Well I did it, I moved back out to my place. It was a hard decision to make but I could not find my happiness again. Meaning I have done all I can to get this man to hear me. I was brought into an already made family and still I felt like the help. I felt as if I were a "fill in" to him and his son. I completely shut down and all we did was argue because of it. I was only back for 4 months and things slowly went back to what things we're before.
I felt like he treated this relationship like a social media page. He let me see what only what he wanted me to and not who he really is. I got a good sense of what this man is and he started showing me the shitty side of him. When I pointed it out he didn't like what I had to say. It wasn't too nice but I couldn't hold my breath any longer. I'm sure nobody likes to hear the truth about yourself but in a way it's a good thing too. For myself it lets me know where I'm slacking so I can get back in my game in whatever it is. I know this is only my way of seeing thing so I don't need any criticism please.
I love this man but I don't like him right now. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do because there is a child involved. He is not my bio but I sure wish he was because having an actual shitty BM is not what he needs. I feel numb to the fact that this might be the end of it. I know I couldn't stay because of the child he isn't mine. I wanted to work on our relationship but he is not willing to try things my way so this may be the end. In my world that little boy will always be mine in my heart and I want to continue to be in his life but his daddy probably will take him completely away from me.
Feeling numb is better than the pain I had explaining why I will not live there anymore to a 5yrold. I don't know what the future holds for me but I'm ready for it. I think......