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45 tardies....I know I shouldn’t care so much

Trying to Stepmom's picture

DH and I both know that BM can’t get SD to school on time, but didn’t know just how often this was happening. 

DH lets me look at the messages the school leaves on their online system. I was looking around and saw “attendance.” From January to May (when school is basically over), SD had 45 recorded tardies. 45! 

DH was out doing yard work at the time but I knew I had to tell him. Later on I did and he was shocked! Now, I know some of you will say he should be keeping up on this himself, etc. And maybe I am just stirring the pot but that’s not my intention. It’s been hard for me to not care about things for SD. 

She’s about to start school this week and her or her mother have made no attempt to get back on a schedule. She stays up until 3 or 4am and sleeps until 1 or 2pm. DH is holding an amusement park trip over her head to get her to bed on time. SD seems to care about that, so we’ll see what happens. 

Anyway, DH drafted up a text to BM putting the responsibility on her. Haven’t heard anything back yet, but it’ll be interesting to see her lie her way out of this one. 


Trying to Stepmom's picture

He talks about how SD would be better if she were with us but hasn’t talked about trying to get full custody.  

DH has joint legal custody (BM has physical custody w/an EOWE situation for DH). We’ve tried to get her into the school near us so that she’d have a better transition to high school (since she’s talked about going to school the HS near us). But BM does whatever SD wants to do, so when she changes her mind, BM obliges. 

tog redux's picture

Why hasn't the school done anything? Depending on the kid's age, this could have been a CPS report.

thinkthrice's picture

has a similar tardy record but because the Girhippo is a "pillar of the community" (TM) it is overlooked.

Just got a letter stating YSS has to take a regents in summer school.  Of course he will fail it.

Trying to Stepmom's picture

I think DH and I were so shocked because he hadn’t received any word, not from a teacher or administrator. SD also goes to a private school. I would like to think there wouldn’t be a difference because it’s private and not public, but I’m losing my faith. 

EDIT: SD is 13

EDIT #2:  BM also “works” at the school. I use that term loosely. It’s possible if there was any communication, it was maybe just relayed to BM. Or brushed under the rug since she “works” there. 

Oh! AND they’ve moved 3 times since I’ve been in SD’s life. They used to live a couple blocks away from the school but now live maybe 30 minutes away (not counting rush hour traffic).

tog redux's picture

Oh yeah. As long as they get their tuition, private schools won’t bother with that. As especially not with an employee. Good luck addressing that issue. 

Livingoutloud's picture

In my experience and in my state CPS doesn’t do anything in regards to attendance. If a kid is absent a lot, truancy courts are involved. Truancy judge doesn’t bother with tardies unless tarries are long enough that they are considered absences (for example 30 minutes late) then again truancy courts gets involved. But CPS don’t get involved in it where I am at 

Livingoutloud's picture

CPS doesn’t get involved with tarries here at all. No matter if the kid is 8 or 16.  

Truancy starts early though, depends on a state so it can be as early as 7. So parents could face courts if a kid is truant.

It’s different wth tarries. Neither courts nor CPS bother with those (in my experience). Schools enforce their own consequences.

Going by SDs age (13?) she’d have to constantly serve detentions or have other constant consequences at school. 

Either school does nothing and dad needs to try to get her to a different school if CO allows or needs to stop paying tuition to a lousy school. Or parents are so uninvolved that they don’t even know if school has intervention and punishment system for tardiness. 

Trying to Stepmom's picture

I don’t think the school has any discipline in place for tardies, or at least that I could find in any handbook online. 

Luckily DH doesn’t pay tuition. The CO stated that if SD was going to continue at that school, BM was responsible for tuition. DH just had to pay part of the outstanding balance from before the CO. 

thinkthrice's picture

All 3 of Chef's ferals have been truant since the 4th grade but no one seems concerned because their mom is "such a wooonnnnnderful peeeerrrrrrrrson" (TM)

Livingoutloud's picture

Why wait till August to find out she has attendance problems? He has to check on it during school year not after. Obviously none of it is your job, it’s on mom and dad. Maybe he could start looking into full custody but he’ll have to show that he is on top of things.   

Trying to Stepmom's picture

It’s not my job. I think DH is just a little too trusting. He knew BM was getting SD to school late and said he’d contact the school to find out. I just showed him that he can skip that step and find it online. Granted, the online system doesn’t show just how late SD is getting to school (1, 10, 20 minutes?). But I’m not sure that the school would have accurate data for that either.