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Paintcrisis's Blog

Steplife by proxy

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I am no longer in steplife but it continues to haunt me. This story I'm about to tell uses real situations, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. . .

My BDalmost18 is one of the quietest kids you will ever meet. She is socially awkward, having received a double whammy of the genes from both her father and I. Poor kid.

He caved. . .

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This is not my story. I am step-free and have no plans to change it.

The update is: he caved, succumbed, deferred, knuckle undered, conceded, gave in, capitulated, yielded. . .

This is my friend. He pays CS (ever since the divorce) even though he makes less than BM and has true 50/50 and no arrears. It has been 50/50 from the beginning. They each keep a household and take care of skids. They split school lunches, medical, cell phone, sports fees, etc. . . So I don't know what the CS is for.

Seriously, what is CS for?

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Such a rhetoric question I know. But when custody is truly 50/50 and BM makes almost 25% more than BD and BD still pays CS, what is it for? Would it be reasonable to expect it to pay BD's 50/50 share of a cell phone plan, car insurance, school lunches? I thought the CS concept was to equalize the household but when the payee makes more than the payer and still gets child support, it can't be that. . .

What’s your limit?

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I've discovered I have the 'rare' talent of meeting cheaters. Too bad it's not something to brag about. . .

But I have to know, where do you draw a line in the sand?

The guy I was seeing, he had some fun step-problems to bring to the table but since I knew we weren't going to get married or live together, I just watched from the sidelines.

When you realize you were wrong

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Disclaimer: I don’t for one minute think this is the norm. I realize there are many awful skids out there, who deserve all the vents and rants about them.

I saw my ex MSS last weekend. He just graduated from high school. SS brought Mr Toddler to the airport for me since exH couldn’t be bothered to keep our son for 4 nights in a row. It’s tough, you know. . .

Anyway, he and I chatted for about 30 minutes. SS is polite and well-mannered. It was evident in the way he talked to me.  And I knew what I had been keeping buried all these years.

Is it undermining?

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So this one guy I’ve been seeing, has me on alert now. Friday night we went out. It took an hour to get to where we were going. During the ride, he had a nonstop texting session with his older son. That’s not what bothered me. It’s the content of it:

His kids were at the grandparents farm for the weekend. The BGM (BM grandma) was lecturing and threatening punishment to the kids because they got into some serious trouble this week at school.

So SS was complaining about BGM to his dad and his dad was responding with things like: 

grandma is wrong

Tainted forever

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I definitely don’t want to go back to my ignorant state on steplife but I find it interesting how it colors my view on dating now.

The local guy I have been kind of seeing has been away for a week or so. He ‘misses me’, lol. He just got back in town today and called me up and asked me to come over tonight. I was all ready to say yes and then he told me he is getting his kids tonight.

I’ve met his kids, they are ok, I really have no problem with them but I’m going to pass. Sometimes you just want adult time, especially when you have kids of your own. 

When does the reaction end?

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Today I filled a bucket in the sink and walked away for a minute. When I remembered it was running, I rushed back in a panic. It overflowed harmlessly into the sink. In our old house, I flooded the kitchen twice last year doing something similar. I was so freaked out, I had a panick attack trying to clean it up before ExH came home and would scream at me.

He did notice the damp spots so I lied to him and said I spilled a bucket so I wouldn’t hear his abuse.

Welcome to my sh*tshow

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Pull up a chair if you are so inclined.

I just got back from the cop shop. Have to go back tomorrow because they were closed, argh!

Ex texted me this morning about Easter and was normal. Then I got my job interview rescheduled so I nicely asked ex if he could watch Mr toddler for an hour tomorrow since daycare is closed.

He said he was out of town, which is fine and I left it at that.

5 minutes later, he started a 3 hour abusive rant. He said things like:

*He always ‘new’ I was a f*cking loser.

*He’s glad I’m dating a low life ‘pice’ of shit 

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