I had a revelation yesterday while listening to my mom vent about my dad, his not ordering or taking his pills, how she is making him move into the other bed room and many other things. BTW they have been married for 48 long ass years. Not bad people, but not exactly a great example of marital bliss.
Finally I said, you know what mom, who cares if he orders his pills, takes his pills, well maybe the anti depressant you should smash up in his food for your own happiness but other than that who cares. He is the one who suffers if he doesn't take care of shit. Then I joked, hey if he dies you get the life insurance so who loses out then. Well apparently he was threatening to cancel his life insurance too. Argh, makes me happy to be unmarried.
Any ways my revelation is this... We spend hours trying to change/fix our spouses step kids ect.... Is it worth it??? I say no. I read the book parenting through love and logic and they speak to natural consequences. Best book ever and I use it all the time on my own kid. I told mom to use some of it on dad... don't order pills, feel like crap. He won't move into the other bedromm.... move your shit in there and move his out.
Granted it is easy for me t o say this now that I am free of the crazy ex and my BF has his own home and we just dad and have the fun part of a relationship. But I am telling you as a natural born fixer I fight the urges in this relationship, offer an opinion if asked but work under the thought that he is a big boy, can make good decisions and if he doesn't he will figure it out