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After much thought, I've decided to not allow anonymous comments anymore.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

I will be checking into new features and re-evaluating old ones. Further changes will be coming soon!

Thanks,

Dawn

Comments

stepoff's picture

Kinda sounds like a good idea. I like to know what someone's background is a little bit before posting anyway.

BTW - sorry for your loss. I hope you're feeling better. And welcome back!

BMJen's picture

At least if they go through the hassell of being verified *hopefully* they are really here to get advice, etc.

I can't wait to see the new changes! Smile

KeeKee's picture

I agree whole-heartedly. Thanks Dawn and DH for everything. I'm getting my Card out now and making a donation to this wonderful site. It can't be much but it's about time I gave back to this wonderful site.

Admin's picture

The reality is that the only difference between posting anonymously and posting as a member is that your email address gets verified by StepTalk. Your email address is never provided to anyone other than Dawn and myself, and we only see it if we need to contact you directly. Of course that will almost never happen unless you break the rules.

You are as anonymous on this site as you want to be. That goes for any site on the Internet for that matter.

This decision was made in order to cut down on the amount of work Dawn has to do in order to manage the site.

@KeeKee, we really do appreciate the donation. The minimal income we receive from the advertisements on the site is our only other revenue we get to help keep the site running. The rest comes out of our pockets.

We are preparing to move the site to a new server in order to increase our capacity which means our costs are about to go up again. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It tells us that the site is helping more and more people every month! Thank you for your support!

-Admin

Amazed's picture

This probably isn't a popular thing for me to say but I wish sometimes a paid membership was required. I know why it isn't a site like that and I'm grateful but sometimes (ya'll know when I'm talking about!) I wish we could all be on a gold membership lockdown Blum 3

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

Admin's picture

Funny you mention that...

Dawn and I are constantly thinking about the future of StepTalk. We've discussed some ideas with select members of the site and we are planning on implementing a "premium" membership option. Regular members will still have most, if not all, of the functionality they have today. Paying members would be given access to premium functionality that other members will not have access to. We want to give members the ability to have more control over not only the visibility of their own posts, but the ability to "ignore" other members, flag content for review by moderators, maybe even a voting system for content. We want to implement badges for members also based on their level of involvement on the site. We have all kinds of cool ideas, but we're looking for more.

The idea is that we want the site to remain as open as possible, but we want to provide services and functionality that members would be willing to pay a minimal fee for in order to keep this site running. The fee would be kept as small as possible ($1 to $2 a month?); hopefully negligible for most members.

We're still in the planning stage on this. Any constructive thoughts, private or public, would be greatly appreciated. We even have a forum for such discussions. Wink

stepoff's picture

That sounds wonderful. I'm sure most of us could do that, and it would help with the finances of the site. A win-win situation!

Maybe make an option so the fee/donation could be made monthly, every 6 months, or even a year in advance so we wouldn't have to pay every single month?

Sita Tara's picture

OH YEAH...You two know how I feel about all that! Can't wait, and YES I will become a premium member immediately upon availability. I hope my "fall fundraiser" post inspires a few more contributors. I'm sure donations will only help you guys be able to make this site better faster.

THANKS again for the space to find answers, whether we do so thru our own words, or the advice of others.

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen

BMJen's picture

I agree with BBB. I wouldn't mind paying to help keep the site going. I don't think charging a 5 or 10 dollar montly fee would be asking to much. And it would help you both to keep this going much better. I bet most people wouldn't mind.

And I know most people trolling won't pay to do it.

I'm very grateful. If it weren't for this site I think DH and SD's would all be dead by now, and I'd be in prision. Smile

Amazed's picture

ROFL...Totally! I'd be your bitch anyday Jen! lol Biggrin

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

stepoff's picture

SMJen and BBB - you 2 crack me up. Don't worry, I'd bail you both out. Otherwise we'd all miss the great advice and banter each day.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Idk about a monthly fee, finances are always soooo tight in our home, we have to cut here and there, unfortunately, this would have to be one I'd have to cut if there was a monthly fee. It would be a shame that some ppl couldn't get the help they needed b/c they couldn't afford it. I know this place has helped me tremendously, because here is a place that you can turn to, with ppl that get you, when your own family doesn't get you. What about instead, *requiring* a one time donation when registering?

__________________________________________________________________________
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

Amazed's picture

Your situation is kind of one of the reasons I'm middle of the road about a membership requirement...I'd hate to have people excluded bc of tight finances. I love your idea about a one time donation though.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

Kb3Hooah's picture

Thanks BBB, Wink

___________________________________________________________________________
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

StepMadre's picture

I agree with middlemom. Our budget is so tight that searching the couch and the underseats of our car for change is not an uncommon activity in our household. My husband frequently has to eat ramen for lunch for weeks in a row, so every dollar counts in our household.

I fully and completely support the non-anonymous move though, I think that's a great decision. I've noticed that the most attacking kinds of posts (usually from lurkers that are obviously angry BMs) are the anonymous ones. If someone makes the effort to register and have an email validated then they are probably here to vent, get and give advice and show support to the other members. I think that was a good move, so thumbs up!

"The truth shall set you free." ~John 8:32

StepMadre's picture

Oh, I also forgot to say that this site has been a lifesaver for me. I have laughed 'til I almost peed my pants, cried, gotten so mad I could burst and been so touched that my heart melted. This site means a lot to me and I would have a really hard time without it.

"The truth shall set you free." ~John 8:32

Squillion's picture

*muah*

Smile

Catlover's picture

Maybe an annual membership fee that is say a minimum amount like the 12 dollars (you mentioned a $1 a month earlier), and those of us that could give more would have the option to do so. Perhaps adding a chat feature for those paying verified members would be an idea. After all, we'd be verified, and wouldn't have to worry about trolls in the chat group Smile

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

BridgingTheGap's picture

I like your idea, Catlover

I wouldn't mind paying a bit if it equals a tad more privacy. The annual memebership idea sounds good to me because it would far less hassle for Dawn. It would probably be a huge pain in the butt to try to collect monthly. But a reasonable annual "donation" or "fee" would be good. That way, we can have some peace of mind in the chat groups.

Admin's picture

I will be integrating PayPal into the site, so all membership payments would be handled by PayPal and since the site would be integrated with PayPal, the site would automatically recognize you as a premium member.

Using PayPal will eliminate the need for anyone to manually deal with payments, etc. Dawn and I won't need access to accounts or credit cards either. It's all automatic and secure. You won't even need a PayPal account as long as you have a credit card. Otherwise you can use any payment method you have setup in PayPal.

As I investigate other payment services there may be other payment options, but for now PayPal will be the only option.

-Admin

bioandstep2009's picture

This site is a GREAT source of support for me. I wouldn't mind some type of nominal fee or one time donation. In fact, I think I'll make a donation now Smile

Stick's picture

Hey Dawn, DH, and Admin - I just wanted to say a quick note of thanks to you both!! It is because of this site that I have been able to cope at all with the past few months and have also come to learn some very important things. This blog gave me the "a-ha!" moment I needed to let me know where to look further!

I, too, would have no problem paying for a membership fee. But I also do feel for the members who cannot pay. I think those members are some of the ones who need the help most desperately. Money issues are pretty much the worst arguments in any marriage, and then to throw them into a step-situation, just brings volumes of added stress layers to that equation. It does seem like every few months we see the "how do you guys split your finances" blog!! Smile

I really do like your idea of a premium option though, and the fact that premium members just get an extra feature, but everyone else still gets to post, blog, and just surf.

One thing you may want to think about is an idea that I had from another site I belong to. They only allow limited surfing without signing up and sending your e-mail. The site is free. But you cannot view other member profiles or too many posts without joining. Does that make sense? I'm on a third site as well, where they won't even let you look at other member profiles until you have posted enough, etc. I don't particularly like that feature, because it is hard to find people in the same situation when you cannot view some of their stats.

Finally, the only other thing I was wondering if you would consider is expanding the profile page. I was thinking of almost like a quick questionnaire type thing where people could list a little more about themselves as well as their paragraph or so on their situation. For example, a spot where we could give our "players" in our lives for example... Just a thought!

But really, more than anything!! THANK YOU!!!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

stepoff's picture

I was thinking the same thing - more profile info. Some of the bloggers don't state the ages of the skids. And it's difficult to know how to respond sometimes without knowing if the skids are 5, 15 or 25. Maybe a feature where we could click on the blogger's name and get some bio info. maybe something that states the country that they're in? Makes a difference sometimes. It's hard trying to keep everyone's bio info straight.

Sia's picture

Actually, on the BPD site, you have to post something about yourself in an "introduction" section, then wait a period of time before posting on the boards I think....

Sita Tara's picture

Here's the site info on the restrictions you are referring to-

"MOD NOTE: Some board services are only available after achieving a minimum number of posts. This includes Read and Send a PM, View Members Profiles, Search, and access to Nonsense, BPD Behaviors board, and Workshops.

Read and Send a PM: 3-5 post count
Workshops: 100 post count
Personal Inventory, Rebuilding our Lives, NonStop: 50 post count"

They do it to protect from some of the altercations, malicious intentions, etc. This is to encourage members to speak calmly and positively with other members, before they're given full access. In particular the last section, "Personal Inventory" b/c those people are in a delicate place emotionally, and the board staff want them to have a true sanctuary from spiteful or malicious posts. As anyone knows from reading my blogs, living with someone with Bpd means tons of verbal abuse heaped upon you day after day.

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen

Sita Tara's picture

PS- one of the best things they do on the Bpd site is assign some members to be Welcoming Ambassadors for the Newbies. So they have a "New Members Post Here First" section, and the Ambassadors work together to read all of those and make contact with a newbie. I think that would help here too, since new members posts can be missed or sometimes worse, found and jumped on without realizing the person is new.

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen

bearcub25's picture

Even though I am a newbie here and don't always have time to post alot, I did make a donation a few weeks ago b/c this site gives so much more than other sites do. I could never put my true feelings on the other sites w/o down right nastiness and rudeness from other posters that didn't understand the 'feral skids syndrome'.

I also think having a membership is a good idea BUT it may not be good for ladies (and men) that don't want their significant others to know they are posting here, but may see it on the CC/debit billing statement. I had to go around paypal b/c it is in BFs name and comes out of his checking account.

Anyway wanted to insert my .02 in here and thank you all for being here.

stepoff's picture

You have a point. I made a donation today and the receipt said it will show on the cc statement as "steptalk". Hubby knows what this site is and I'm sure he'll have something to say about it if/when he sees the charge. An alias name would be a good idea.

bearcub25's picture

Yes when I checked my online transactions it said steptalk and had a phone number. BF doesn't even know the logins to the CCs or bank, and I do everything online.

One thing in this world I can't bitch about it that BF trusts me 100%. Really I doubt he would say anything if he knew...he is right there EOW and sees what goes on and his attitude is 'I just don't want the kids to think I abandoned them or BM will have me arrested if I am too hard on them'.
So bitching constantly isn't gonna do anything but raise my blood pressure and cause many sexless nights....So here we are.

Squillion's picture

How bout SHSSW.com?

"Thank you for your donation to Super Happy Smiley Second Wives.com. We are happy to provide you a safe place to rave about your fabulous husband or considerate boyfriend, your thoughtful and well behaved step-children and the lovely woman who so lovingly gave birth to the little angels who light up your life. We wish you continued happiness in your blissful home."

Amazed's picture

That's it!! I LOVE it!!! Let us take a vote!! lol Biggrin

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

Kb3Hooah's picture

LMAO - Good one Squil!

___________________________________________________________________________
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

BMJen's picture

Getting more and more cynical as well.......won't be long now and it'll be official. Smile

belleboudeuse's picture

HA! That's excellent!!!!

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

belleboudeuse's picture

I like the idea of a little more privacy, too, and would probably pay for it. The one thing I am a LITTLE concerned about is that we don't create a two-tiered hierarchy, so that the people who don't pay don't get as much access to the support as the people who do. As someone above said, often the people who are in the toughest step situations are also people who are in financial distress, as well. I would like everyone who is REALLY here for help and support to be able to get just as much help as a paying member.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

Admin's picture

That won't happen. We aren't wanting to take any existing functionality away from members. We intend to allow members to do what they can do today (plus some), but provide "extras" to those who do contribute, as a "Thank You" for supporting the site.

-Admin

Abalyn's picture

I love the idea of a premium feature! I would love for this site to remain the same for the non-paying members (this site truly saved my marriage!... well, so far) but offer a paid feature where we could post pictures of our kiddos and give a bit more background to our step-friends. I am very limited in what I put on here, because I just fear it will someday come back to bite me in the a$$.

If there were a no-holds barred blog feature too, I think that would be great. On the main page I could post "Any suggestions for disciplining SD9?" And on the premium page, I could post "Any suggestions for performing a lobotomy on SD9 without her parents noticing?" Smile

lostinwisc's picture

yes, I was very sad when a friend of my husbands, who also uses this site, came across my blogs and showed them to him! He was angry and demanded I remove them all before the SK's stumbled across them! I don't know how I could prevent that from happening again... but it would be nice...