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BM won... I thought it would never happen..

Mynx's picture

I was engaged for 4 years with DH with 3 kids. BM had custody and they came to visit at wednesdays, fridays and every other weekend. They are now SS 16, SD 11 and 6. They are great kids, though DH pretty much spoild them due to lack of time they spent together. Anyway, afher 2,5 years, BM who was opsessed with DH requested through court that DH gets full time custody, or for them to go to a foster home. He had no choice and took the skids over, full time, and it probably was the best decision for skids. They are way better than before. Now, it's almost been a year since, and he moved out to bigger flat with kids, and I stayed by myself. He is a tenant, and so am I, and BM lives alone in 83m2 flat, that he bought while they were married. We saw less and less of each other, he had little time, and I spent every minute of his free time with him/them. It was supposed to be only 3 months before we move in together (the skids needed to get used to new conditions), so social workers sugested that it was for the best if they lived alone for the first period. Now, it has been a year since, and it was all the same. He lives day by day, and doesn't notice how much time has passed, and I do, I'm 28 and I want to have kids of our own. So does he, but it was too soon (he says)... In february he broke up with me, thinking that he would set me free from all this, cause he saw how stressed I was. It was horrible for the first month, but still, eventually I felt relief. BM was more than happy, even the skids won't go often to her place, cause they see how she treats them, and she doesn't even care. She has a new boyfriend in another country, and she plans to move out. Another man came close to me after the break up, and I saw how good a relationship can be with a men who had no past. We had all of the time just for us, and could plan a future together. After 2 months, DH wanted to see me, saying that he was sorry and that he has sorted out everything, and that he is ready for commitments, marriage, biokids...everything that I wanted so badly... Now I'm so confused...I still love him, and it just drives me crazy, cause I know that I would be better without all of this, that I was going through. He is a good man and he doesn't deserve someone who wouldn't apreciate him, or who wouldn't accept him and his kids... I just feel sad...hope it'll pass... Just needed to vent. Thank you for let me share.

Mynx's picture

At this point, I see how lucky I was to get out of the picture. Still, I feel so bad for him, he didn't deserve any of this, and he will hardly find another woman who will treat and love him the way he deserves, and at the same time will accept his kids. It feels like I'm building happiness on other peoples misfortune, and I can not enjoy this new feelings and emotions knowing that he is alone, and probably will be for a long time. We were soul mates, and I am aware that he was the love of my life, but I will learn to love this new man and myself a bit more...
Still, I would recomend any woman, who still can, DON'T DO IT!

rainbow bright83's picture

I'm sorry that you are going through this emotional turmoil. You were engaged for 4 years and that has to be hard. But, I agree with MizFoxie. You dodged a BIG bullet when he let you go. Cherish being the ONLY women in your relationship. Savor the fact that you new guy is focused on only you, not the circus that comes with being the second wife. You and your new man will share in so many Firsts! good luck to you.