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did not sign up for fulltime parent status

coryd's picture

i just recently moved in with my partner and the teenager was only two weekends a month plus tuesdays, i was always ok with this now he wants to live with us and my partner is thrilled, however i am not so excited. i did not sign up for this responsibilty and now i feel like a horrible person. the kid is basically a great kid however issues r starting to appear. just yesterday he waS FOUND TO BE popping pills, perscription drugs he is 14. am i an awful person for not wanting him to live with us?

melis070179's picture

I feel the same way...don't know if I could handle it if SS ever came back here to live. Sometimes I think it wouldn't be so bad, other I don't think I could handle a teenager or preteen...I'm not old enough to be ready to parent a child his age! Plus when he's not your own, wow. Sucky situation!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

bellacita's picture

its difficult to think when we sign up for stepparent status, even if its infrequent, that at any time it could chage from EOW only to full time...and thats a hard adjustment for anyone. and thats just what it is--an adjustment. did u talk to ur partner and explain how u feel? its not awful at all...i live w my SS and we have SD eow and its hard! often i (and my hubby too) wish it could be just us. just talk thing sthru and if it does happen, give it a chance bc it might not be as bad as u fear.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

bewitched's picture

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

But it sounds like you moved into her house? If so, good luck there-and you can't blame her for wanting her son with her. If it's your place she moved into, you probably have a little more power.

My DH (thanks 5 teens)basically ordered me to have SD13 live here with me, 2 weeks after we married. He had plenty of opportunity to express that that's what he wanted before we married-yet not a word was spoken. In my situation, as he works away from home is is here for 4 days once every 10 days, it would have meant me raising his D alone-in my home. I refused. We nearly split over it.

Now, if he worked here, and lived at home daily, it would have been a different scenerio. Then he would be home on evenings to raise his D himself. But I raised my own sons-he had the option of doing the same with his d's.

If you're absolutely certain this won't work, that you'll be miserable with a fulltime skid around, now is the time to move out & move on.

sarahbernheart's picture

when I was dating FH his kids lived a few hours away and that is one of the reasons I stayed with dating him, but then lo and behold EX decides to move near our town, I was like OH NO WAY ..I enjoyed our kid free weekends..days.. I was really close to ending it, but FH understood my apprehension and made sure that I understood that they would follow the DD to the letter and kids would not be over he works a lot of hours and I was not a baby sitter.
fast forward 3 yrs it has been ok we have had our issues but FH loves me and vice versa and we make it work.
good luck- I still have issues when his kids come over though.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

Endora's picture

DH's EW decided once we were engaged that her life would blow apart and she dropped their then 14 year old son on our doorstep-(we had 50/50 which is what I signed up for)SS really had nowhere else to go (DH and I were engaged then)-soooo I had to do some real soul searching-as a single mom myself, who has raised two boys (they left home for 5 minutes (exaggerating but that is how it felt) before I got a replacement! ha!

Long story short -I had two young men myself and said what the heck-I did not realize the months of resentment while I adjusted to having a teenager around again and we nearly broke up a few times as his lack of parenting and my parenting style were polar opposites-I learned about disengaging and that is how I survive it.

I knew in the back of my mind that this guy had a teenager and IF SS's mother died-we would have had to raise him (or put him in foster care-NOT an option for his Dad or me for that matter)-soooo I had to suck the situation up and be as positive as possible-

In the meantime-I have this site to vent-some good books-great friends-and a DH that needs a frying pan to the head once in awhile-

Welcome! Looks like you have some deep thinking to do!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!