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I drive myself crazy!

etyler's picture

Any of you who have read my blogs, know that I am SM to SD7 who recently moved to live with her mom in Georgia. Yes, FH and I agreed to this arrangement because we are both young, and still in school and knew that we would barely have a fighting chance in court, as with many times before.

We made the arrangement pretty much exactly as we wanted.
-no child support
-we have her the entire summer, christmas break and every other spring break
-we can visit her for 7 days out of every month

Problem is. NOBODY supports our decision and sometimes I wear myself out thinking and pondering and wondering about what would have happened if we were to fight it.
I personally believe, she is better in Georgia, at least for now. Her stepbrother is there, she has a great SD, somewhat stable BM and her own room in a nice house. She loves coming to visit us and because she already was bonded to us before the move, she doesn't feel distant when she comes to visit.

I read all these blogs about people who hate how much time they have with their stepkids and I wonder, would I feel the same way if I were them? Before BM moved, we had SD7 every Thur-Sun which got to be quite demanding and tiring.

At the end of the day, FH and I are happy. SD7 is happy. Why cant that be what matters? Its all the people who tell us we are selfish and that FH is a neglectful dad and that she will be scarred for what he is doing. But we didn't choose to leave, BM did and instead of spending years and dollars fighting it, we figured SD7 would eventually choose her own path anyways.

What do you guys think? I'm really making myself crazy over here debating about everything!



briarmommy's picture

You did the right thing, don't let anyone let you doubt that. The most important thing is that you are all happy and it sounds like you all are. So enjoy your happiness.

Asher10's picture

sometimes you have to do what you feel is right for your situation.a really great friend of mine is a non-custodial BM and you should hear some of the things that get said about her.but ya know what?the arrangement works for her AND her son.he's nearly 14 now and he's so happy and completely NOT scarred.BM doesn't have him because in her own words she simply wasn't meant to be a mother.she loves him but isn't capable of doing the mom thing.I respect her for admitting this but not many others do.
I think if you know SD is happier and better off with her mom then who cares what anyone else says about your DH?As long as the two of you know that at the end of the day you've done the best you can do that's all that really matters.

Still Have Hope's picture

No one knows what is best for your family but you. Frankly, just getting along without acrimony is a gift too few kids get. Don't worry about what others say.

forestfairy's picture

Do these people think she would be any less scarred if she were to be away from her mother? Tell them to shut their cake holes and mind their own business. I don't know who people think they are by telling others what they should be doing with their lives.

Your arrangement sounds really good for everyone involved to me.

panda's picture

You did the right thing. SD is happy, BM takes good care of her, you and DH enjoy her visits. Don't worry about what others think, if you don't see problems.

alwaysanxious's picture

Why in the world would anyone have something to say about this?? Sounds like the perfect situation because everyone is actually happy. You never see that.

Ignore the people who don't get it, they've never been there.

LizzieA's picture

I wouldn't let people discuss it in my presence. It's none of their business! Glad it's working out for you all.