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dledden's picture

Most of you know my story, skid, 10, baby momma a junkie, he lives with us fulltime, has autism and other issues.

BM has been blowing up DH phone to come see her kid, her normal 2x a year visits. I blocked her number. She then called MY PHONE, who I didn't block as she never contacts me. GAME ON. Well I let her HAVE IT, how she's a sorry excuse for a parent and in no way shape or form was I going to let her see her son unless she paid me my child support for doing it, or she got her shit together and started being what a parent should be, INVOLVED, PRESENT, ETC.

Well, she ends up totally upset and texing me how horrible of a mother she is and she's trying so hard to beat her addictions, she's in a program, blah blah blah.....I told her that her son is telling friends at school that he MISSES HER, for chris' sake and she's 35 something and her son is 10 and it's time to get off the drugs, clean up, etc........

So, she and I have been talking and making plans for her to see him. I told her i will hunt her down if she abandons him again, she asked if she can call me when she's wanting drugs, have someone else besides her sponsor to talk to, someone to be a heavy because the shit i said to her really hit her HARD (it was really mean, I tend to hit below the belt)....and she really wants to change. I want to give her a chance. I want to try to help her do it. I think she's never had any real 'tough love' support in her life before, no one who really gave a shit. This child NEEDS AND LOVES HER. And I need and would love a BREAK, and maybe one day when he's grown up, he goes to live with her! (he likely won't ever be able to live on his own).

How did my AWFUL BITCH SELF end up in a situation where I'm going to try to help BM get her shit together???

So, there it is. I've turned SOFT, LOL......

Stay tuned, BM is coming for her spawn on Sat till Monday Smile

overworkedmom's picture

I told BM the same thing when she got sober. I think that after just 1 year she is about to fall off the wagon again...

Just be prepared for the fall out of her becoming a regular fixture on SS's life and how that will affect yours and SS's relationship as well as the fall out from when she will go back to drugs.

omgsaveme's picture

I think it is amazing that you are helping her and that you are taking care of SS. You have a big heart and hopefully she does get clean. You could have just simply hung up on her, but you may be giving just what she needed. That is SO sad for SS, but you are a great person.

Anon2009's picture


OP, you are awesome. I hope that someday, BM will clean up her act for good for her son. He's lucky to have you in his life. You were right to say to BM what you did.

ctnmom's picture

Be careful- addicts are great at spinning and saying what you want to hear. And I'm serious- lock up your valuables/money if she comes in your house. Good luck, I'll pray for her to get clean I know how much you need a break. Sad

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Having a BM like this for 18 years now, you are setting yourself up. Addicts are manipulators and users... toxic takers... drones on society. Don't fool yourself into think you can help her. She needs professional help and she needs to do it herself. She is not your burden to carry.

Cocoa's picture

are you sure you want so much of your energy going towards this losing proposition? it's a wonderful thought, but women are such fixers, and will run head long into a situation that they have very little ability to every fix. i'm old and too tired to take something like this on.

Orange County Ca's picture

Exactly what Cocoa said. Nothing she says can be believed. But if nobody helps she'll never get off the drugs. I've heard it said that heavy drug users will quit by age 35 one way or another. I.e. if they don't they'll be dead by then. So maybe she is ready - or maybe she's one who will push the average age up and use until she's 40 then drop dead. Meanwhile you've wasted 5 years.

Nobody knows - not even her - if she can straighten up. Meanwhile are you the one to decide if she should see the kid? Might be better if you let Daddy be the one to take on that decision as well as any repercussions coming from that decision.