You are here

Manipulative BM

Cbarton12's picture

So SD hardly ever cries for BM. And she spent a good chunk of summer with BM. 

Today she came back after being gone 2 weeks. And she was WAILING for BM, that she wasnt going to see her for a "long time" (10 days). Mind you she will actually see BM twice this week for some other things with school and extracurriculars. 

Now I know kids will often miss their other parent. But this type of reaction only ever happens RIGHT before there is a court hearing schedule. So it's hard not to believe that BM is manipulating and amplifying her feelings. 

Oh and BM gave her a brand new tablet today. Today of all days. 

I also think BM has turned into a Disney Mom. Because all SD could articulate was that she was going to miss BM for all the fun she had. 

I validated SDs feelings as best I could. I never want her to feel guilty for feeling a certain way. 

But DH gets negative right away. Not towards SD but he will whine and complain to me and get bent of shape. And he was grumpy the rest of the evening. How does that benefit anyone?



Harry's picture

SD does not have to like you.  If she WAILING let DH handle her. SD should not be at your hone with out DH to take care of her .  Disengage ,  tell DH you are not the babysitter.  That he has to make care arrangements for her.

Cbarton12's picture

I know she doesn't have to like me. But she does in fact love me. For now.

DH was here.

momjeans's picture

Your suspicions are probably right. There’s more at play here.

BM quickly morphed into a disney mom, once DH filed for divorce. She began engaging in PAS behavior, after hardly ever having skid. She was with DH at least 80% of the time. 

Skid would get extremely emotional back in our care and pre court dates regarding visitation. 

It was a wild ride, so buckle up. Try your best to remain empathetic, because I’m sure there’s some emotional manipulation going on, while remaining hands-off, leaving your DH to navigate it. 

tog redux's picture

Yep, same. When DH filed for divorce, BM literally told SS, then 11, that he could do anything he wanted all the time if he came to live with her.  Then she and he sat down and planned a summer full of activities from all around our area and she did all of them.  By the end of that summer, he was telling his attorney that DH was "vicious" and "mean", and he wanted to live with BM all the time.

It worked, quite well.  And she did let him do whatever he wanted. Now he's an emotionally stunted, failure to launch 19-year-old who had no relationship with his father for over 3 years.

Thisisnotus's picture

Same here. Just disengage, trust me.

BM went full on Disney PASing mom after the divorce.....she would say things like

"I'm so lonely when you are gone"

"I can't sleep when you aren't here"

"I'm going to be sad and miss you so much"

Add all those guilt trip comments added to the fact that BM is a when she's drunk she is just screaming at the kids how daddy left us....daddy this....daddy that.....daddy's new family....blah...blah....blah.

So in my case....SD12 is scared to leave her mom's side for the past 2 years.....because A: SD knows her mom is a fall down drunk and worries about her and B: mom has made her feel guilty about being with her dad......

Cover1W's picture

oh, SD13.5 was crying, sobbing in front of some friends of ours, including her best friend recently because she couldn't go home with mommy after an event.  It was mortifying and I was PISSED. I shut my mouth and made for the car.  Crying alllll the way home, sobbing, and it lasted an hour after we got home.  Ingore.