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It's the end.. I lost SD won

Aly Fran's picture

After the terrible argument on Wednesday night with DH concerning SD and why I didn't tell SD happy birthday and kiss her feet etc. 

Did I mention DH stormed out that night and left.. He didn't contact me and I didn't either I had no idea where he went or where he slept.  Last night DH sister came and told me he sent her for his clothes and I were so mad I helped her pack every piece of clothes that belonged to him and she left with 3 garbage bags of clothes..

I haven't spoken to him since our argument and to be honest before he sent for his clothes I kept telling myself this is the end and I can't put myself back with him..

DH went telling family members terrible lies about me it's like I'm in shock I can't believe I have been living with a man and have a child for a man that could do me those stuff.. DH told people he gave me half of a million dollars and I squandered all and didn't save a cent.. wow!! I felt so hurt I could cry my eyes out because that isn't true DH and I have been struggling and sacrificing to build ourselves again from nothing because we both came from previous marriages with nothing.. 

He were telling people long before our last argument that I don't like his DD and that he can't continue tolerating that and that he is going to break up with me and leave me and that he is going to move on and start over his life because I'm not a good person.

DH left after our argument and not for 1 second he thought about his daughter that we share together nor did he fall or message to ask if she needs anything given the fact that she's only 1 year old and to make things worse he left me with $0.00 . He hasn't called or messaged simce..

All I'm hearing is that he left because I couldn't tell SD happy birthday from people he spoke to after he left.

Everytime he comes back from a visit with SD this is always the aftermath and I'm just soo frustrated dealing with this I can't take anymore of it 

Today I went back memory lane from the first time I met SD and every visit she had with us and the relationship her dad and her has and it's terrifying I'm afraid to say because I'm still in shock yet still I want my mind to tell me I'm wrong I want my mind to tell me I'm over thinking and over reacting  but my gut tells me their relationship is more that just father and daughter my gut tells me SD is sexually attracted to dad and that they share deep secrets   Something tells me SD was grown to full the space his ex wife couldn't full .

Thinking about this makes me sick to my stomach.. How can I love  someone like this and have a child for a man that can be a pedophile, pervert, creep and nasty human.. Something is not right I'm in shock I'm afraid I'm ashamed and I'm disappointed in myself.. 

I felt like I'm relieved to an extent it felt like DH was ny 4th child and by him leaving I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders but at the same time there's no denying that I'm in terrible pain...

I bet SD is very much satisfied and contented.. 


The_Upgrade's picture

And keep on blogging. Every time he flips and tries to reel you back in or twist it to make it your fault, go back over your blogs, your memories. He's no prize.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

The blogs helped me when I first left my ex.  They suddenly realize what they lost and there's a bit of amnesia becuase starting over sucks.

Winterglow's picture

Oh you definitely didn't lose ... Trust me on that one. what do you think your SD actually won? Think it through and you'll realize you're the winner. Now, start looking to the future and planning your life with your daughter. 

If he tries to come back, do not in any way allow it. Remind yourself about all the (gratuitous) lies he told about you, about his relationship with his daughter, about how he left you and your baby without a cent to live on... He's an abusive creep and you are well rid of him.

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree with the others, you didn't lose anything but some time. That's is ok though, we live and we learn. I have certainly learned some lessons the hard way!

Right now just focus on getting with a lawyer, establishing custody and child support. Set up a visitation plan that you are comfortable with. Get yourself and your daughter counseling and make SURE to explain to the counselor for your daughter that you have fears and you want to learn how to recognize signs and that you child is being taught about her body and what is allowed by a parent. She needs to know how to communicate with you if any of your fears are true so you can make sure she is not groomed. 

AgedOut's picture

change your locks, put your ducks in a row and take a deep breath... you got this. you are stronger than you ever knew and you can do this for yourself and your little one. 

WwCorgi7's picture

First of all, you won by getting out of this mess now and not wasting another minute being with this awful person. What he did was cruel and disgusting. What in their relationship turned you to believe it was more? I am going back and reading the blogs and the only thing was the odd phone call? Do you truly believe there is something more going on? If so, you have to do everything to protect your daughter. Since he's so enthralled by SD and worships her maybe he won't be involved with your DD and you can live happily without him.

simifan's picture

:::Internet hugs:::

I know you are hurt & this just sucks, but you need to think of your child. You need a lawyer, now. You should be filing for child support. Start building a case for custody. Write down every scrap of information you can think of about your DH & SD that was innapropriate. SD will be an adult soon & You do not want him grooming your child.

LittleCloud9's picture

Hugs! I'm sorry, in intensely emotional events it can feel like you don't know which way is up. You have a lot to deal with and you're going to need support. Is your family nearby or some friends? I hope someone can come spend some time with you. I know it's awful but contacting a lawyer asap is important to protect your baby's future. Look for counseling when you are able, it will help you heal and find your balance. Don't expect too much of yourself and know that better days will come. You will also find support here so keep us updated 

Stepdrama2020's picture

You do realize that this "loss" of your shitty DH is actually your gain.

As hard as any break up is, cause they are, one day you will look back and say thank gawd I am no longer part of this toxic dysfunctional family.

Your DD and you can be happy and stress free. What a flucking coward your DH is. He sends in his sister to get his stuff. Class A LOSER.

Celebrate HUN do the happy dance lady.

Blessings to a shitty DHless and spoiled SDless future.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

You know.  It sucks now.  But congrats. <3  You're on a pathway with a lot of possiblities now.  If he could walk away that easy, then he's not the one for you. You deserve to be valued and treated as such.

Good luck on whatever amazing pathway you get to CHOOSE moving forward!!! <3

Rumplestiltskin's picture

If you truly believe there is something incestuous between your DH and SD, do everything you can to keep him away from your daughter. If it was done to SD, it will be done to her.