The older I get, the more set in my ways I become. Dealing with unplanned or unexpected changes just throws my entire system out of whack. I woke up this morning thinking about how calm day to day life is now.

Disengaging was the biggest factor in changing from the hectic, constantly disruptive, emotional turmoil of life with the steps to the calmness of now. Disengaging in two main areas.

This morning is one of those mornings when I feel at my lowest point. It is 5AM and after not smoking for 3 months the temptation became too strong and I bought a pack. So here I am looking back on life and asking myself " What would I do different if only I knew."

I mentioned in a previous blog that I would have " Alice " from the Brady bunch. Now thoughts of what else could have made life less stressful enter my mind. Had I only known, what would I have done differently to put my well being first rather then last.

Does anyone use common sense anymore? Does anyone think before they click the "accept" for people they stopped having contact with years ago? Does anyone ever wonder about the reason they have been selected to be a friend?

I have facebook. My only friends are some present family members. Even though I come from a family of 10 siblings, I only have 15 'friends."

I came home from the dog pound 2 years ago with a large dog. He was to be my companion and protection. If I traveled to Ohio from MI.he would be my companion and protector on the road. Since DH and I are retired and alone this dog has become like our child. "Come to mama" "Get over there and sit next to your daddy " are not uncommon in our home.

He is so much more than just a dog. He is the perfect excuse for not getting pressured into re-engaging with the adult steps. Accusations of "me" being the bad guy for not just "getting over it" have now been placed elsewhere.