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She is only the mini-wife when we go out somewhere. Why?

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Submitted by katielee on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 2:16pm

When my husband, my sd11, and I go out somewhere, she hangs all over him, wants to sit next to him, basically acts like she is his wife. But at home, she mostly stays in her room on the computer. Don't get me wrong... she is babyish and wants her daddeee to kiss any little boo-boo she can conjure up and she tries real hard to get her daddeeee to take up for her against me, the dogs, the chickens, whatever. But she doesn't act like his date unless we are out somewhere. Any insight as to why?

Had a Really Good Talk with DH

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Submitted by katielee on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 7:17am

Last night things just seemed to fall into place. DH finally seems to be Getting It!

We were sitting outside relaxing after work. I was passing along some gossip his friend told me while she was teaching me to make biscuits Sunday afternoon. He asked, "So she was being kitty?"

I'm like, "Um... huh? Do you mean 'catty'?"

He nodded and I laughed for a good little while. "Baby, you just don't understand, do you?"

"You can't understand women," he told me, "Not at all. Might as well not even try. But I do try."

"I know you do, Hunny..."

I have noticed that how I feel about sd11 is directly related to the strength of my marriage.

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Submitted by katielee on Tue, 04/09/2013 - 6:20am

If I feel close to DH and not neglected by him in favor of SD11, then I feel like I'm much better able to tolerate being a stepmom. I don't really think I have a problem with her personally (even though there ARE some major discipline problems). I can tolerate her and ignore her childish little competition with me AS LONG AS DH IS NOT GOING ALONG WITH IT.

So DH is really the key to all of this. But how to get him to understand?

They Looked Like One Big Happy Family

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Submitted by katielee on Sun, 04/07/2013 - 6:31pm

This evening I had a friend come over and teach me how to make biscuits. While I was inside with her, BM came over to pick up SD11. DH called me and told me to have SD come outside, that her mother was there to pick her up. I told her and didn't think anything else about it. Then I happened to look out the front window and BM was outside talking to DH. I was a bit irritated but just shook it off and went back to baking. About a half an hour later SD11 came in specifically to tell me her mom was still outside.

Trying to Stay Positive

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Submitted by katielee on Fri, 04/05/2013 - 3:40pm

This weekend we were invited to a kid's birthday party of some of our closest friends. This is not the weekend we are supposed to have sd11, but of course she will be going with us to the birthday party. This is the 4th weekend in a row we've had her, at least part of the time.

What would you have done differently?

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Submitted by katielee on Thu, 04/04/2013 - 6:32am

If you were meeting your new stepkids all over again, what would you have done differently?

Here are a couple of things I would have done with sd11:

My biggest priority at first was keeping the peace. When she pushed herself in between dh and myself and insisted on holding his hand/hugging up to him all the time, I would have gently asserted myself right then rather than dealing with it for a year, waiting until I was so irritated I was ready to explode, and letting him and her think it was OK.

These Ups and Downs are Killing Me

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Submitted by katielee on Mon, 04/01/2013 - 3:15pm

I got a little irritated Friday because DH had gotten off work a teeny bit early and just had to go ahead and pick sd11 up and bring her to our house. So when I got home from work she was there with her bathing suit on washing the truck. She didn't bother to speak to me for the longest time. Then she said to me, "Are you going fishing with us tomorrow?" I'm like, "Well, yeah." I wanted to say, "No, you're going fishing with US tomorrow." But I kept my mouth shut and smiled. She didn't look happy that I would be joining them, that I didn't have to work Saturday...grrr.

Is it wrong to ask them to stay on some kind of schedule?

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Submitted by katielee on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 5:28am

We have had sd11 for the past two weekends and are supposed to have her again this weekend. She told her dad last night she wanted to do something with her mom Saturday, so she wouldn't be spending the night tonight. He has asked several times if she plans to come for Easter and we still don't have an answer. Last night he told her, "Ok, Baby... just let me know if you want to come next weekend."

WHAT!?! REALLY!?!

I think we're making progress.

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Submitted by katielee on Mon, 03/25/2013 - 2:45pm

Friday night I was pretty ecstatic. The three of us went out for a quick bite...my husband, my sd11, and me. We walked into the restaurant and slid into a booth, me on one side and she on the other. My husband had to go to the bathroom. She scooted all the way to the far side of her seat to make room for him. I did the same. And he sat with me! He was very attentive, holding my hand and squeezing my knee to see me squirm (very ticklish). He actually said out loud, "Are you sure you want me to sit next to you?" which I think pissed her off. She pouted for a little while.

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