DH's birthday is in a couple of weeks. Prior to the 2022 blow up, we would celebrate with all 4 of our kids and the two older kids' partners. My SKs weren't perfect, but we did all gel as a group and our family dinners were always fun. Last year, SS and future-ex-DIL came to dinner and it was a disaster. This year neither of the SKs are coming which is how it has to be. But my heart is still sad for DH and full of nostalgia for how it used to be. I know this detachment is the right thing for me and for my marriage, and most days it feels very freeing, but I hate it for my DH.

My DH and I are both professionals and make decent salaries, and over time I've been the majority breadwinner and supported the home when DH was struggling with child support court cases. DH is 22 years older than me and oldest SS is 10 years younger than me. 
 

We are now earning enough to plan around tax and asset investments and given a never ending saga with the older SS, who firmly believes the world owes him a living and he plans to "inherit" and be "rich" from his father, the topic of wills came up. 
 

I thought I had a fresh start - we moved halfway across the planet just DH and I. Life was paradise, until last week when DH said 'oh SS is arriving tomorrow'. He didn't tell me till the last min because he knew my position. 
 

in the last 6 months, he's been to visit SS 4 times in our old home. I was totally fine with that set up, and happy for him to go. Him coming to ruin my new life is a different story though. I'm feeling a little broken and as my DH said this morning, the past week has been hell and he can't cope. 
 

DH and I agreed from the start that our collective children's wellbeing and happiness were paramount. There could be no serious relationship between us without acceptance and support from all four of the kids. My son was easy. He was 10 years old at the time and lived to please others. He quickly welcomed DH, told his father that DH was a "great guy", and invited DH to join our next family picture. So, other than some lessons on etiquette and empathy, our job with him was done. My daughter (12 at the time) was a harder sell.

Hello,

To put it mildly, I haven't been well lately and I've been working from home.  I've ordered lunch from Grubhub a couple of times throughout the last couple of months.  But today it really hit me that something seems really weird.  

I got married to my wife when my stepson was 12 year old. He didn't seem to care that his mom was marrying another woman. However he kept his distance. He rarely said hi or hello to me at home. Soon that behavior bled into the way he treated his mom. He clearly preferred to be at his dad's place. He is a 27 year old phd student in biophyiscs/ biochemistry. When ever he gets free time he always visits his dad. He only sees his mom once a year and he is only one state away, yet he has been at his dad's place four times yearly. Last Thursday was my wife's birthday.

I lost my patience with trying to get DH and Guzzlord in line on the dish situation.  Like, I realize it sucks this place doesn't have a dishwasher, but it's not hard to do if you keep up with them and I feel like Guzzlord won't die from overexertion without one.  I decided for now I'll do it myself and think of something Guzzlord can't screw up that's still helpful to his dad and I.  I feel like there's some weaponized incompetence at play here. 

I will start by giving you my background. I have been a stepparent for 17 years, all 3 boys, now 24, 21, 19.  There was a 3 year separation from 2009 to 2012. Married officially in 2014, have 2 children together 12, 8.  Not long after meeting my spouse I was inserted into the boys' lives. I was 21, so it was scary and exciting and I had no idea what hornets nest I had just got myself into.  Over the years we have fought repeatedly because of his sons. They caused so many issues that my H left me 6 weeks after I had our son.

I'm in dire need of a place to vent.  Also, does anyone know the protocol if your SS is just 18 as far as whether he's considered an adult or teenage step at this stage?