apology with art from SS8
This weekend we spent time at SO's dad's house and with his cousins. I love being there. What I don't like is that SS8 gets super hyper and puts on a show and won't calm down. He does great in the car on the way there and then BOOM. SO's dad and I are quiet people and somewhat introverted. "Grandpa" gets super annoyed very easily and exhausted by SS. What ends up happening is that grandpa and I are forced to only talk to each other b/c SO and SS are off talking nonstop no matter where we are... talk talk talk. talk talk talk. It's really rude honestly, rude to grandpa as we are there to see him and spend time with him and rude to any other family member that has to endure this.
SOOO... on day two of our weekend SS was allllll over SO would not stop hugging and climbing all over him, any store we went to he was all over hanging on him. Which was annoying as HELL. Anytime I'd try to even side hug SO there was SS. I got so annoyed in one store we went to and SO noticed and turn his back to SS and told him "hey go look at that... (blah blah) over there"
The next day as we were leaving to go back home we stopped at an outlet mall and it started again. SS just right in the damn middle of everything. Finally at the Gap in line when I was very close to SO and trying to talk to him with like maybe an inch or two in between us with us facing each other. SS pops up right beside us. I say annoyed "you DON'T have to!!...." Then I turn around then tell SO loudly "i'm going outside"
When SS and SO come outside SS says "bluehightlighter, I didn't know you two were trying to do a hug, I'm sorry I got in the way"
and I say rather frustrated "well yesterday you did it all day long, got right in the middle and it's very frustrating! but thanks" and then I walk myself to the car. I was nice the rest of the ride but I'm so tired of this shit. We've been doing so well at home, this hasn't been happening but it's like all rules and manners go out the window when we visit family.
Later in the car i said "SS thank you for apologizing, I should've told you yesterday when you were doing it sometimes I just don't know what to say b/c I dont' want to hurt your feelings. I care very much about not hurting your feelings"
SO and I had a long talk later on the porch about things SS needs to start learning:
1) when we visit people the time should really be around that person so SS needs to learn how to stop talking and then instead ask grandpa questions about himself and help grandpa with things instead of needing constant stimulation from people
2) all rules still apply on vacation
3) if people are hugging or talking really close to each other, give them a minute or a few minutes and then you can talk or say "excuse me" try to learn to read peoples body language and whether or not now is a good time to hug on dad and drag him away - there's a time and place - that is not every 5 minutes
4) lots of kids have to start learning different ways of interacting as they get older. more is expected, better manners and more appreciation for others
5) saying "dad dad dad dad dad" every few minutes alienates other people in the family and is rude and annoying. There can be some "dad " "dad" but the majority should be SS speaking to everyone without needing to say "Dad" first. (SO had gotten so annoyed over the weekend also and finally one day said "i dont' want to here "dad" one more time. not one"
Apparently SO explained that he knows how much SS annoys grandpa and he annoys me some too and so he was trying to keep us from being annoyed by talking to him non stop so that SS wasn't talking to us non-stop. Which ok I get but in reality he needs to learn to deal with the fact that he is a CHILD he's not 3 years old anymore and so he needs to learn to be patient and be quiet or interact with adults respectively w/o having to be constantly entertained and get constant attention. SO agreed and said he guesses he had just gotten stuck in doing it this way for so long.
After this talk SO and I came inside and SS had made us books. There were 2 pieces of paper each stapled together with a colorful "look inside" written on the front. The second page was a list of the rules that SS had memorized about interrupting (is it the right time?, is what I want to say related?, is it a smart question or an accurate statement). Then at the bottom it said something like "Dear dad and bluehighlighter, I'm sorry for interrupting. I now know that it really drives you nuts. SS"
We both hugged him. I thought it was really sweet and I never get mad at him to his face so it might have been a shock when I said "yea but yesterday all day... etc etc." We all managed to be alright in the end and SO and I came up with some things for SO to talk to him about and he did. SS didn't break down or get all upset the rest of the night he even let SO read him a story and asked me to sit with him and kinda curled up close to me while SO read to him.
I hope he remembers everything I really do think he's trying and that makes me smile. I put the "book" on my night table
I thought alot about how the stepkids on here that are raised by dads only can sometimes be the WORST at being age appropriate. I wondered, after SO shared with me his reasoning behind what happens on family trips, if the guys are sometimes just clueless as to how to manage social situations and dance around the kids with kid gloves instead of teaching them age appropriate lessons. We go to Grandpas house again in July and so I hope to see the beginning of changes in how this all plays out so that both grandpa and I can enjoy more than just each other's company. I have gotten a lot closer with SO's dad as a result of all this though so at least that has been one benefit. I'm sure his dad would like to be able to talk to him also and not have to say to his grandson "why are you so hyper, calm down SS, you know the waiters will come and take you out of here if you're too loud." I also learned a lot more about ADHD kids and how they really don't read social cues well.