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The latest re-evaluation Phys Therapy Report

dledden's picture

Dh brought this home with him last night. Skid is going to be TEN (10) in 2 weeks. Skid gets re-evaluated every year. Skid was administered the standardized test called the BOTMP-2 which measures upper limb coordination, bilateral coordination, balance, running speed/agility, strength. Here are the changes he's made in each category from 2012 to 2013 (listed by subtest and then the numbers next to are the AGE EQUIVALENT of the points he scored:

upper limb coordination (2012)= 5.10-5.11 (5 yrs 10 mos to 5 yrs 11 mos) (2013)= 6.0-6.2

bilateral coordination (2012) = 5.10-5.11
(2013) = 4.6-4.7

balance (2012) = 4.8-4.9
(2013) = 7.3-7.5

running speed/agility (2012) = 4.4-4.5
(2013) = 4.10-4.11

strength (2012) = 5.4-5.5
(2013) = 5.2-5.3

As you can see, improvements were MINIMAL except for balance which was a big improvement. Some even went DOWN over a year's time.

Ok, so i'm getting to my point. The OCC therapist has to re-evaluate skid with her standardized test tools. She told DH that she doesn't even think she's going to be able to KEEP skid in therapy anymore because she has seen ZERO improvement, in fact, even gotten WORSE over the past year. (Ins. won't keep paying if the therapists can't show data including improvements). P/T was BARELY able to qualify him to continue.

I almost fell out of my chair when DH said to me: "It's my fault he's not improving, I have to work with him at home and I don't"

OMG....REALLY??????? Well, they say admitting is the first step.....I still think he will continue to DO NOTHING and skid will be out of occ therapy, which, trust me, he really needs. His skills in OT are about equal to these PT, 5 year or more delays :O

I have already 'given it to God' of riding my husband's ass, but i'm wondering now since he's admitted he doesnt' parent his kid, maybe I can nudge a little????

What to do???? :?

TASHA1983's picture

Well, considering dh does NOTHING to help/improve this kid's competency in any way and apparently doesn't seem to care that the kid can barely do anything more than a toddler can do I would just say fuck it!

If the kids own parent doesn't care that his kid is this delayed and doesn't lift a finger beyong letting OTHER PEOPLE help his kid and try to "fix" his kid and you have ALREADY tried to get thru to dh numerous times to pretty much no avail..I say let him reap what he has sown. Let him live with the "fruits" of his lack-of parenting his child. Sometimes that is the ONLY way they will ever truly "get it" and start doing what they should be doing for their child. IMHO.

dledden's picture

We all do reap what we sow. I love that reminder. It's almost like my DH, however,hearing shit from ME or anyone else close (like parent/other family member) it just goes right in one ear and out the other. I can't believe he actually, last night, after miss barb the therapist finally I guess TELLING HIM, your kid is gonna be kicked out cuz he's not improving, said "It's MY FAULT"....and it IS his fault.

I have seen skid LEARN by practicing. Clearly he was not born knowing how to read, write, walk, talk, etc. So he CAN learn. Clearly he's no rocket scientist nor will he ever be one, but he CAN learn and improve if DH would get off his LAZY ASS and help him. DH chose to keep that kid after baby momma ditched them, he could have given the child for adoption, given his parents legal guardianship (not that THEY have ever done anything for him), given to someone unable to have children, etc. I am in an autism support group in a town (that i'd need to hit the lottery to afford to live in)where the parents are very wealthy. My school counselor was nice enough to reach out to them to get me in as she could see my struggle with this kid and that I was like a boil about to explode. A large part of those families have ADOPTED AUTISTIC and DEVELOPMENTALLY DELAYED children. Now, maybe they got them as infants and didn't know the history, i'm not sure. Point is, someone would have taken skid at 2 and actually PARENTED him, got him all the autistic supports he needed and been proud and HAPPY to do so!

My frustration comes from having a 10 yr old that functions at a 5 yr old's ability and a DH who won't parent. I can't stand the KID because of his father's and MIL actions prior to my being in the picture. And I WILL NOT DO HIS PARENTING DUTIES FOR HIM and I would NEVER expect him to do mine either!

We'll see if DH steps bet is NO, but I always hold out hope!

TASHA1983's picture

If I were a betting person, and I am not I would venture to bet that he will NOT step up either, if he does, it will be TEMPORARY because obviously this kid needs TONS of help and work in order for him to be at his age/competency level or anywhere close to it and just by looking at the history, dh seems quite content keeping his "head in the sand" in regards to skid. And in the end, the ONLY person that will be to blame and at fault will be DH. If he doesn't want to have a 40 yr old, jobless, hermit in his basement til he dies then he BETTER GTF OFF HIS ASS N.O.W!

dledden's picture

well, you know that's a deal-breaker for me. i'm not keeping a 40 yr old CHILD in my home because he's disabled and his father did nothing. DEAL BREAKER.

TASHA1983's picture

If dh ever let skid move in our home once he is 18 or ^ THAT will be a deal breaker for me! Seeing him and being around him is bad enough, if living with him on a daily basis was on the table I would be out the door!

I don't blame you on that one...if dh does NOTHING to make him a functioning member of society then HE can live with his fuck up...ALONE!

arjuna79's picture

Speaking as a Dr of PT, working with lots of special needs and delayed kids - can the therapist outline a "follow thru" plan for dh. Like, simple interactive tasks or approaches. I have to do alot of parent education and follow-thru that way, might make things clearer for your dh. If it's even one simple thing listed on a paper, coming from an outside authority, would that help him take one simple action for his son? (and sorry if this has already been tried a thousand times to no avail)

dledden's picture

I have a whole basket full of manipulatives for him for O/T, a refrigerator full of instructions full of tasks for DH to do with his son. They have given him EVERY tool. He just wont do Sad