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There is hope

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Fri, 06/20/2014 - 11:05am

Last year was a complete and utter nightmare and I'm surprised we made it to this point. After all the arguing and crying and god knows what. After all the child worshiping and friends being assholes, after worthless absent BM who filed to try to get full custody March of last year and made life hell for a year and then has disappeared again.
After SO and SS fighting me on making room for me in their lives and routines.

We are finally in a decent place.

sad news brings reflection

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Thu, 06/12/2014 - 10:05am

I was in love once before and almost married to a guy i dated all through college and a little after. We both had our issues, mine being that i came from a crazy mother and didn't realize how much she affected my ability to have a normal loving relationship. His that he cheated at least once. His family however was awesome. They were there for me when my father passed away, as my brother abandoned us and I was left to deal with my crazy mother alone. They didn't let me be alone. They always to this day keep in touch with me, his older sister and one of his cousins.

feeling a lil broken

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Fri, 06/06/2014 - 9:49am

Swim season has started which means SS has practice at our neighborhood pool from 500-630.
Thursdays, if we don't already have a date night planned, is our "stay in SS goes to bed/room early at 7"

If you're read my previous blogs you'll know what a struggle this was with SO not SS. SS reads/plays kindle games etc in his room. SO however almost every single time had an alternative plan other than what we agreed to (in the past).

CONFLICTED and don't want to get sucker punched

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Wed, 06/04/2014 - 2:43pm

SOOOO I don't even know what to think anymore. SS8 has done some "sweet"ish things lately and then also some very alienating things. (see past couple blogs)

sweet as of yesterday "bluehighlighter do you want to spend special time with us?" (special time is what is a 10 minute one on one daily activity the two of them have to do together per his child psych.) He's never actually ASKED me himself to play and the day before he even said "is it going to be just the two of us dad" loudly from another room.

SO blind to SS intention.

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Mon, 06/02/2014 - 6:53pm

SS shouted down "is it just the two of us dad" when asked by SO did he want to play badminton. SO said "it's up to bluehighligter" I said "nah thanks". I went outside to retrieve a notebook from my car and they were both outside. SO again said "ate you gonna play bad mitton"
I said nonchalantly "no didn't think you guys wanted me to play. I'm good. Looking up gardening ideas".
SO:"we asked you if you want to play"
Me: no you asked me.

comebacks? what do you say?

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Fri, 05/30/2014 - 10:07am

I hate pretending like the lil side "pee on leg of dad" comments don't exist (territorial)
My SS is 8 going on 9 and a Minihusband to SO

What comebacks do you have to their comments and talks that exclude you? What do you say... see last blog. What I think I might say next time is "yes like the ones your dad and I go to alone, as a couple, together, when you are away"

I really want to say that. This kid knows what he's doing and his child psych. told me to call him out on it ... to show him it's not ok with me. How IDK it'll be a while til we see her again.

Barf

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Thu, 05/29/2014 - 8:55pm

"We have lots of plans next Saturday a festival pool birthday party and outdoor music event"
"Oh dad like the one you and I went to alone just the two of us a few years ago."

Me:"yep like the ones we went to last year. Went to plenty last year which is much more recent " lol

Feeling torn and emotional

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Wed, 05/28/2014 - 6:15pm

Maybe I'm getting my period bc I've been almost crying at the drop of a hat at YouTube videos etc.
Tonight going to hot yoga w a gf of mine and SO and SS who I saw all of five minutes are going dishwasher shopping. I don't want SS getting the idea that he's an adult making decisions about appliance shopping. Ok why but it irritates the hell out of me.

My emotions are all over the place.

apology with art from SS8

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Tue, 05/27/2014 - 3:38pm

This weekend we spent time at SO's dad's house and with his cousins. I love being there. What I don't like is that SS8 gets super hyper and puts on a show and won't calm down. He does great in the car on the way there and then BOOM. SO's dad and I are quiet people and somewhat introverted. "Grandpa" gets super annoyed very easily and exhausted by SS. What ends up happening is that grandpa and I are forced to only talk to each other b/c SO and SS are off talking nonstop no matter where we are... talk talk talk. talk talk talk.

Step parent stress weight gain O/T

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Submitted by bluehighlighter on Tue, 05/27/2014 - 12:40pm

UGH I have put on so much weight the past year and am trying to lose it. I've only been heavy one other time in my life and that was in college when my dad was dying and just college in general with eating crap food and alcohol.

I thought I'd just go for a walk everytime I have extra energy and then go to the classes at our neighborhood gym. I don't want to set unrealistic goals for myself upfront but just get myself started. I'm usually rather small otherwise. I dont feel cute at all right now and it's now summer ugh.

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