After 21 years of sending birthday cards and gifts to skids and gskids and never getting a thank you and never ever receiving a card or gift from them, I quit.

I do want to mention that they would say "Thank you Daddy" and the majority of the time he didn't even know what I gave them.

One of the many facets to navigate- when to speak up and when to keep your mouth shut. I have recently adopted the keep my mouth shut tactic, and I've also been able to finally set a few boundaries, like not playing a parent role by being responsible for things when I'm not respected. It has worked out for the better so far, maybe just because I took the pressure off of myself. Anyways...

DH and I can't have a private conversation with ADHD SS8 around. When I say around, I mean when he's 2 rooms away watching TV, playing in his bedroom with the door closed or even "sleeping".

So, 3 years married and I just finally heard my spouse say what I already knew and kept stating.. She was feeling guilty about how she left her past and felt like she abandoned her former spouse and his family. All of this pressure had been placed on me to always do so much to ensure everyone else was comfortable despite the disrespect to our marriage and to me. I've explained this to her countless times. How she always bent to him and took his side even when he was in the wrong. I don't communicate with her ex and never met him.

Does the sadness of failed family blending every truly go away? DH and I have been very happy together and today is actually our anniversary. And I should be feeling celebratory but tbh, I'm struggling. When we got married, 7 years ago, all 4 of our kids were by our side, cheering us on. Our extended families and friends were there. (As fast as as we knew) there wasn't a single objection to our marriage. Even our exes were supportive. And then things changed drastically, DH is now no contact with his kids and everyone in his family other than his mom (very low contact).

Ok I have to rant a bit here. I follow SS12 on his TikTok and we only created an account to monitor SS on it a few years ago and honestly I think he has completely forgotten I am his friend on there and can see his content. His content is mainly his BMX riding and him playing sport so it's nothing too drastic. 

This has continued to be a problem for years!! We have SS12 full time, mom has no custody or visitation. I have argued and pleaded with DH for years to stay on top of SS room. It is absolutely disgusting. This weekend I got fed up of smelling it from his bedroom and went in there myself. Found a disgusting amount of trash, junk, clothes, EVERYWHERE you could barely see the floor. Found 2 bottles of URINE because he was too lazy to walk literally 5 feet to his bathroom. His floor is wet and has yellow stains which he claims is from sleep walking at night.

SD (Mother of birthday child) asked DH if he would like to go out to lunch today so that he could see the grandchildren.  Of course that would mean that he would be paying as always.  He suggested that SD and her children come to our house and he will prepare lunch.  She agreed so now he is out buying kid friendly food and birthday gifts.  My guess is that he will also buy a birthday cake.  

DH said last night that we always did separate birthdays with the skids and he will stand firm on not going to these little birthday parties at the home of SD's with BM and her family.

Good lord, if we could have one week without a problem...

To recap, last time SS14 went back to his mom's, I discovered he had taken a nearly full bag of chocolate candy I had bought. Also, a drawer to his bedside table was missing.

Wow! I can't believe last time I post something was 2 years ago.

Life hasn't always been all rosy and rainbows, but I feel now I finally kind of learn how to center myself. Not without a cost though, I've gone through so many different cancer treatments, and just finally be at a stage that I don't need to go to the hospital anymore. It was a blessing that I was able to find out before the cancer cell spread. I do feel like the whole experience let me rethink how I should treat myself and my love ones.