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I can't stand my step daughter

angrystepdad's picture

I have been a Step Father for going on 4 years now and I have to say if i could do it all over I would have married a woman with no children. I have a step daughter that is down right rude, and her mom just pushes it off and always says " she's a child". I understand that she is a child but I have never seen one this mean. At school she pushes, trips and just tries to hurt other children and it always seems not to be her fault. At home she says things under her breath that only I can hear and then when I try to scold her once again it's my fault. I am the only one working in the house. I choose to work graveyards just so I spend the least amount of time with the child as possible. On top of everything I have to get up and cook dinner or else it wouldn't get done. The only salvation in the house is my dog and even she isn't safe from the wrath of the kid. I caught her kicking my dog in the side as hard as she could and when I asked her why shoe would do that all I got out of her was " I don't know". I'm sick of it, I don't even like coming home cause I know she is there and I never get a break. I am at my breaking point with it all and am considering divorce and trust me it is a last resort. Any advice would is very appreciated.

Comments

stormabruin's picture

If you're doing everything in your power to stay away from home, I believe divorce may be the best option for all involved.

Your partner isn't being a fair partner. She isn't being a good mother. She isn't doing her part to make your home function for anyone. You shouldn't be having to scold her child. I don't bet there are many cases where a stepparent who disciplines without the support of the bio-parent has positive or successful results.

4 years in & your feeling this kind of resentment...? My mom has always told me, "Forever is a long time. It's even longer when you're unhappy". 4 years is nothing in the span of a lifetime. Why put yourself through that?

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Yikes!!! How old is your SD? I would Not tolerate the abuse towards you or your dog!!! Sounds like your DW is your real problem? She sounds unable to Parent her kid, sad indeed!!! Was your SD like this Before you two got married??

dad'swife's picture

You and your wife are just not compatible when it comes to parenting. Her "parenting" style and yours are completely different. And as long as you don't have any bio children of your own, she will always say you don't understand.

Sad

RedWingsFan's picture

I think it's time to move along. Get a good divorce attorney and for God's sakes, keep that little shit away from your dog at all times!

What is it with skids abusing pets so much? INFURIATING!

Great Mom but horrified Stepmom's picture

You are the only one working and yet you would be the one making dinner?

I'm sorry to hear this is the situation. In my opinion you may want to go for counselling - yourself or with your wife - as it seems that you are not being heard when you try and bring up your frustrations.

Sometimes it takes a neutral third party to open a partner's eyes.

Other than that, I'm sorry but it may indeed be that you cut your losses and get out. The child sounds terrible and I would be as frustrated as you are. It's a tough decision.

red flags's picture

This is a common feeling among step parents when the bio parent lets the kid treat the step like shit. I went through years of that with my fiancé before I moved out. I told him that if he wanted to let that little shit run the show and treat me like a second class citizen, I was out and he probably wouldn't find someone to take my place and sign up for his shit storm of a life. I was gone for about a month until he came around. Now he's putting her little ass in her place and slowly but surely her behavior is improving. More important than the rate of progress w the monster is that he is making it known to SD, BM and me that I matter. Before you put yourself through the hell of a divorce, consider a trial separation. Sometimes people realize what's important when its gone. If divorce is really your last resort, try moving out first. If you miss your wife, maybe it can be saved. If you feel an immense sense of relief, you have your answer. But it's hard to think with a clear head when you are living in the thick of it.

LittlePanda's picture

The child needs counseling. Sit the mother down and explain to her where you are in your thoughts, that you are considering leaving. Hopefully that will make her understand that the situation is not ok and that the kid needs counseling. And the 2 of you might benefit from some as well, maybe a parenting class. That is the advice that I have, other than leaving. Also, what redflags said above, maybe a trial separation might help.

MissMae's picture

Oh hun I am so sorry you are going through this. My SD is the same way. Not sure with animals though never seen her with them. But she acts the same, so does her mom. Honestly I was thinking wow, this could be Chris's post lol. I think that's why he constantly works in his room all day and night so he can avoid both of them. He knows if he leaves he will have to pay another ex child support. My SD mom just uses him as a bank. 
If I were you I'd leave honestly. Especially if the child is older and set in stone. My man and I split for almost three years. We got back together and that was my first thought was fuck. I gotta deal with her again. I'm to the point where I told him she needs to make changes or we split up or you go there to see her. She likes to hit my son and is constantly disrespectful. Only comes over once a month because we have rules, structure, and discipline here. Something her house lacks severely. 
Have a deep heart to heart with your wife. Write everything down that you need to change. If changes do not happen, I would move on. 
best wishes to you!!!