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Aly Fran's picture

Here I am once again blogging, but this time all in good spirits. I've managed to leave my toxic, abusive, narcissistic and tormenting relationship with the help of some close family and friends.

I'm now in a rented apartment with my kids who are all doing much better than where we were before. I must say Thank God.

Looking back at where I was is still a bit sad for me but I'm grateful to be in a better place, mentally, emotionally and physically. I'll always appreciate this site and all of you in here. Because of you guys continued support and advice I was able to make a stand for myself.

I now view my ex husband as a total monster. He played the victim card for quite some time after I left, even claiming that he's now suffering from kidney failure, he, however haven't taken the break up too well since this time he's pretty sure I'm not coming back. He tried countless strategies towards my return but haven't succeeded. I made up my mind to battle it on my own regardless of any situations...

My ex husband recently began paying child support for his daughter and eventually moved on with a woman from our previous relationship. Showing me that he has indeed moved on. I wished him nothing but the best.

However, while doing some grocery shopping last weekend, his new lady ran into me, asking me how I did it for so long..

And so she began explaining to me that my ex husband and her is dating and she has been catching up to him telling her lies especially concerning his daughter. One day he told her he's going to work, when he was in a water amusement park with DD. She only found out he was not in work and in fact in the amusement park when he got home later that evening and she purposely went into his phone... DD has been extremely rude to her already and my ex hides to talk to his DD. And he's also been lieing to DD about his current woman. When she confronts him about the lies concerning DD he flips out on her and abuses her verbally. She's claiming he's living a secretive life with DD.

Learning that the problem is still continuing even after I remove myself from the picture left me speechless. I will always question why does a man has to hide and live a secretive life with his teenage daughter. Because he's definitely not lieing about anything concerning our daughter, why is it specifically the eldest daughter? I wish I knew exactly what's behind this incase I need to protect my daughter from him in the near future.


CLove's picture

Thats very sad that he suckered in a new victim, but sooooooo glad you got out and are doing well!

Take some time for you. Good that you are no contact. 

Thanks for update!!!

la_dulce_vida's picture

Congratulations on your escape!! I escaped in 2018 and the healing was some of the hardest work I've done in my life.

If he's a narcissist - actual NPD is rarer than you think - he will never change. NPD is notoriously difficult to treat.

He will keep doing what he does and one hallmark is triangulation: in this case pitting one woman against another to create drama. Him hiding his communications with his DD is one example. He's purposely telling lies and not hiding it so well for the purpose of creating drama and conflict. That way he can tell his new victim SHE is crazy and jealous. Narcs love that garbage. They thrive on it.

Trust and believe one thing: If he's a true narcissist, he will not leave you alone. He will be monitoring you in some form. He will find a paper clip you left behind and reach out to try to get it back to you. Narcs hoover and they will circle back around. Talk to StepUltimate - look for her posts. Her ex husband STILL won't leave her alone and they've been divorced for a good while now.

((hugs)) to you. I'm always happy to hear of another escapee from a toxic relationship.

Aly Fran's picture

I wouldn't lie healing was terrible after I left but I was more so excited and happy to see my kids happy amd comfortable again which give me the strength to carry on. 

All I wanted was answers amd some part of me still do.

But I've accepted everything for what it is and I'm happy to be out not having to go through hell again.

However, it's no secret that he's been trying his best to get to me. As a matter of fact the new gf is another 1 of his strategy to get back at me.

But the fact that he's still playing and daddy - daughter secret game is disturbing to me.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

From your previous blogs, your ex's relationship with his daughter is unhealthy and toxic. And it sounds like that's because he is unhealthy and toxic. Congrats on your freedom from that dumpster fire! 

la_dulce_vida's picture

That desire for answers or closure is utterly fruitless. You will NEVER get answers from someone like that. All you will do is end up feeding his need for fuel.

It hurt to admit to myself that I loved my XH2 but he never loved me. And all the goodness and I love I saw or felt was merely a reflection of my goodness and love. He was utterly empty and duped me by reflecting my love back to me. My XH2 is a monster. He is a destroyer of women. And I have had to resist and ignore so many attempts from him to be relevant in my life or get my attention.

He's been quiet for a few years, but I wouldn't be surprised if he popped up again. I saw him recently at my eldest son's new job. XH2 is now a home improvement contractor and my son is a supervisor at a hardware store. I can just see him trying to chat up my older son to see if he can irritate me or just to stay relevant. He did that to my Autistic younger son right after he divorced me.

Work hard to no longer desire answers. All you'd get are lies and manipulations. You'll only get hurt.

If the GF approaches you again, be very careful. It could be a trap. I would avoid discussing him with her. She has already seen the signs. She has to go through her own journey realizing what he is and her own worth.

HowBoutScottyDont's picture

I had this with my ex and his daughter, who is now grown. From what I've heard, he's still doing this. He goes out with her and her friends, drinks, parties, and who knows what else. She's his narc supply, and so the relationship has always been oddly, inappropriately close. When she was a young teen, they would sneak off together and my calling him out on lying to me was met with "don't be jealous". Of course I wasn't jealous, I was upset that my spouse lied to me and didn't give me a heads up before leaving. When she was an older teen and they started partying together and going off all day on a Saturday, I would be upset that he was shirking his duties as a father to his younger children and not coordinating schedules with me. Things like that would again be met with "you knew I had kids", but of course this wasn't about him already having kids, this was about him not being a responsible, reasonable partner.

What I see now,  and I think you do to, is that the narc personality truly believes that they have the right to do what they want, and they cannot handle any form of criticism. All blame will get placed on the critiquer. Pushing back on them results in escalation.

From the bottom of my heart, I think the only way to deal with a narc partner is to either leave them, or detach and develop your own bubble for as long as you need to. 

JRI's picture

It was hard but I had to let my bio kids experience their dad's instability and come to their own conclusions.  As I'm sure you know, it's difficult it to hold our tongues.  I never criticized my ex, tried to give the facts and no opinions.  The hardest might have been the day DS waited all day for ex to show up for a long-promised fishing trip and he never came.

If you can straddle that line with your DD, it will be best.  That way, she isn't blaming you for a poor relationship with her dad.  Like my bios, she will understand his own failings prohibited a normal relationship.

Lillywy00's picture

This is just assumption but I have noticed some men (probably unbalanced women too) using their oldest daughters (or if women their oldest sons) as mini spouses particularly when they're teenagers. 

Some of these teens look a lot older than what they really are and if they look halfway decent a "narcissistic" type person would probably rather be out in public seen with/photographed with their younger attractive daughter (who people might even think is their actual spouse if they don't know them)  

Narcissistic people hate aging and will leech of other people's youth including their own kids  

They also are notorious for trampling on other peoples boundaries. They probably don't think it's creepy to be so overly involved with their teenagers lives  

Also someone mentioned the triangulation drama that narcissistic type people love to fulfill their supply. 

****Idk if he is narcissistic and I don't know the situation beside what you posted here. Just a theory. 

CLove's picture

its a sick and twisted traingulation mess.

Ive read about it with father-daughter. I am experiencing it second hand with Toxic Troll and her 2 daughters. There is CONSTANT triangulation-ing to the point where its almost funny. TT gets into an argument with Feral Forger SD24, and they both try to involve powersulk SD17. 

Rags's picture

Shit is what it is.  He is shit.  
Keep living well and enjoying living your revenge.

Take care of you and your children.

Let him rot in the cesspool of a life he has created for himself.

Hopefully this new victim leaves him to rot just  as you have.

Enjoy that you are free of him.