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Aly Fran's picture

Just yesterday I blogged about bumping into my EX new supply (his gf), who mentioned to me that she's now having serious issues with my EX lieing to her etc, concerning his mini- wife (daughter).

And then a few hours later my phone rang, strange number, but I decided to answer.

To my surprise it happened to be my EX requesting visitation with our daughter. My greatest fear. I honestly fear for my daughter I don't know if it's because I've witnessed the relationship he had with his elder daughter (mini-wife)

But I had to give in because it's part of the law that he has rights, especially so because he paying child support for her. So, we agreed that he'll take her every other Saturday, only for the day and no over nights, only of his elder daughter isn't present. In which he agreed.

I saw the things she (mini- wife) is capable of when she doesn't like someone, and I'm afraid that she'll put him against my daughter, making him probably scold her etc. She's the boss of her dad and he works around her like clock work. Whatever she says goes so that wouldn't work out to well for the child I share with him. She (mini- wife) is very toxic and unhealthy especially when it comes to my daughter. However EX doesn't have a problem with my terms he also admitted that his daughter (mini-wife) doesn't acknowledge that her little sister exist and he doesn't talk about our daughter with her (meaning that he himself refuses to acknowledge that he has another daughter when he's dealing with mini-wife) because mini- wife doesn't ask about her little sister.

He goes on to admit that she (mini-wife ) doesn't like me and my daughter. In which I replied good, she doesn't have to like me, I'm not her mother.... 

The hate I have for that little girl is beyond ridiculous. Is this even normal for a woman to hate a child (16yr old) this much? The fact that she played the role as a mistress for the entire time I spent with her dad making my life a living hell... Now she's continuing that role in his bed relationship..

With all that I said, my biggest fear is for my daughter.. I dont know how to cope with this new changes of her having to be expose to him without me being able to protect her from mini-wife and all that follows through.



CastleJJ's picture

Child Support and Visitation are two separate things and paying child support does not equal or grant visitation. If you do not have a visitation/custody CO, then you have default sole custody and don't have to give him anything. Just because he is the biological father and "has rights" doesn't mean he has anything without a CO. 

How old is your daughter? How long has it been since he has seen her? 

Mominit's picture

Is this true in the USA? In Canada there is no default sole custody! Both parents (registered at birth) have equal custody and rights of visitation unless a CO says otherwise. And refusing to allow the other parent meaningful access would go against you in the inevitable custody case!

Winterglow's picture

What happened about the protection order you filed for?

Also just because he is paying child support, doesn't mean he has any rights to visitation. How was the amount of child support defined/decided?

I'd make him jump through all the legal hoops possible for him to get even the slightest visitation. I don't trust this guy at all.

ESMOD's picture

I would absolutely agree here.  I wouldn't offer up visitation without it being legally stipulated.

la_dulce_vida's picture

If he is everything you described, he is a liar and will break your rules if his mini wife demands it. I would not put my child in peril with a possible narcissist and his creepy relationship with his 16 year old daughter.

As I said in my last post, narcs (if he is one) LIVE to triangulate - they pit others against each other for their own amusement.

If there is not court mandated visitation, please don't do it. You can go to court on your own to have official visitation determined where it can be stipulated that your daughter is NOT to be around his other daughter. That way he can have visitation revoked if he is in contempt.

CLove's picture

You do not have to grant that. Paying child support doesnt give visitation rights.

And you asked the question so Ill give the answer - your hate is mis-directed. I have done this as well. Its very very common. SD16 is still considered "child", and shes been "groomed" by your ex. HER FATHER. The hate and the toxic belong to him, she is simply a product of HIS TOXIC. So, try to see her as somewhat innocent. Her brain, while it was developing, was involved in his grooming and programming. HE DID THIS TO HER, she did not do this to herself.

I stand by that answer. If I am wrong, I am wrong. But I suspect that you need to re-evaluate who it is that you hate.

Aly Fran's picture

My daughter is 3 years old, he hasn't seen her in over 3 months. We had an attorney make an agreement concerning the child support that he signed to. But he now wants to have the same attorney make an agreement concerning the visitation. In Trinidad where I live the justice system is very poor. If he carries me to court for visitation the judge will grant him alternative weekends (atleast 2 overnights every other weekend) unless I can prove he's incapable of taking care of her or of she's expose to danger in his care. So my best bet is to give on with the agreement by the lawyer and give in for the day than risk it all and have her sent to his home for alternative weekends by a judge.

HowBoutScottyDont's picture

I think you made the right decision with the every other saturday given that a judge would offer him more. Is there any enforcement if he decides to not being her back on time?

Survivingstephell's picture

I taught my YBD that she was safe with YSD only. I did it by talking only about her, got excited with her about her visiting or hanging out with her.  After her 3 other half sibs estranged themselves with violent actions, there was no way I could not protect her somehow from them.  We did not talk about them and she was a toddler when all our drama went down so it was easy to erase them from our life and memories.  They are person non grata now.  She is 14 and has no relationship with them, only YSD.  Can you trust your ex to keep her safe?  Stop talking about SD.  She doesn't exist in your home.   She will forget about her soon enough.  

Aly Fran's picture

I want ti believe he'll do tye right thing requested by me given the fact that he's aware his eldest daughter has issues as well and wishes not to be around or even acknowledge his younger daughter with me.

But I'll do whatever it takes to protect my child, especially from his elder daughter.

I am not worried about my daughter wanting a relationship with her sister, since my daughter doesn't know her.

My daughter probably interacted with her sister twice in her 3 years of life the rest of times she were too small to remember (less than 1 year old).

I don't have pictures of her, don't talk about her in front of my daughter, etc. She's a complete stranger in the eyes of my daughter and I'll love for it to stay that way.