Well, I'll try to summarize this situation as best I can.
BM moved SD10 to Georgia with her about 4 years ago so that she could be with her middle school sweetheart. She also moved her other son, from a different dad who was only 2 at the time. Even though both dads were actively involved in both kids lives. (selfish much?)
Anyways, for 4 years now it has been progressively worse with SD10 wanting to live with us. Whenever she brings it up, we usually try to change the subject or avoid a long discussion. We have ALWAYS told her that she is welcome in our home, but she knows that her mom would have to agree to it. We also DO NOT want her to feel pressure from our end, because she feels tons from her BM. BM tells her things like "you can't leave me, i've done so much for you" "please don't move away i've worked so hard for you, i'll be so sad, i'll cry". We have already tried everything to get the mom to agree to anything. As it stands now, we have all of summer (10 weeks) and Christmas vacation. We were denied spring break because BM said that would be 'unfair'. Right
So this year, has been the worst. Numerous meltdowns, numerous talks about never going back home to her BM and SD. I can't honestly blame her, they are a bit on the crazy side. Well SD10 did not make one of her phone calls to BM one evening because she was having a meltdown saying 'please, i'll do anything, i'll tell the judge anything, call my mom and i'll tell her', crying on the floor. Well BM obviously got concerned, and texted. We just responded with "she had a rough night, she can call you tomorrow". Well.. of course, BM needs to know WHY. So we tell her, if SD10 wants to talk about it with you, she can. BM pushes and pushes and pushes, we do not cave, just ensure her that it is nothing of a safety concern, SD10 is fine. BM continues to push SD10 on skype on sunday, to the point of SD10 crying. SD10 finally agrees to write her an e-mail which she does, and we also write BM an email trying to say that we know this is a hard topic, but it is affecting our time with SD10 and we need to discuss what to do about it.
Well it's been 2 weeks, and still nothing. BM is treating SD10 completely rude on the phone and will not even bring up the email. SD10 asks almost everyday if her mom wrote back, and now she is scared to go back at the end of summer.. again, I don't blame her. I get that this is probably hard for BM to hear. However, she has done it to herself. Do we have SD10 ask about it? Do we ask about it? Do we drop it entirely?
If she still feels this way when she is 12-13 we have every intention on trying to fight for custody, but I am just at a loss. Any advice??