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What are your intake on this????

Aly Fran's picture

DH had a son when he were very young his son's mom and DH had a one night stand and she became pregnant.

She told her bf at the time who decided to accept her and the baby and soon after giving birth she moved out of her parents home and started a family with her bf and the new baby DH had no contact for her..

DH moved on and created a new family got married and had DD. After several years, DS made contact with DH whilst he were still living with DD and BM.. 

BM felt threaten by the son and made every effort to block DS out of DH life.. 

But DD voluntarily wanted to have a relationship with her half brother although DS wasn't welcomed at BM home DD and DS communicated through phone..

But eventually DD started telling her dad that Her brother were rejecting her calls, ignoring her messages, being disrespectful towards her etc and literally made a huge conflict between DH and his son cause her dad to stop communicating with DS after hearing how cold hearted he maybe..

Fastforward to when DH and I had our daughter DH son again reached out to us and came to visit his new sister (our dauggter) bu surprise.. his father confronted him about his sister claims in which he denied and gave a complete opposite of what really transpired..

DS took out his phone and showed us how he's calling her 5 times and she declined the calls all 5 times..

Her dad decided to call her immediately she lied and told her dad she didn't get any calls. Her father told her we're sitting right here with her brother and saw everything.. she got quiet for a minute and then told dad:

I don't like him

I don't want bo dealing with him

I hate him

I never grew up with him

I don't consider him ny brother or nobody 

I don't want him around

I don't want him to call me.

I hate him...

So what I can't understand is why lie all these times to dad about things DS was innocent about..

When in fact DD had her own major issues


justmakingthebest's picture

How old was SS when all of this happened? How old is he now?

How old was DD? How old is she now? Who is the mother of DD?

Aly Fran's picture

SS was 11 when he reached out to his dad, he's now 16..

SD was 9 when she learned about her estranged half brother, she's now 14.. 

SD has a different mom from SS..

justmakingthebest's picture

So if I am tracking, we have 3 kids in this situation and 3 BM's. 

BM1 is bitter over SS having any relationships with DH's side of the family.

Kid1 (SS) - reached out to oldest sister(SD) when he was a preteen but that didn't end well. SS was cold and probably unsure how to navigate a relationship with a sister that got the dad he never had. 

SD- Hates SS because she is hurt and also a teenager (let's be real, they aren't the most forgiving or empathetic group)

DD- is young and doesn't understand

Ok, here are my thoughts, if I have this right!

Your husband needs to fix his relationship with his kid. It is his job to step up and be a strong figure in his life and he took the cowards way out. Sure he was young when he had SS but you know what, DH was 18 and SS21 was a one night stand too. He has had sole custody for SS's whole life. He has always been a good dad. It is hard work and sacrifice- your husband has done neither for this kid. 

Once that relationship is working, then start introducing and letting the other kids to SS so that everyone feels secure. 

tog redux's picture

Seems like BM2's distaste for the existence of SS was pushed onto SD as well.  

Not clear though, why DH doesn't just have a relationship with his son regardless of whether or not he and SD like each other and get along? The kid clearly wants to know him - he's reached out twice now.  DH needs to do the right thing and develop a relationship with this kid.  SD is under no obligation to have a relationship with SS, though, that should be her choice.

Aly Fran's picture

No one forced SD to have a relationship with SS it was entirely her choice..

She asked her dad to get to know her brother and so the father allowed her to speak to her brother..

Only for her to make conflict between her dad and her brother in a split of a second because she knew her dad will go with whatever she says.. it's like she has her dad wrapped around her little finger and pulls him from a fine thread