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Is this a thing???

Dawn-Moderator's picture

As I've posted before, Ss26 is getting married in December.

He is getting fitted for his wedding attire this evening and he sent Dh a text wondering if we wanted to be there since Bm is going to be there.  Also, Bm's fiance and her 17 year old daughter that she has with fiance, will be there.

Dh was told that Ss26 and Bm are going out to dinner together afterwards, alone. 

Is this a thing?? It feels kind of weird to me but I know nothing about this kind of thing.

Is this Bm pulling the Queen Mother card? She sure hasn't volunteered to help us out with the rehearsal dinner!!

Comments

JRI's picture

Without knowing the details of your steplife, I'm guessing SS is excited and thinking you all would like to be there, too.  Its poignant that when we are the excited bridal couple, we think everyone is as excited and interested as we are.  They arent.  Lol.

BM may not even know SS has invited you.  

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I agree with this.  I feel like if BM knew she may have already tried telling your DH not to go.

stepmomnorth's picture

 I think it's common for groomsmen and father to go for a fitting or anyone in the wedding party?  Any wedding I was a bridesmaid for the bride had just her bridesmaids and mother at the dress shop. Although I'm not quite sure if this is what you are asking. 

SeeYouNever's picture

It sounds like your SS is giving your husband the option to avoid BM if he wants? He should offer to meet SS for a drink before the fitting to spend time together then trade off and let him do the fitting with BM and her gang.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

I'm thinking that Bm is pushing for this.  Ss is the type to not worry about this kind of thing.  In fact, he told Dh that he and his fiance are not really worried about sticking to traditions.

This fitting is just for Ss.  

My bet is Bm is feeling bad for how she was a crappy mom to Ss and now Ss is getting married and it's too late.  My guess, she will be crying the whole time of the fitting. It'll be so awkward and I don't really want to go but Dh won't let me out of it!!

grannyd's picture

Yo, Dawn, 

You've written:

~ I don't really want to go but Dh won't let me out of it!! ~

Yet you know, full well, that there is no escaping the ordeal without giving your DH scolding ammo for years to come. It's one evening out of so many happy, connubial ones, yeah? Best of all, you get to be the martyr if things go south! The fact that your DH insists upon having you by his side is flattering so, like Rags always suggests, get out there, all dressed up, and shine! Dance 4

 

JRI's picture

If you get stuck going, have a glass of wine beforehand.  On second thought, have one when you get home, too.  Lol.  Steplife, don't we just love it.

Our BM didnt bother to do anything about SD's first wedding beforehand.  No shopping for wedding dress, nothing.  I take that back, she did come to the shower.  I dont know which is worse, the drama lama BM like you have, or Disinterested BM like we had.

caninelover's picture

I agree, an extra glass or two or three (probably too much regularly) got me though the Summer of Terror 1.0 and 2.0 with Bratty McBratFace.  LOL.

 

 

queensway's picture

My son and step son both had weddings in the last 4 years. So I would tell you this is not a thing. When my son got fitted for the wedding I didn't go. When SS got fitted for his wedding my DH didn't go with him because he was out of town. He went on his own when he got back. It is a fitting not a party for crying out loud. And if it is going to be a party then it should be the groomsmen and groom not the parents.

Felicity0224's picture

I don't really think it's a "thing" for the mother of the groom to attend a tux fitting. I've planned a handful of weddings over the last 5 years (not an event planner, just have a knack for it and people keep asking me, so I could be wrong about the etiquette/tradition here), and this didn't happen at any of them. I've not observed this to be a social event in the same way that dress fittings are. The groom just goes alone or with the bride, and maybe any other male members of the wedding party who need to be fitted will tag along if the schedule works out. 

If your SS was BM's only child, I GUESS I could understand her wanting to make it a thing, but she has a daughter too? That's weird to me. Her time to go to a fitting will come when her daughter gets married. I wouldn't go to this if I were your DH, unless it's super important to SS for whatever reason.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Really, I think Dh is convinced it IS a thing since Bm is going.  

He is then flashing back to when Ss was little and EVERYTHING seemed to be a competition between us and Bm. 

So, in this case, if Bm is going, Dh feels compelled to go or she would somehow be winning........

Sigh..........

lieutenant_dad's picture

Perhaps BM invited herself and SS is looking for a buffer a la DH.

Your DH should go because his son asked, and it's not an unrealistic ask for a son to ask his father to come to his tux fitting.

That doesn't mean you should have to go, though. Your DH is a big boy and can go without you. He doesn't have control over whether you go - or at least he shouldn't.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

I could put my foot down and say "NO".  But....it isn't worth the fight or guilt trip. 

I'll go, stand back, smile and watch the show.............

 

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Bm said hi.  I said hi. That is the only conversation we had. I did talk more to her fiance because he is not like Bm.

Ss got fitted.  Bm complained that he wasn't getting a vest.  Ss got a little red in the face.

Sales person tried to flatter Bm by asking if she was Ss's sister.  Which made her a little mad and she loudly proclaimed that "I am his MOTHER!!!" So, her night was made.

Oh, and I heard the sales person tell another sales person that Bm asked him for a swatch of the suit matieral that Ss will be wearing.  Then he said he had NEVER had anyone ask him that. LOL

Bm left to go to Olive Garden to get a table for her and Ss and Ss stayed with us to help Dh pick out his own outfit.  

Next up, rehearsal dinner.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

For a tuxedo fitting? I've never heard of the whole family being there. In the weddings i've experienced, the groom, best man, and groomsmen may go together. Often, though, each one just shows up when it's convenient for him and the tuxedo shop has a file for each wedding party. 

Dawn-Moderator's picture

That's what I thought too.

I'm 99% sure it's a messed up in the head, Bm thing.

WalkOnBy's picture

it definitely is a BM in the head thing :-)  I have had adult kids get married and I just asked my SIL if his family went with him to his tux fitting.  He was like, "what?  No, why?"

I don't think this is a thing at all...glad you survived it, though.

notsobad's picture

How bizarre, I've never heard of this either.

Glad it went well for you, hopefully it means the rehearsal and the wedding will go smoothly.

No way in Hell that BM would want DH or me at any fittings, she wants SS all to herself, however this summer we were all together and it went well.

SS29 is getting married next year. His fiance had a surprise Bday party for him this year. BM and SS have the same birthday, he was a C-section and so she chose to share a birthday. It wasn't a big group and DH was a little apprehensive, we haven't been in the same room with BM for YEARS, and it all went very well.

I was teasing SS fiance that this was just a test to see if we could all be in the same room together along with a lot of alcohol, LOL. She didn't say yes or no, just a knowing smile.