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I'm really struggling

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This holiday weekend we had SD4 and as always it was awful and gut wrenching. I try to get it together but for the life of me, it seems that I just get worse, she gets worse and DH gets worse! I can't stand the 4 year old things, I can't stand the noise of constant cartoons and movies, her talking to herself and dolls ALL DAY LONG! (I'm not exaggerating). I can't stand that DH is such a softy and EVERYTHING he does with her is a negotiation and has to be explained to a T before it happens.

The long Talk...

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Tonight DH and I had a very long discussion as to why I don't want to be involved with SD4 and SS15. It was very intense and emotional. I had to explain to him that although I knew of the kids and was around the kids before we married, I never knew that my feelings regarding them would intensify to this level. Now that we are married, I can't stand the fact that my husband made babies with another woman...It really disgusts me. We went back and forth about the hurt and misery that it's causing all of us.

A Blessing and a Curse

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First off, I must say that marrying DH is the best thing I've ever done in my life. He is a beautiful soul and in 12 days we will be at our 1 yr anniv. He backs me in pursuing my personal goals and basically is the best provider that I've ever been with. I quit my job in Oct 08 b/c I am in Nursing School (first yr to be completed May 21, 09). We have a wonderful relationship when it's just him and I. He gets SD4 and I feel like I start to lose it.

BM and her pitiful ignorance!!! Grrr...

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We had my SD3 this weekend as we get her EOW...she has a cold and has been hacking all day and night. SHe felt warm so DH took temp and the first was 103 degrees and the second was 104 degrees. Her drop off time is at 6pm and it was 4:30p when we realized she had a fever. DH went to the store to get Tylenol and called BM to inform her of the the news and that he was going to drop her off a little early so that SD3 could get home and comfortable. But of course BM has to play games as usual stating that she is not home and neither is her SD3's grandmother.