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BF’s mom pissed at him...

LARoman62's picture

Well...  my bf's mom was fit to be tied at her son.  She was angry that he took her dresser and gave it to his son and stuck a great big armoire filled with yet even more of his clothes he doesn't wear in her room.  She also was pissed he was cleaning his room yet again.  Even at 95 yo, and with dementia, grandma has told me the kid needs to clean his own room and get a job. This time the excuse is because the Little Prince has been working 6 whole days!  Well he did get his special shirts today for the assistant manager's position after all. This deserves a reward.  Forget that my bf had to ask me to use my car last night to rescue him once again (the prince smashed his and then his dad's car up so they have only one now).  This 3rd. vehicle has been beaten on so bad by this brat that my bf just put thousands for repairs last week!  Anyway he went to a highway to pick up a large order from his son last night, then proceeded to deliver it for him!  WTF?!  Ok there was a bad accident and he couldn't get off to a side road.  So friggin' call a waiter or busboy to help you, not daddy!  The brat even asked for and kept the tip!  His father told me he was showing initiative.  What planet is this man on?  I can see already the kid is getting tired from being on his feet all day.  He had a solom look on his face tonight, I recognize it all too well.  Last night he was limping due to an old knee injury.  Who the hell knows, he just might push through and get in the groove.  As long as he is out of the house during the day I'm happier.  It's so much calmer when he's gone.  It makes my time here more bearable until I get things set up to move myself back south.  Just gotta keep biting my tongue.


LARoman62's picture

Tbh granny has dementia and changes her tune frequently on this point.  I just got a kick out of the fact she said his son should be doing it.  Today she is happy the kid is okay with it and it's clean, go figure. 3 weeks ago she was saying I should clean it, and it's woman's work... that she knows the president, lol blah, blah blah...  I was like... Oh. Hell. No!  You do it then!  

Dad has a hard head.  It takes a lot to get him to really listen.  I keep planting suggestions; later he tells me about the great ideas he came up with. Ugh.

tog redux's picture

If you are genuinely on your way out, then don't let it bother you anymore. Let him do things his way and focus on yourself and getting yourself ready to leave (emotionally and financially).

LARoman62's picture

Been emailing with the realtor about the little house I want.  Just need to try and bring the price down enough to cover the real estate lawyer.

I'm trying.  Things bother me when they intrude on my personal boundaries.  Other than that I am just happier when the son isn't in the house.  Everyone is calmer.

Cover1W's picture

Yep. We have one car, mine. I paid 100% of it. I let DH use it.

BUT once YSD is of driving age and she needs to go places those keys get yanked.


LARoman62's picture

I never let his son drive it.  I told my bf flat out the kid cannot be trusted with any car.  He's lost his father's car in the city, smashed into shit repeatedly, blows tires running up curbs wasted...  both know I refuse to lend my vehicle to the brat.  My bf was a professional chauffeur for 15 years before retiring for the president of a huge company.  He is an excellent driver.  But I hear you, an accident could still happen.  I also don't want him driving it until I get the registration straightened out, still he pressures me.  It's started a few big arguments.  If I get caught my car gets impounded until I can update the registration plus my insurance sky rockets for a moving violation.

LARoman62's picture

All he sees is his BS24's WANTS/DEMANDS.  It's a sick twisted codependency.  I've never seen anything like it... it's creepy if you ask me.  I swear he will wither and die when the kid doesn't want him around and starts living his own life one day.

notarelative's picture

You moved long distance to be with him. But, he is not the guy you thought you dated years ago. There was a reason you didnt last then, and it wasn't because you flaked on him. Take off the rose colored glasses and think about it.

He misrepresented the circumstances. He does not respect his mom (taking away her dresser and moving in the armoire). He is at his son's beck and call using your car. (If he is using your car, and lives in the same household, he needs to be on the insurance.) 

Yes, you are being paid as a caretaker for his mom. But, do you have health insurance? If not, you are one illness away from having that money you put aside disappear. Admitting you made a mistake is hard, but it may be the right thing to do.

This relationship has lots of pluses for him, but are there pluses in this relationship for you? 

LARoman62's picture

I told him the same thing, he is supposed to be on my insurance if he's going to drive my car.  I don't want to pay for another driver, and he lied and said his insurance agent said no.  He seems to lies a lot.  Either way I'm looking into it.  My old agent from 10 years ago, when I lived in NJ, said I was required to list all licensed drivers living in the household.  That would send my insurance skyrocketing, especially with his son!  

I don't currently have health insurance.  Once I get the car registration done I'm off to apply to a half dozen companies that fit my experience.  People are desperate for employees so it shouldn't be difficult.  I have 20+ years experience and I feel positive about things.  All have decent benefits. Employees always need people in my field normally anyway.  The current situation has opened a lot of doors.

We only dated a very short time, but basically I moved a few towns away, lost his number, and just never looked for him.  I really did flake on him, but there must have been a reason.  Either way, you are right.  He is extremely codependent with his son, disrespectful to his mom, and does little to nothing to nurture us.  

I have no issue admitting I made a horrible mistake, I'm just going to have to bide my time until I can get out of here.  We have talked about me leaving twice before.  Once when he saw how unhappy I was, and was a gentleman about it.  He said he'd give me time to set things up.  The second time was after over me not lending him my car (expired reg).  That time he wasn't so understanding.  The next morning he had cooled down and I let it go, later an apology was given by him.  I'm pretty sure next time I say I'm leaving it will get nasty so I need to have my ducks in a row.  I'm sorry I didn't just leave the first time he brought it up.