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Hastings's Blog

The Apple really doesn’t fall far

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Saturday, DH decided to go watch SS12's bowling league, to show support. Not surprisingly, SS barely acknowledged his presence. There are also only three kids in the league now, so kind of boring and pointless. Anyway, he once again said from now on he'll probably only go on kid weeks. Whatever. I don't particularly care, as I've made it clear I have no intention to go -- ever. Baseball is it for me.

Good grief, BM

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DH and I just talked about the problems with SS12 and his utter refusal to follow some very simple rules. DH admitted he occasionally hears from BM -- usually starting with the "I don't want to butt in, but..." (Of course followed by her butting in.)

Basically, she said SS tells her we never go anywhere. We don't go out a whole lot. We go on walks. We occasionally go out to eat. DH will sometimes take SS to the arcade or the movies for a special treat. But we don't do "fun stuff" every week. She's just appalled by that.

Common sense… not so common

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I know kids can be clueless and space cadets at times. But, sometimes, I'm just dumbfounded.

SS12's laundry has been an issue for quite a while. He'll bring down his laundry basket half-full of clean clothes. DH gets onto him. SS responds with a shrug and "why does it matter? Stuff's getting washed anyway." Well, if we have to do multiple loads, that's a waste of water, time and electricity.

Saying no

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After years of reading and learning here, I'm feeling confident about a boundary. No guilt.

So, when SS12 was in first grade, he started participating in the local kids' bowling league -- every Saturday morning from September through March. I don't like bowling. And standing around in a noisy, crowded alley that smells like fried food (I can't fathom wanting fried pickles at 9 am) was not my idea of a good Saturday morning. But, I went because I wanted to be supportive and a part of things.

I’ve had it

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SS12 loves our little dachshund mix. Dog only has interest in SS when SS has food. The last three nights in a row, while we're eating (we tend to eat in the living room), when Dog has gotten up on the couch, SS has held onto Dog. Dog doesn't usually struggle much, but he stares across the room at me, constantly. Three times I've had to remind SS not to hug him -- dogs don't like it. Tonight, I noticed SS had his fingers looped in Dog's collar. I called him out on it and Dog immediately ran away from him.

Non-responsive and advice

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Today was the first day of school for SS12. He's at his mom's this week. DH texted him first thing this morning to say he hoped it was a great day. No response. He texted him after school to ask how the first day was. No response.

This is pretty normal. SS rarely, if ever, responds to DH's texts. We confiscate his electronics at night and every morning when DH gets the phone back out, the screen lights up to show a dozen unread messages from BM and her parents.

The school thing (and $$$$)

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So, SS12 is an only grandchild on both sides of his family. MIL doesn't go overboard, but BM's parents do -- big time. As in, buy him expensive gifts and hand him large amounts of money for no reason. He's very close to them. As someone who had a wonderful relationship with her grandparents, I know how valuable and rewarding that can be. But DH is frustrated and concerned because he doesn't really agree with their values or the effect they have on SS. (He's massively spoiled and entitled.)