Well, I guess that's up to you whether or not you do too much.

I most certainly would not take over primary parenting for a man who has full custody, and get his daughter ready for school every day while he gets to sleep in.  I'm actually kind of disgusted by men who think it's just fine and reasonable to ask you to parent THEIR kid, just because you happen to be female.  I'm not sure why BM doesn't have more custody, but if she's not a total train wreck, she should be the one mothering her daughter, not you.

The things you say you enjoy should, IMO, be the only things you do. But your DH won't like giving up this sweet deal he's got right now.

It kind of depends on if you want to do it or not. Does it make you feel resentful? If you dont now, will you feel resentful if the kid grows up and tells you to F yourself will you feel resentful?

You arent doing anything that is inappropriate for a stepparent but at the same time you definitely arent obligated to do any of it either. So it kind of is up to you and how you feel about it.

Dang! You have "primed the pump" for that because you have done so much, anytime you want to do less, there is outcry from the masses. Well I call bs on that! Tell your DH he needs to parent his kiddo. Do only what you feel like you want to and dont be a doormat. I have stoped doinga  lot, and guess what - when I do extra its appreciated and not expected. DH cooks and cleans while SD munchkin 12 is with us. He asks her to do things like laundry and keeping her room clean. its no longer on my list! What a relief.

Welcome to steptalk!

If you're asking if you're doing too much, then you probably are.  As long as you don't mind doing what you're doing and you're not allowing your husband to avoid parenting, I personally think it's fine.  But if you're doing more than you want to, then you're definitely doing too much.

On DH's days, I get the SDs up and dressed, give them breakfast, make SD6's lunch and get her on the bus, and then I'm with SD4 until he gets home.  BUT . . . he's already at work.  If he was sleeping in while I got his kids ready, I would be very resentful and that situation would not last long.  I don't work on his days; I work part-time and he's the primary breadwinner, so I don't mind helping while he's at work.  When DH is home, I feel free to direct the kids to him.  If they come to me for something and he's sitting around playing a video game, I send them straight to him.  He is also in charge of baths and putting them to bed, because after being with SD4 all day, I'd rather do my own thing in the evening and let him do that.  I rarely take the kids to a doctor/dentist appointment; BM generally takes care of that on her time.  Also, we only have 50/50 and BM does her share, so it's much easier than having primary custody.  I might burn out if I had to do most everything for the stepkids every single day and frankly, it sounds like that's what you do.  In your situation, I'd probably pull back a little and let your husband start pulling his weight with HIS kids.

My DH had full custody of my SD3 and SD8 when we married. The counselor told me to either disengage or go all in like you would for your own child (which I had one of my own) and parent them like you would your own. The only downfall would be that you'd risk being heartbroken... either by your DH, or SD's. Well, I went all in because that's the kind of parent I am. DH was a similar parent like yours, wanted to always make them happy and I was the primary parent and only disciplinarian. I had rules and expectations, consequences for actions, would take away cell phones, games etc...I took them to school, sports, church. We both work FT but I just did for them what I did for my own child. And fast forward to teenage years and beyond. My rules became annoying and not one, but both, moved in with their mother ironically at the same age of 16. The first , then the second 5 years later. The same mother that didn't take them to the dentist, or doctor, or anything for that matter. The mother that didn't want custody. She was bipolar and has been married 3 times since, moved 7 times. 

I expected it somewhat from the oldest, she remembered being with her mom and always longed for her. But the youngest was completely parented my me and literally broke my heart. I'm not sure how I can ever heal from it honestly. In fact, she hadn't even stayed overnight with her mom since she was 7, yet she decided that life would be better. And once gone, doesn't call at all. Not even her sibling that she was raised with (mine and DH's child). It's been a tough few years.

So my point in all of this is to let your husband do more. Do what you like to do, like the hair etc. but don't ever expect anything in return. No thanks from DH, SD, and if you are ok with that then that's where you find your balance. Make your husband step up more. I wish I had back then. Good luck to you, you sound like a very nice person. Don't lose sight of who you are...

That you are not responsible for SD well being. BM May be crappie but she still the BM.  Your SO did not ask you if he should of have a child. He made that choice. Now it’s his responsibility to raise that child.  Everyone wants the HAPPY FAMILY. It did not work out with BM.  Now he wants you to be part of his happy family. 

Do not  let your DH push his responsibility onto you. You don’t have to give him his happy family with someone’s else’s child.  Disengagement means if you want to do something by yourself, with your family or friends you can do it with out SD. If you want to get a weekend away with your DH only, couples weekend. Do it. If you want to go go away on a vacation couples only do it. I am sure BM and your DH had couples weekend away !!!

Beside keeping SD safe.  You can do what you want. DH has to take care of SD not you 

Your husband hit the jackpot.

BM is not the only selfish one, here, your husband is not so great, either.

Their daughter is not your responsibility.

So while you are doing MOST of the parenting if not ALL what the heck is your H doing? He seems to just be sitting back getting all the glory while you are mothering his child. In my opinion you are "enabling" your H.

"DH doesn't bother to get up until she's basically ready to go."

Tell him to get up and take care of his child. Why are you doing it all? Its great if you help if this is what you want to do however he needs to step up and own his role as a father.

"DH expects me to always be involved when they want to play a board game or watch a movie. "

He's a grown man who can play a board game or watch a movie without you. If this is a problem and you don't stick to your guns it will persist. You need to address this.

"It feels like a crime, when I want my own space and my own time to watch a TV show or read a book."

The only crime here is that your H is not being a father to his daughter and the fact that he's ok with you doing everything is disturbing. He's being manipulative by making you feel that you are not entitled to your own time and space. If you don't communicate your thoughts and concerns and set expectations for him to parent his child you will continue on this path. He has an obligation to his daughter you don't......either have a talk with him, leave him no options but for him to do it himself OR you just suck it up and continue to do it. In the long run it will only get worse.

Short answer...'yes...you are doing too much'

Long answer... it sure sounds like your dh is taking advantage and being a lazy parent...or perhaps sexist and thinks child raising is women work...BUT are there extenuating circumstances?  Does he work a shift job that would make the timing of childcare more difficult? Do you work full time or does he provide most support in the home? Perhaps he sees the balance of contributions in the home is that he puts in more financial resources and you do more in kind/child care and homemaking? This is not necessarily a right or wrong issue..but both parties need to be in full agreement on what their agreement is.  Generally it sounds like he should be more involved and you should be able to have time to yourself as well. It might just be that his vision of happy family is hurt when you pull away for your own time.  Bottom line is that you both need to communicate to each other.  He needs to know that you need time to recharge etc.. it's not a rejection of his daughter for you to want that.

I personally think you do too much. I was doing all the things you mentioned you do for your step daughter except getting ready for weekend activities for my boyfriend's 6 and 3.5 year old. He intentionally scheduled his custody time around my off schedule and I had to stop watching them. I was turning into an absolute psychopath lol. I was the one waking up, doing the morning school schedule etc. Watching the 3.5 year old the whole day and making dinner, cleaning up. It was a nightmare. I was filled with rage at my boyfriend and partially took it out of his kids. It doesn't matter if you sit and twiddle your thumbs all day as far as I'm concerned. You can do whatever you want. The provider dad and mom raises kids dynamic really only works when you are the child's mother. Imagine it from a small child's perspective. You spend little time with your (alive) mother and also not much one on one time with your father. You get to be raised by a step parent!!! Most children do not take well to that. Perhaps when they are young they do, but I think that's only because they are do dependent on adults to survive. As they get older and more self aware and independent I think they are very resentful.

It's all up to you. 

For me, that would be too much, and we have SD full-time because her BM only sees her for a couple months in the summer and doesn't care to be involved. I try to treat the kids (SD7 and our son 18-months) the same, but honestly, I am WAY more involved in my son's upbringing because I have a vested interest in how he turns out. I don't want to sound harsh, but SD is likely to turn out pretty crappy because she's never been taught time management, personal responsibility, etc. AND she has her BM's awful DNA. Plus, she'll probably always idolize BM and want to move in with her when she's older anyway. 

While I'm nice to my stepdaughter and treat her the same as my son in terms of money spent on them, rules, etc. I don't really put much effort into raising her. She is late for school literally EVERY DAY because my husband is the one who gets up and gets her ready and he thinks it's harsh to force her to finish breakfast within a specific time frame and such. She is at least 20 minutes late every day. 

I would NEVER allow that with my son. EVER. Punctuality and giving a crap about other people's time is important. I'll be way more involved with my son's upbringing for the sole purpose of making sure my husband's laziness doesn't impact him, lol. But really, you need to take a step back. Just don't do it. Let him know "I'm gonna sleep in tomorrow, so please get up and get your daughter where she needs to be" and just keep doing it. 

If he doesn't get up and instead blames you because she's not ready/where she needs to be, say "I'm sorry, but she's your child. I figured if you needed a hand, you would've asked, not assumed." or something to that effect. It's not your problem if she's not ready, in clean clothes, does her homework, etc. It's really not. She's not going to look back and thank you one day for taking care of her. She's going to be resentful that someone unrelated to her took better care of her than either parent. 

She won't take it out on her parents. They're part of her. She'll take it out on you. 

Do a little more each day and each day a little more will be expected

No good deed will go unpunished.