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Why are some days so much worse than others

etyler's picture

Honestly, my situation isn't bad. We only have SD7 on holidays and during summer break because BM moved her away. It sucks, but at the same time, it got BM far away from us..

But you know those days where you just drive yourself mad with thoughts of BM?! I think it is especially bad when you don't have children of your own. I want so badly to be a mom, so it's hurtful when the only somewhat child I have, I am not a mother too. So you have times where you just dwell on them and it and the whole situation.

It's enough to make a girl mad.

I don't know why it is worse on certain days. It is not as if I have a bad FH or have to deal with a bratty stepdaughter, it's the unspoken competition that you sometimes feel as a stepmom that I am having the hardest time trying to overcome.

I just want it to go away. I don't want to think about her, or her life. I just want to be in mine, I am not sure why I struggle.

Anyone else have these days?
Just trying to be honest.


harleygirl's picture

I have three boys that I am blessed with. However, I had them very young and with less than desirable fathers. It was my bad choices and I've done my best with what I chose. I do however understand how you feel every single day. I now have met the most amazing man and wish so much we could have a child together. Of course everyone says " Oh my god you have three isn't that enough!" Well I say maybe in some cases but the way I feel isn't that way.

I struggle with that and the fact that they were together for 17 years since high school. His whole life, memories, experiences have been totally with her. I struggle EVERY SINGLE DAY trying to find my place that doesn't feel like her old shoes.

I am secretly glad someone else has a hard time with these issues. I thought it was just me.

B22S22's picture

I struggle with it sometimes because the one thing DH and I will never share is a child. And regardless of anything else, that is always a tie that binds the two of them (DH and his Ex) together. I think of the future events -- graduation, wedding(s), etc where they will be THE PARENTS, and wonder how and where I will fit in.

Although DH and I have been married for 4 years, rarely have I attended the same events as the BM except for one of the SK's birthday parties very early on. From the moment she opened her mouth I thought "yuk" and have made myself scarce. Not that it made a difference as my SK's don't even acknowledge that I exist.

I read posts on here about how SK's request steps NOT be at graduation, NOT be at weddings, not to mention other "family" gatherings. It scares me to think that could be me in a couple of years and quite honestly it makes my stomach turn thinking about it. Not the actual request, but how my DH will handle it. Part of me already knows that he would NEVER miss a Skid event, therefore...... *shakes head and squints eyes closed*


NCMilGal's picture

All the time. We're long-distance NCPs too, and always have been. I've never interacted with BM for more than a half-hour at a time, but she can really get me spun up.

It's worse right now because my SD is 15 and starting to grow up. She's not a pretty little doll to dress up and who adores her mama without question any more. She's starting to ask those hard questions now. BM sees this as disrespect and rebellion. SD15 is very seriously thinking about asking to live with us, and BM is panicking as she is losing control.

Recently I had a short pang of sympathy for BM - she has a daughter who mopes around and doesn't say "I love you" anymore, who even announced excitedly to her dad that she got SM a Mother's Day card in front of her. But then I remembered that BM calls SD15 a "f-ing little b****" and blames SD15 for pretty much everything that is wrong in that house, and I lose the sympathy.

The way BM treats that girl is disgraceful. I hate that she can threaten DH's and my world financially, and I hate the way she treats one of the best teenagers I've ever met.