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Adult SD18 with no motivation

Cara2727's picture


My SD18 came to live with is back in april after having no relationship with her for 5 years, she told us her bio mom kicked her out and she had no where to go. We took her in and she graduated high school. Since graduation she has no motivation to find a job or move out. It has become a very stressful environment at my house. She sleeps all day and is up all night talking to her online friends and playing games. She  has her personal computer and phone but uses our internet. She eats everything in the house while we're asleep, I went from 1-2 gallons of milk to 4-5 a week, 3 to 4 bags of cereal a week. Her food consumption is effecting not only my wallet but my biological kids are getting less and less. She filled out applications to jobs but told her online friends that she will only work mornings because she knows talking to them at night is more important. She had one interview and she wore sweat pants and a sweat shirt, my husband told her to brush her hair and she did the most minimal she clearly isn't trying. I don't know what to do, take out the Wi-Fi?, lock up the food? My husband (her dad )and I are in an agreement that we know she can't go back to her bio moms house and that we want her to succeed but she has zero motivation. 


Evil4's picture

Hopefully Rags will chime in here. I implemented his Burning Platform Program to my DD22 when she was around 17 or 18. It worked quite well and very quickly. She is now working a job she loves and worked more than one job at a time and babysat in addition to that so that she could graduate with her degree with zero student loan debt. She has done that.

The Burning Platform Program makes young adults very uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that they hate their lives and anything is better than their discomfort. However, I had DH's buy-in to implement the program for our DD. If you have a Disney dad who will do anything for his baby to stay with him forever you're screwed. 

Alane's picture

Hello,  how did it work out for you? I have the same scenario. 

Survivingstephell's picture

Yes to the Burning Platform.  Just search this site for it.  Rags wrote the entry.  The more uncomfortable you make her the better.  No privileges for deadbeat sofa surfers.  For some reason my OBD tried this.  Cut her off and threatened rent and she got stuff done in a week.  Enrolled in  College and got a job.  

Just say NO to coddling.  

CLove's picture

So, the basics of the Burning Platform Program (BPP) is:

1. Lock the house up, sending SD out into the world. Regular working hours 9-5 or similar. She doesnt get to sit around doing nothing but sleeping, eating, gaming or talking to friends. She can walk around all day, do whatever, but she is hopefully out looking for a job.

2. Chore list a mile long. Chores must be completed each day. if not, they will be on the list the next day with additional chores. 

My personal addition:

3. Separate finances. Shes affecting your finances? Well you will no longer be buying food. Your husband made this kid, shes not yours. You provide for yours and yours only. Make it clear to your husband that if lazy skid eats your food, he will be reimbursing you.