I tell him all the time.  This will pass thanks for letting me vent!!!!


somethingwicked's picture

and it's the bathroom at the Port Authority Bus Station in town..

Then text :

Seriously , where the hell do you THINK I am?  you paranoid ,untrusting A-Hole?

This guy needs to talk to a professional about TRUST ISSUES and stop suspecting or reflecting his fear and hurt onto you of what his EX Ho Bag did  by cheating on him.

Your relationship will always have this atmosphere of distrust lurking around starting arguments.

Only until  he faces what  drives the suspicions  and  the jealousy manufactured by  the fiction in his head  that is  based upon distrust  and that  fear  of what his former lover did  to him  will  you guys really  find some peace and lasting happiness ~at least happiness that will last until an argument that is not related to this inappropriate and wrongly assigned distrust  crap..Right? 

 He 's  got to find a way ,and hopefully with a therapist ,  to get over the hurt from that first betrayal and stop putting it on you ;  suspecting  the partner in his life of doing the same as his Ex. . 

Bernadette's picture

So true! Don’t let him take out his hang ups on you!

VNichol's picture

I'm absolutely with both of you! I went home and had a talk with him about it. I didn't try to start another fight but i shut that down before it got any further. 

I threw my phone at him and said, " let me know if you have any questions about anything or feel uncomfortable with any content on thete!" Then i walked to my room. He followed me and apologized for it. He tried being sweet and be handsywith me after dinner...... Nope not tonight! 

tog redux's picture

Yeah, this may be sort of "amusing" now, but it won't be when he does it over and over again. If he can't trust that you are at work when you say you are, then you have a very big problem.

Your first blog title was that your heart was telling you one thing, and your head another.  Please listen to your head. This is not a great situation all around.

VNichol's picture

Tog you are absolutely correct and on point with what I would/should do at all these red flags. I do appreciate the honesty.

If this man did it( any thing i posted about)  ALL the time I would leave in a heartbeat. That type of man don't deserve me and my cooking/Cleaning skills. He does do alot right for me to still be with him. He got baggage and I have baggage diffrent kind.  But I see something amazing in him and iIdo believe it's worth persuing, if it don't work out in the long run then ill have learned a valuable lesson in life. 

I do appreciate your feed back!


GoingWicked's picture

My DH was cheated on, and he tells me that his ex would accuse him of cheating when he wasn’t doing anything, but she sure was.  So that’s something to think about.

My DH had a hard time trusting me at first.  Except his ex would lie and say she was out with friends.  So pretty much every (rare - I had little kids at home) time I would want to go out with friends in the evening, I would be questioned.  I think once we were married for awhile, like 5 years, he calmed down.  Now, he doesn’t even question it.

marblefawn's picture

But it is kind of funny, isn't it? I'm imagining you all sexied up sending this message and getting that reply!

The whole scenario is so King of Queens -- do you know that show?

Try to see the humor in it. Try to get him to see some humor in it. The fact that you're still trying to be sexy is a good thing that benefits him! Laugh it off if you can -- it's so classic male/female brain to me. You're both still in the relationship plugging away. It's these little things that can blow up into breakups or become punch lines. If you laugh about it, he might laugh about it too and that will bring you closer.

VNichol's picture

Yes it's amusing and yes i laughed at it because IM AT WORK!!!!!! I am clocked  in for 12 hours............ Twelve hour's!!!!!!!! How else do i pass the time when your work is done. 

Yeah I remember that episode...... 

After that comment i went home after a 12 hour shift and cooked dinner!!!!!!! I he tried getting all handsy with me about the picture and I tell him nope. That bathroom comments hurt my feelings, how/ why would you think it's somewhere other than where I say im at! You have NEVER questioned me before why all of a sudden? Are you feeling guilty about something? 

He was like no, I was just wondering what bathroom at a hospital that you can get naked in...... I say the kind that isn't designated for the general population! STAFF, authorized personnel only!!!!!!

If you would have ever made an effort to come up to my unit and see where I work than you would see its a single use............!!!!!!

" OH", was his reply...... Smh


marblefawn's picture be honest, I was sort of wondering the same thing about getting sexy in a work bathroom!!! You're a tiger, girl! He's a lucky guy!

VNichol's picture

Well our sex life feels like like a chore lately. So as apart of ME making the initiative to spark up our love life. So taking some selfies to show him that I was thinking of him plus reminding him how lucky of a man he is. Lol!!!!! Taking it at work (on a break) just made it a bit more riské !!!!!!!!!!

Thank you marblefawn, he is one lucky man. 

I appreciate your comments!

VNichol's picture

Well our sex life feels like like a chore lately. So as apart of ME making the initiative to spark up our love life. So taking some selfies to show him that I was thinking of him plus reminding him how lucky of a man he is. Lol!!!!! Taking it at work (on a break) just made it a bit more riské !!!!!!!!!!

Thank you marblefawn, he is one lucky man. 

I appreciate your comments!

notasm3's picture

When DH and I were first dating I got mad about something (can't remember what) - but DH acted like I was going to hit him.  WTF????  I've never hit anyone in my life.

He's never really talked about it in detail - but I know that wife #2 was physically abusive towards him.  Fortunately that has never come up again.

VNichol's picture

Oh my!!!!!! If an argument ever get that heated there is NO reason to put your hands in your SO. I'm sorry he had to go through such abuse. 

I have to admit that i did hit my ex bf, not my proudest moment but it was necessary. He thought he was entitled to have sex with me. We were dating for 3 months and we only had relations once. I did not have to have relations with him becauae i have my disabled mother in the next room. I have respect for myself and my mother, I'm sorry i couldnt do it. 

Anywho, we were drunk and he was begging for me to go rent a whoretel (1hr hotel room) iIsaid absolutely not. He kept pushing up on my and I said NO, so I punched him in his face. I felt validated 100% no man should ever do that to me especially after being sexually abused. I will defend!myself

Sorry went off on another subject.