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Ann Is Having Second Thoughts About Tom...Again

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

One week is the Perfect Love of a Lifetime, the next it's crap. Ann came into work upset today, shut the door to my office, and plopped down in a chair and started to sob. Apparently things aren't as hunky-dory with the Hot and Wonderful Tom as she made it appear just a week or so ago, when they were talking about buying a house together. Well, duh. Who didn't see that coming?

Apparently there was an "episode," as she put it, last weekend. She and her 10-year-old (Chris) had spent the night at Tom's, as they commonly do most weekends. It was about 7:00 Sunday morning when she woke up to Tom's kids screaming at each other. So, she got up (yes, SHE got up to deal with it, not their parent. The "skids" were arguing over some toy or whatever, Chris was playing by himself, and she told the kids to stop fighting, clean up the mess, and get ready for breakfast. Chris offered to help clean up the mess, and asked Luke (Tom's eight-year-old) where to put something, and Like screamed at him, "Freaking figure it out!!" Ann said this is the first time Luke has ever acted like that, but it's not surprising considering everything. So Ann sent Chris to the kitchen to make some frozen waffles for himself.

Meanwhile, Tom had gotten up, woken by the yelling, and was in the kitchen. Ann hadn't heard him get up. She was at the other end of the house with his hellions. Chris came back to the playroom empty handed. Ann asked him why he wasn't eating, and Chris' response.

"Tom told me that if he doesn't get to sleep in, nobody gets what they want to day and I can eff-word starve." (Except Tom actually said "F*&^ing starve").


So, not only did Mr. Hottie tell a child- someone else's child- that he can effing starve, but he'd throwing a princess snowflake bitch fit because he couldn't sleep in on the weekend.

Now, I'm proud of Ann for what she did next. She calmly told Tom, "It sounds like you're in a bad mood and want to be left alone for a while, so Chris and I are going home." And they left. She couldn't believe Tom had spoken to Chris that way, though I'm really not sure why since that's how he speaks to his own kids.

Ann texted him later to see if he wanted to get together to talk. No, he wanted "bonding time" with Luke while Mary was playing with a friend. OK, how about later? Nope, the football game is on.

It was like that all week, according to Ann. Every time she wanted just a half hour of his time to talk about what had happened, there was an excuse. The kids had homework they needed help with. He wasn't feeling well. He had a long day at work. Blah blah blah. This past weekend, they had plans. They were all going to go to Chris' ball game together, then go biking in the park. Nope. Tom had yard work to do. Then he was tired.

He finally was generous enough to give Ann about 20 minutes of his time Sunday night, and Ann confronted him about what he said to Chris. "Was that wrong, what I said?" Really, Tom? You don't see anything wrong with that? Apparently he said it because he wasn't feeling weel, he was tired, and he couldn't see or talk to Ann, his girlfriend, all week because he was "stressed out."

I think maybe Ann's eyes are really opening. This isn't the first time he's "punished" her for saying or doing something he didn't like. She's thinking he's narcissistic or bipolar or something and hasn't been diagnosed. After recent events, she says she's really not hopeful for the relationship. Then again, this could be sunshine and unicorn farts by the end of tomorrow, for all I know.

I say she's a heck of a lot nicer that I would have been. I wouldn't beg and grovel for a few spare minutes of someone's time when they obviously have better things to do than be bothered with me. There's just so much wrong with this guy and his situation. She can still save herself and Chris, but will she?


princessmofo's picture

Oh, lord! Let's hope it's the beginning of the end for Tom. He's a narcissistic d-bag for sure. And I agree, Ghost... I would never have begged for his attention. After the first refusal all he'd have heard from me was crickets all week.

Willow2010's picture

I would never have begged for his attention. After the first refusal all he'd have heard from me was crickets all week.
THIS. But since she kept on and on, she is not ready to get rid of him. At least that is the way I see it. And she REALLY needs to get rid of him. He makes me sick.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I told her exactly that! Do you not see that you're begging for his leftover time? That he only wants to speak to you at his convenience?

And it's never him that reaches out. It's always her. She ALWAYS calls or texts first. I think that may have opened her eyes a bit. Maybe.

moving_on_again's picture

I bet these outbursts start happening more frequently. BM can usually hold hers in for about 3 months and then she loses it.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Exactly. They're going to become a pattern and once that pattern's set, there's your relationship.

Aniki's picture

Gads. Tom continually put off talking with Ann because he didn't want to have the conversation. I really want to give Ann a Flaming Dragon Claw Crotch Kick and dislodge her head from her hoo-hah. Poor Chris!!!

Tiger7's picture

She needs to realize that people will make time for you when they want to. He is a narcissist - I was married to one and the ex-wife of my SO is one to the nth degree. They will make you feel like you're nuts when you call them on something they did. She needs to RUN and fast or her life will be filled with drama. And with young children in the mix, it will just get worse.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Chris sounds like a very nice and helpful boy. If she wants that to change for the worse, all she needs to do is keep exposing him to Tom and his kids. I can't understand a Mom who would subject her child to that kind of treatment.

Monchichi's picture

I am horrified, he deprived a child of breakfast because he couldn't sleep in. Then he gave Ann the cold shoulder because she had the "audacity" to protect her own child from his unpleasant rear end. Ann truly needs to rethink her relationship with Tom. This does not have a good outcome if she stays.

FrenchPeas's picture

Any ass that spoke to my child that way wouldn't hear from me again. It's your job as a parent to protect your kids, so many won't do it. No ass of a man or woman is worth my child being treated ugly. That's why I took my kids and divorced. I wasn't having them hurt or myself called names. Idiots.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

All morning Ann has been going over and over and over everything that happened, every word that was said and how it was said, trying to justify Tom's shitty behavior. I told her straight up that it's ABUSE, plain and simple, of both her AND her kid. There is no justifying it. But she wants so badly to believe it isn't true, to believe that the "love of her life" isn't like that, she just can't see it. I don't know what more it will take, but I can't help her.

hereiam's picture

This is my SD26. She just so badly wants to be part of a "couple" that she will put up with anything. Then, she will justify it and even lie to make people try to forget the awful things her BF has done and said.