Sometimes I wonder if SD is a narcissist
DH loves his DD15 and I love DH. He thinks she is wonderful in every way and I think we all feel that about about our own kids to an extent. I try to see her as he sees her. I seek out the positive traits in her and then hold onto them - sometimes desperately. She is very intelligent. She gets good grades and makes a natural leader. She is quick to defend those who are intellectually disadvantaged from being bullied. She is athletic and good at basketball. She supports her teammates and motivates them to do their best. She likes to be involved in many school activities and looks for opportunities to participate. She's also a hardworker when she wants to be.
On the other hand...
She is very bossy telling everyone what to do like she is in charge regardless of everyone's experience and age. She yells at family members and her friends. She takes things that don't belong to her. She sometimes steals from people besides family members. She doesn't replace what she ruins or breaks. She gets some sort of weird pleasure from seeing other people get in trouble, make a mistake, or get scared. She motivates her teammates with positive encouragement after she realized that yelling and getting angry at them wasn't working. She gets extreme jealousy if anyone anywhere gets more attention than her. She starts rumors. She lies even when it's not needed and it makes no sense to lie. She is mean to younger children and animals. She breaks things when she is angry and believes she is justified in doing it. Actually she believes she is justified in all bad behavior she displays and when she treats people poorly. If she ever apologizes it's very insincere or she was told to do it. She doesn't feel remorse. She is rude to her teachers and tries to get others to side with her against them through lies. The reason she acts protective towards the mentally disabled is because she thinks they are cute I think.
I didn't list the things she does just to family. I only included things I had seen being done to others as well as us. What she does to family is a list on it's own. It just seems like she is a blackhole. No attention, money, compliments, material items, friends, family, love, or anything else is ever enough for her. She is never satisfied and never happy unless it's at the expense of someone else and even then it's only temporary satisfaction. There are times when she seems kind and caring but those times are so few and far between. Maybe I need to just admit to myself that I don't like her, find a way to deal with it, and maybe find a relief from the constant emotional turmoil. I think I'm exhausted from hanging on to the likeable things about her the last ten years.