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Leaving, the SK's have won...

doormat333's picture

So I've finally been pushed beyond normal anger. Been very sad and upset for two weeks now. DH asked me what was wrong so I told him that once again, instead of telling his daughter where she was rude and f***ed up, he had told her that,"well she wasn't ready to see her", in response to me being thrown for a loop when she decided to have SS's wife show up unannounced whom I haven't spoken to for 2 years after receiving a hate letter from them. Once again, it's my fault. Instead of being a real man, he should have said to SD that she needed to communicate and show some thoughfulness before having people show up, but no, he says I wasn't ready to see her and puts it off on me, ALWAYS. It's never going to change! I was enraged last night, tired of being third best, and tried hard to talk to DH about how important it is for us to be a united pair, but no, he won't see it. I'm done. His kids have dictated this marriage because I'm the only one who gets admonished for behavior, never them. He comes down hard on me saying my feelings are not real and I'm too sensitive, screw him. I yelled at him that he lied to me for promising he wouldn't hurt me like other men in my life, and always putting the blame on the crazy SM. His kids have done awful, awful things, and he just doesn't even address them, so they keep happening, and I'm not allowed to be upset, no, not at all. Then he contacts my mom telling her with his narcissitic crap that I'm too angry and something is really wrong with ME. What man befriends a mother-in-law and talks crap about his wife, he does! Never does he take responsibility for letting his brats walk all over me, and him, never. I am done, done, done! Leaving today.

Anon2009's picture

I think ultimately, you will find that you have won. At least, that's what I hope. You will be free of this man and his adult kids who weigh you down. Find yourself a nice man who doesn't have kids and who will treat you with love and respect. Best of luck.

misSTEP's picture

Sorry your stbEX is such an asshole.

He can cuddle up to his kids when he is old and lonely. OH, that's right, they will be LONG GONE at that point!

omgsaveme's picture

Ya wtf is it with men where they can realize that you should be held accountable but his ADULT GROWN children shouldn't be. Im right there with you doormat, I am one foot out the door right now and digging into the deepest parts of my soul to find the strength to keep from telling him to go. I just need time to think and maybe thats what he needs. Maybe your DH needs to know you are DONE with this shit to make him realize he is going to have to make a choice. Stick with your guns, men tend to get comfy if you threaten and don't follow through.

doormat333's picture

Thanks ladies, we are leaving after school, with the dog. It will be a very lonely house for him. You his oldest daughter once said to me, which I relayed to him a few times, "All of us (brothers and sisters) have done things to push the women out of our dad's life". And he never worried about that? Idiot! He blew it off, well now it's a reality. I'm not in the finacial place either but I'm going to have to make it work anyway. I have asked him for over a year to make some changes and he's unwilling to see how much I have been hurting. I feel so disappointed and let down and like a huge idiot for thinking a man with 4 older kids would work.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

I am very proud of you, DM, for refusing to allow DH and SKs to treat you badly. Him reaching out to your mother to complain about you is wrong on SO many levels! Do you have people in your life to turn to for support?

I hope you will feel better in a few days and will look back on today thinking, "This was the day i took the initiative and introduced a positive change into my life. I will not be treated disrespectfully - ever again! Now things will have to happen on my terms."

Orange County Ca's picture

Don't look back. Block his number in your cell, call your provider (verizon for instance) for help if needed. Block his email, access to any social pages like Facebook and DO NOT visit his. This is ditto for all his relatives.

Erase him from your life.

steppedonstep's picture

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Best of luck to you. Please keep us up to date.

Shannon61's picture

I too am sorry it came to this, I wish you the very best.

And for him to stoop so low as to call your mother and put her in the middle of the issue was one of the most bizarre things I've ever heard. You certainly are not 16 and in need of parental guidance . .. and as someone said above, he can't even parent his own damn children. The day will come when they will leave . . and he will realize the error of his ways. . .with much regret and sorrow. He'll learn the hard way that love doesn't come around often.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Sorry to hear about this, that your DH won't stand up for you that is. You are saving your sanity and wish I could just leave too sometimes.

You will be so much happier without that stress. Stay strong and be true to yourself.

hereiam's picture

What is so sad, is that they don't love their father enough to want him to be happy. And he doesn't see it.

And he doesn't see what a great thing he is giving up.

Go live your life!

Shannon61's picture

Indeed. My DH got a rude awakening when he saw how selfish SD was after we got married. She'd told him she wanted him to get married and be happy . .but tried everything in her power to push me out and treated me horribly. He was mortified, and admitted he should have gotten her counseling when she was younger after he and ex divorced. His admission likely saved our marriage.

omgsaveme's picture

catmom that is so my DH and his SK. She always does something really nice for him and then a day later she will ask him for money. She used to invite him over for dinner and would cook for him with the food she bought with her foodstamps just so she can continue the cashflow. Of course he cant see the manipulation, shes only doing it cause shes so nice.

Doormat please keep us updated and if you need a drinking buddy im here for you.

emotionaly beat up's picture

So sorry doormat. But glad you have found the courage to change your life for the better. The Steps may think they've win, but really long term, the only winner will be you. The only real loser will be their dad. They are going to have to pick up the pieces, and they'll soon get sick of that. Then if he starts another relationship, they'll be back to square one trying to end that relationship. You can move on and armed with the knowledge you now have, things will be bigger, better and brighter for you. They will all be stuck in Groundhog Day. You doormat are no longer a doormat and you are definitely not a loser. You are actually the only winner here. Well done to you.