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Just a thought related to my blog yesterday...

AlexandraL's picture

You know, I was thinking...I have TWO kids that I have FULL physical custody of...why is it that everything is seen and life is lived on my BF's side through the filter of SD? I'm just not comfortable with that and cannot live my life that way.

Is it because she is an only child? I guess other men must act that way even if they have more than one child.

I just don't get it. My kids are my top priority and I adore them but my life isn't lived in relation to them, am I making sense? I don't even know how to explain it. I don't have a preoccupation with my children.

Somewhere deep down I think BF thinks he loves SD more than I love my kids but I want to yell at him every time he says about how she's his only child, his one chance, that all his "eggs are in one basket" that you don't need to be fixated on your child to love them and that just because I am not doesn't mean I love my children any less!

My God, I am so frustrated. I cannot believe external factors have basically destroyed something that is so beautiful and had so much promise. I am completely disillusioned...


Coldandloved's picture

I definately understand you. Sometimes I think what we're going through amplifies coddling. We just did a vasectomy reversal, so far no dice, and we found out recently it failed. I think it's making it harder for him not to coddle his own children right now, because he doesn't fully beleive he'll have more. I don't have the right words to help you resolve this one, it's not an easy thing to fix. ((((Hugs))))

Rainbow.Bright's picture

I totally see your point of view. Not only is it OK not to make your life revolve around any child, it's not healthy to treat a child like the holy of holy, perfect and best child in the world.

You have a realistic point of view and a healthy balance in your life, he does not and doesn't see a problem with it. Just because people only have 1 child, it doesn't give them the right to turn the kid into an a-hole. I can see why you are in such turmoil!

Bradybunchmom's picture

My fiance has 3 kids. And he is wrapped up in all three. His entire life revolves around them. He has criticized me for being too detached from my kids. I try to explain to him that my kids are important to me but they aren't my entire life. He used to coddle them to the point that they were so dependent on him that I could not even leave the room for 5 minutes without getting trailed after. They could not do ANYthing by themselves. SS8 who turns 9 this month can not even make a sandwich. He has backed off a lot since I have been here though, and SS8 has gotten a lot more independent when he realized even my BD5 can do more things that he can.

And he does the whole make them dependent because he is dependent on them being dependent on him thing lol. If that makes sense. He is one of those parents I used to hate as a daycare worker that would say goodbye 30 times and drag out the fit for being left, instead of getting them playing with something and sneaking out. He HAD to feel the kids missing him or else he just felt bad the whole time he was gone.

I am so glad he has worked alot on this, now if someone could just convince him we need a real babysitter instead of unreliable family I would be really happy.