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FIL claims SD wants to see DH

Jcksjj's picture

So FIL messaged DH last night telling him that SD is very sad little girl and would like to meet him and our one dog (only the dog he had before meeting me of course) at a park. And then he added, "or are you done with being her dad now?"

So the first strange thing about this is that SD is currently on vacation in a different state at her maternal grandma's house (I'm guessing FIL doesn't know that). Also, why is this info coming from FIL? Is it just another attempt to get to DH since he's cut them all of and all of their attempts to surprise him and work and home have failed? 

It's so infuriating that for the last year and a half it's been nothing but them trashing DH and how he (we) are too awful for SD to even be at our home for a couple hours, and now the narrative is switched to "oh you're just done being her dad?" and she's so sad that she hasn't seen him, which was by HER choice and influenced by the inlaws and BM. They spent how much time trashing us to her. And also, strangely it's as though her younger siblings still don't exist. No mention of them at all. It's just supposed to be SD, DH, and the older dog, exactly like it was 7 years ago when the inlaws were happier with the circumstances of DHs life. Nvm how DH feels about HIS OWN LIFE circumstances, the inlaws aren't happy that he grew up and got married and had more kids, so things must go back to how they were when MIL got to run the show.


Ispofacto's picture

He's sooo dangerous, public is the only safe place to meet him.  The poor wittle wamb.




Jcksjj's picture

Lol yes, he's too dangerous with his clean record, zero history of any violence with anyone and 3 happy, healthy boys who have to live with him fulltime. 

I'm confused though, because some of SDs complaints about the our house were that there was a bug in the basement bathroom one time and there aren't enough art supplies. I would think a park would have too many bugs and a lack of art supplies available?

Survivingstephell's picture

This is called Hoovering.  Trying to suck him back in.  It's a ploy to test the boundaries, see how strong they are.  A change in message is the big red flag to this change in strategy.  Did not bite unless you want to get bitten back even harder.  Ignore it.  Don't reengage.  This is what they wanted so let them have it.  

hereiam's picture

They cannot stand not having the last word and are just trying to pull your DH back into some drama.

The  "or are you done with being her dad now?" was bait, hoping it would piss your DH off or make him feel bad so that he will re-engage.

My in-laws suck, also. Not DH's parents, they are deceased, but his sisters and brother we keep at a distance. They are so toxic.

I don't understand people who want drama and chaos at all times. 

Jcksjj's picture

I dont understand it either, other than that I think its a distraction from their own pathetic lives. 

But man, they do not stop or give up. Passive aggressive posts, alternating between "I love you" and "you're a pos" text messages, having extended family comment on my Facebook, messaging one of DHs best friends trying to get them involved, showing up unexpectedly at our house and DHs work trying to catch him off guard. Eventually they'll have to run out of avenues to try, right?

Stepdrama2020's picture

Like others said they just want to pull DH back into their toxic web.


Do not engage in their pissing battle. This is for DH to work out with SD its none of their business.


strugglingSM's picture

That's a classic no-win situation. We would always get - "skids hate being around you! You make them miserable! Leave them alone!"...coupled with "why don't you want to spend more time with them? You don't even want to see them!" and on and on. For family members who are not the BM, it also provides a perfect excuse for them to involve themselves. MIL is a meddler and she justifies it by saying, "SSs need to know they are loved!" as if DH doesn't show them he loves them. She also insists on making plans with them, including out-of-state trips, because she thinks DH doesn't spend enough money on them and doesn't do enough with them (we're not going to spend money we don't have entertaining them!). Last year, she took Skids on a two-week long trip, planned without input from DH, over one of his weekend's with Skids and over his birthday (typically a day he has with Skids). Then when she returned, she said to DH, "SS says he hasn't seen you in almost two months. you need to plan something special to do with him!" (for that one I insisted that DH remind her that the reason DH hadn't seen SS was because first BM planned her vacation with skids over his weekend and then MIL did...neither one said anything to DH or asked him if it was ok). Then she said to DH, "I'm not getting you a birthday present this year because I spent so much money taking your kids on a trip." A trip DH didn't ask her to take them on....

It sounds like your DH is the "scapegoat" of his dysfunctional family. I hope he ignores FIL. 

Jcksjj's picture

100% it's a no win situation. If he doesnt see SD we're terrible people. If he does it's nonstop harassment and putting the rest of the family at risk. I noticed even before all this that MIL loves setting up no win situations for people. It's a talent of sorts I suppose lol because I don't think I'd be able to come up with the crap she does.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

The fact that SD is not even in the state proves this is not a sincere request. FIL is simply trying to lure DH back in for more abuse and drama. I agree with the others, this does not merit a response of any kind.

Thumper's picture

Sorry--- Sad

FIL is still sucked into bashing dh. That is why FIL said that.

FIL could have said 1 million other things such as "HEY son, I wanted you to know that Sally said blah blah blah"..just a heads UP, hope you and JCK are well"





Jcksjj's picture

Yes this is definitely true. And you'd think at some point they might ask how their grandsons are doing as well that they haven't seen in a year.

AgedOut's picture

without your husband involved or participating in their little hate fest, it loses air like a popped balloon. they need him to actively be their target or it's just them bitching at each other. My advice, and it's strong advice, is to ignore. ignore ignore ignore. they need him to text back so they can twist and mangle everything. Trust me, they do not want peace. They want a war. 

Jcksjj's picture

Yeah, it's hard not to message something snarky or dismissive or even just "don't bother, we know what you're doing" back, but it's just inviting more. 


AgedOut's picture

imagine the frustration when they don't get a reply. it's delicious isn't it? (their nasty mean pointy faces all angry and red)

Jcksjj's picture

Lol true. I can picture BMs the best since I've seen her rage trying to be controlled in person.

thinkthrice's picture

Check out number 16!

Chef's family tried to convince him to kiss the Girhippo and 3 feral's backsides.  Didn't work.   They rarely come around... only if they want something and since Chef has said "no, I'm too busy to do things for you for free" those visits have become maybe once a year at best. 

Rags's picture

horse shit.

DH needs to respond....

 "My daughter can visit with me and her family any time she wishes.  If you, the rest of the family, and her toxic mother will get out of her way I am confident she will do it and enjoy it.  Dad, don't forget that you are my dad.  I need you to be my dad but apparently you are just done being my dad now."

Jcksjj's picture

It's hilarious that none of them see the hypocrisy of how they're treating their own son while they trash him.