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Need some perspective

Cbarton12's picture

I like to get an outsider's perspective to be sure I'm not being overly judgy. 

Let me preface this, I am an only child and my bioparents were married until I was an adult. So, I dont know anything about having a sibling etc.

Anyway, SD lives with DH and me primarily. There are no other children in the HH. At BM's she has a half sister and a stepbrother (but stepbrother living with his BM). Anyway SD is about to be 7 and is still sharing a bed with her 3 year old sister. They also take baths together. Is this normal? 

And stepbrother is coming to live with them a few months and will get his old bed back (the one SD and half sis share). And SD and half sis will be sleeping on an air mattress...

BM makes a lot of money, so this isn't an income issue. 

Also-- apparently half sis was scared the other night so SD and half sis shared bed with BM and SD's stepdad. Now that made me even more uncomfortable. 


ESMOD's picture

3 and 7 sharing a bath.. not really an issue with same sex and young kids.  I don't think it should go on beyond the older girl being age 10 though.

Sharing a bed?  I don't think it's all that damaging at those ages.. but I think that establishing good sleep hygiene is important.  Both of the girls should be learning to sleep independently so that they are better rested and don't get overly dependent on the situation.

kids sharing a bed with mom and SD?  I don't really think this is a huge issue but I can see SD not being happy about

The issue I might be a bit concerned about is the sleeping arrangements with the SS and his age etc...

Cbarton12's picture

Stepbrother is 8. 

And last year there was already an incident where the 3 kids were getting naked and touching each other. 

ESMOD's picture

That type of thing among a 7, 6 and 2 year old are not abnormal.  The kids need to learn to behave appropriately.. and certainly adults need to be supervising.  if there is a worry that this is happening and may be a real problem.. the kids should be in separate rooms for sleeping.

But, this isn't abnormal or perverted in an adult sense necessarily.

fourbrats's picture

and even shower together (when they are all trying to get ready for something) and they are 20, 17 and 15. Often the "kid" bathroom is a mess of towels, showering, and makeup lol. When they have slumber parties they usually share a bed as well. Oldest DD is out on her own now but she even has a spare bedroom for her sisters. 

So no, not really an issue for me. They chose to share a bed often as kids despite having separate beds. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

The skids shared a bath until SD10 turned 10. She slowly wanted her own bath and showers before then, but we decided at 10 she really needed to do it seperately. Both the same gender of course.

I think every kid really should have their own bed, but I think that may be more of a personal view more than anything.

justmakingthebest's picture

The bath and bed sharing of the girls is pretty "normal" depending on the household. There will be a time, probably sooner than later when SD7 is going to want to switch to showers and the bathing together will stop. The co-sleeping with BM and SD I would have a bigger problem with. I don't think that step parents should ever co sleep with children that aren't theirs. I would probably raise a stink over this personally. As for the step brother moving in, again not a big deal, similar ages... 

The kids need an actual bed though, not some air mattress. Maybe your DH can send BM some links for bunk beds on your local craigslist or facebook market place. Send her the hint in a not too subtle way that he is not ok with the arrangements. If she doesn't get them proper beds, maybe it is time to see a judge about it. I don't know... I just know that I would not be ok with what is going on right now.