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DH Got a Call from SS20 After About 5 Years of PAS/No Contact

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I swear, the universe has gone crazy. Yesterday morning, my grandmother had her second stroke (the first one was earlier this year). She'd made a wonderful recovery, and now this. The second one was worse and it's affected the other side of her body, which had been the good side. She's been in the ICU since and is unresponsive. It's all a waiting game from here on out, hence my blog hogging. Hospital waiting rooms are the worst.

On the same day, SS called DH and left a message on his phone wishing him a Merry Christmas and asking him to call when he can. HUH?? It's been- what?- five years of radio silence? At least four. Hell, I can't think straight. But it's been a long time. We heard nothing from him other than two texts: one asking for his PlayStation and one basically brating DH for being a crappy parent. (The second one was written exactly like BM speaks, but I digress).

So, why now? We've had lots of down time to think of all the possibilities:

1. Maybe, just maybe, now that he's an adult (at least chronologically) SS is seeing the light. We never thought this would happen, at least not for many, many years, but maybe? I truly hope this is the case, for DH as well as for SS. I'm all for them reconnecting. If that includes me, great. If not, fine. But they need it. It'll be a slow process and there's lots of damage to repair, but it can be done with time if SS is really sincere is wanting to reconnect.

2. He needs something. Now that he's been out of school a couple years, maybe BM's pushing him to move out. We have no idea what's going on with him, whether he's in college or working or what, but he's not moving in with us and he's not getting a penny from us. That's definite.

3. Christmas gift grab? Highly doubtful. He's never been a greedy kid, and he hasn't reached out in these past few years around Christmas time of his birthday, so I don't think it's that.

4. BM encouraged him to reach out to try to stir up S&^%. A definite possibility. I'm sure she'd bored now that DH is out of her life and she can't harass him.

5. DH's parents encouraged SS to reach out. We hope so. Maybe they're seeing what it's like not having their son in their life, and are encouraging some relationship repair. It's a possibility. However, it's also possible that MIL or FIL are simply using SS to relay a message.


DH is going to call SS back when he's on his lunch break today. Stay tuned.


And send prayers/good juju/positive thoughts. Everything is just a hot mess right now and DH and I are in a tailspin.


tog redux's picture

Wow, great! Having followed your story in the past, I hope it's something positive. After all, my SS showed up again!

I assume your DH is still paying CS for him?

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I thought of your situation, tog! We're not getting our hopes up too much, but we can't help but have a little.

No, DH is not paying support, thank God. When he and BM divorced they were making about the same amount of BM and they had 50/50, so there was no support order. Hallelujah! She didn't want his money anyway; that way she could tell the kids, "See? Your faaaaatheeeeer does nothing for you!"

tog redux's picture

Lucky you! Can't believe she didn't go for it once he PAS'd out.  Hope for your sake it's something more than a money grab.

It was weird for me to see SS looking like a man when he came back into our lives.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

In that respect, she's not the typical BM. She never wanted a penny of DH's money. She's always been proud to a fault. (What she has to be proud OF, I don't know, but  hey, lucky us). DH did see a couple pictures from social media of the skids at OSS's graduation, and he said OSS looks a lot the same, just with some facial hair, but YSS looks really different. He has glasses now, which he and BM always made fun of OSS for having.

tog redux's picture

SS is really tall, which was weird to see.

Anyway, fingers crossed for SS and sorry about your grandma. Sad

thinkthrice's picture


Sorry to hear about your grandmother.  Hopefully he's not calling because of your grandmother's illness, if you know what I mean...

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Thank you, thrice. And no, there's no way he'd even know about my grandmother, so it's not that.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Yeah, we're both kind of leaning that way too. If that's the case, he's barking up the wrong tree for sure!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, Ghost. I'm sending positive thoughts her way.

As for your SS, please do update us. People tend to get sentimental around Christmas (adds another level of stress and anxiety to the season of Peace and Goodwill for us) but it doesn't often extend past New Years. Dh's eldest gskid19 texted him last Christmas for the first time in seven years. DH responded, but nothing further occured. Gskid was probably prodded into doing it by the Meddler SIL.

I hope this is the beginning of some positive interactions between your DH and his son. Despite my being jaded, it IS the Season of Miracles after all.


strugglingSM's picture

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope everything works out. 

My money is also on #2. Manipulative people have no shame about coming to ask for favors, gifts, treats, etc. 

I'm waiting for this to happen to us...SS is not totally PA'd out yet, but BM is trying her hardest. 

CLove's picture

HI Ghost - its good to hear news.

In my experience skids who call or contact after 18 and who have been no contact for a while, generally its because they be needin sumpin.

SD20 - the only time she contacts ANYONE is for money.