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Need. Advice!

etyler's picture

So.. if any of you have read my story.. I am currently with a great FH whom I love very much. I am fortunate enough to have him support me in my role as a stepmom and we have never had any isssues.

His daughter is 7 and last May we decided to agree to her moving to Georgia with her BM for a "trial year". The reasons for doing this were ten-fold, including us both being in school, trying to provide a more stable life for her and allowing her BM the chance to start over in GA, considering her life over here was awful. FH parents were SO upset with us, and still to this day, mention it every time they have a chance. How awful, selfish and horrible we are for making this decision.

The year is almost over and considering the distance, I think it has gone relatively smoothly. SD has gotten into some trouble here and there, more recently because her baby brother just moved back in and now she is not the center of attention. I'm unsure as to where to go from here...

I know that any BD vs BM when the BM is not crazy and wants custody, is a battle that is rarely won... and BM will not relent about how much better her life is than the one we can give her...

Part of me wants to fight it out...
Part of me wants to wait until she is 12 (which will be here SO fast) and let her make her own decisions
Another part of me wants to move closer to her, because I can tell she is missing her BD and growing up without one, is so hard, as I know from personal experience.

I'm just torn in all different directions, and unsure about where to go.. I was not sure if anyone here had any sort of similar experiences or valuable advice to offer..

The situation is really not as bad as many others I read on here, but yes, BM is a giant Bitch and is on her way to having 3 kids with 3 different dads... I also don't want to spend countless hours in court for nothing.. the arrangement we made when she left, we designed, we got pretty much everything we asked for..

What do you think?


WickedStepMom18's picture

You can't make life decisions based on what the grandparents want! You and your husband have to decide what is best for you and your family, your SD included. There are so many options for you but you really have to sort through them to figure out how you want and need your lives to be. Sucks that the grandparents weren't supportive of their own son's decision. Unfortunately, I am all to familiar with that!!! Wink Hang in there and I think the only advice I can give is for you and your husband to talk long and hard about where you want to go and how you want to get there, all the while remembering that your SD's needs factor into this... and only hers (not the grandparents). Avoid wasting your time in court, if at all possible.

Done WIth It's picture

Be careful what you wish for.

If you and your FH get along well without the BD, continue as you are.

If you need more stress, want throw money to lawyers instead of holiday getaways, want to spend time battleing in court, have the "giant bitch", I mean BM, gigantly involved in your daily life, by all means go for BD.

Read what step parents deal with in here. You too will have those issues.

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

This sounds about right to me. I don't know about moving, because it sounds like if you moved to be closer, BM might just up and decide to move somewhere else... farther away. Maybe best not to pick up and move, until you see a little bit more how it plays out.