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Stressful times....

Dawn-Moderator's picture

My Ss24 got engaged last September.  We are very happy for him! His fiance is wonderful!! She has brought about changes in him that makes him a better, more thoughtful person.

They set a date of December 5, 2020.  We put down a deposit for the rehearsal dinner.  Then Covid hit.

We were hopeful that by December things would be better.  It isn't looking like that is happening.

They haven't talked to us about their plans.  What are they going to do if things are closed down, etc?

We got a save the date card for December 5, 2020 and I got an invitation to the bridal shower for August 16, 2020.

I am so stressed out about this!! I already bought the gift but I don't really want to go to an event with a bunch of people in a closed in space.  I don't want to make them mad but I think we are going to have to talk to them.  I know they won't want to reschedule and I don't want to be the person to rain on their parade.  I seem to always have to be THAT person. Why, why, why??

I don't even know who or how many people they invited to the bridal shower. I know they invited my mom, mother-in-law and sister-in-laws. 

After constulting with my doctor yesterday, I am going to advise my 79 year old mother that she should not go to this.

I really want to tell ALL of my family that I think they should not go.  This includes Dh's mom, who has COPD and Dh's sister, who is a breast cancer survivor.  Not to be mean, I really do want to go but it just doesn't make sense to me to risk it.

I'm sure Bm will be sooooo happy if my family and I don't go. That's fine.  Let her.  I just don't want there to be any hard feelings from Ss's future wife. 

This all really stinks!!!!




CLove's picture

Yes, thats a super-duper hard situation. My DH's close friend is getting married in October. I havent heard any news about a shower...but Ive been opting out of any going out, and have no desire for any future going outs. Even for outdoor seating.

Sorry you are having to go through all this stress. The younger folks dont really think of this as a serious deal - its only affecting the sick and old...

tog redux's picture

For me, it would depend on where you are (high covid/low covid rates) and the venue (ie, can people be seated separately so there is social distancing, etc)

I'd be okay with going to a wedding wearing a mask, if I can sit far from others.  But I'm in a low covid state (right now).

I would wait until closer to December to make a decision. A lot can change in 4 months.

Merry's picture

I would not go either. There are many stories of families hit hard due to big gatherings in close spaces without masks.

I think if you politely decline the shower due to high-risk health issues and send a nice gift they'll be understanding (unless they're COVID deniers or buy into conspiracy theories). Would they consider doing a video chat for part of the shower so you can participate in at least some of it?

Thumper's picture

Sorry that you feel stressed about this.

Hey, have you thought about asking one of the attendees to set UP a face time thingy for anyone who can not attend?

Especially those who are elderly or in frail health?

We did that for my brothers many people could not attend because of covid I know it is a Bridal Shower but I bet you and your mom would love to watch it live.

Anyone with a sliver of common sense knows the elderly or compromised health should do their best to stay put. I am a little surprised the Bride has not brought her 'understanding' to the table yet?

Maybe she is just waiting for a covid to dissipate like all of us are???

I would just tell her based on everything, right now, you and your mom will not be physically going BUT you will do everything in your power to help. Then ask about the facetime thinging.




Dawn-Moderator's picture

Yes, this is hopefully an option.  Dh is going to bring it up to them.

Then I could still wear my awesome outfit that I still have yet to try and get!! LOL

Cover1W's picture

Oh lord, do not go. I sat in on another info session about COVID status from a COVID investigator (i.e. scientist) yesterday and please stay home - he very strongly stated that we should NOT be gathering in groups at all as the spead is growing and it's the only way to stop it or slow it.

Do a virtual meet up - they can be fun too; it's not the same but if gifts are sent to the bride, she can always have a virtual party.  I think it's necessary. 

It's also wise to discuss cancellation policy for the wedding sites due to COVID issue if needed. parents are going to a weeding in early Aug, from Phoenix to Las Vegas. They are driving. They told me after I once again told them the should not go...but it's our frieeeeeend, and but there's only eiiiiiighhhhht people theeeeeeere, etc. 1 -  it's your friend and you want to keep them, right? 2 - you don't socialize with ANY of the people there do you so you don't know who/if they've been exposed 3 - small wedding but drive, hotel, dinner, breakfast lunches, you will be interacting with a lot of people!

I am afraid that my parents will get it and will die from it as they act like it's 'just the flu' and disregard all medical information. Both have double risk-factors. They only thing we can do is inform and let them make their decisions while making ours at the same time.

lieutenant_dad's picture

If you all want to, could you do a drive-by parade to wish the bride well and drop off gifts outside? You could decorate the vehicles, play some sort of fun music, etc. It shows the bride you call care and also gives a big middle finger to BM (and I'm in a grumpy mood so that would be an awesome side effect).

Harry's picture

Will hold the party. So it's has to be backyard thing.  I would not go unless it only ten to twenty people   BM most likely will be there ?

Dawn-Moderator's picture

I called the venue to ask what kind of protocols they have in place.  They basically told me that they clean the place and put up posters of what you are supposed to do, but it is up to the people having the event to enforce anything.  They did say that they had a couple tables outside.

Maybe that is why they chose this place.  Basically no restrictions!

BethAnne's picture

It does stink. But you can't enjoy seeing the happy couple thrive in life if you're dead. It is ok to turn invitations down right now. Even big life events. Just let them know where you stand and that you would have liked to attend if it weren't for covid. Call them, video chat, send your gift and know that you are protecting yourself and those you live with. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Its too much of a risk and as others have said you can't celerate the rest of their lives if you end up dying from C19.  A wedding is only one day.

Is there any chance that the young couple are overwhelmed by really wanting to go ahead but knowing its the wrong thing to do and just need some help to work through their decision?

Dawn-Moderator's picture

I am encouraging Dh to call Ss and see if we can figure out what they are thinking.

Dh is dragging his feet and thinks I should do it but I think having Dh bring it up will go over better than if I do it.

Wish me luck that this all works out without any hurt feelings!!