Title basically says all. DH and I are dealing with the repurcussions of SD7's grandparents' piss poor parenting decisions but it seems like DH is less dedicated to undoing it all than I am. SD is 7 but acts like she is 4, she is behind in just about every dimension, but DH insists that running away from school, hitting teachers, and having meltdowns is normal kid stuff. Sorry, but where I'm from, no one acted like that at 7. 

SD has been placated with snacks, TV, and cheap toys whenever she starts to feel even the slightest boredom or negative emotion. Obviously, this resulted in terrible behavior and a bad attitude, so DH cut down on a lot of that for a while. But lately he has been giving in again. She has a tendency to pester all of the adults around her because she can't handle not being the center of attention at all moments, so DH will just offer her the TV to get her away from me. I asked him if he had ever considered that by offering her electronics when she is being rude and interrupting my work, that he is only rewarding that behavior. It apparently had never crossed his mind, and he still does it. Y'all, this man is 31. I feel like I am having to teach him basic parenting skills and I don't even have kids of my own. 

Anyhow, because SD is 7 I have been trying to catch her up on all of the basic skills I think kids that age should have. I have been doing chores and participating in the household since I started walking, she was not expected to do anything until recently. I try cooking with her. It is a battle just to prevent her from eating all of the raw ingredients when my back is turned. I ask her not to dump out the entire bag of cheese onto the pizza we are making, the next second she does just that. When I get onto her, she acts confused that I am a bit annoyed with her. Child, I literally told you 0.5 seconds ago to not dump it all out, but rather to grab small handfuls at a time. 

Another example, I attempted to teach her how to sew. My grandma showed me when I was 6. Bad idea. I ask her not to take out the pins that are in the pincushion. She immediately takes them all out and puts them on the carpet where it is hard to see them. I asked her to put them back and to not remove them again, she crosses her arms and insists that I am ruining her day. 

Maybe I am secretly delusional and a bad parent, but as a kid I managed to follow basic instructions at a much younger age and so did the other kids in my neighborhood. Maybe the predominant parenting style nowadays doesn't value basic social and practical skills, because I've heard that all of her classmates are having problems with preschool-level skills. Maybe it's the pandemic. But I am just tired of giving her very simple instructions and having her do the exact opposite right after I tell her. She pretends not to hear me. I am tempted to just send her to her room next time she does this. I don't expect perfection, she is naturally going to make mistakes and messes, but I think she is way too old to just blatantly disobey DH and I when we give her the simplest instructions. I just worry that I will end up with a teenage SD that is incapable of basic tasks.

DH is very half-hearted with his attempts, I think he just cannot be bothered to put in effort half of the time. Can't tie her shoes? He'll tie them for her. Can't put on her pants right? He'll fix it for her. If she insists there is nothing to do, he will just go out and buy her a toy or craft stuff despite the fact that we already have toys and craft supplies and shit is too expensive for him to just buy stuff for no real reason. Half of the shit I buy for the household or for my own use go missing because she takes everything to her room, which is a blackhole. DH doesn't bother to correct it, and looks confused when I say that this is essentially stealing. 

Is it a man thing? Single parent thing? IDK, but I am sick of feeling like the only person in this house that cares.