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Insurance part 3

Sweet T's picture

So after having to ask multiple times for the details on exes plan and not getting any info here is our interchanges and what I feel is just another veiled threat.

I have carried bs on insurance before and after the divorce. Ex offered to add kids and quit paying his portion of my cost to insure bs because he is adding his wife so the kids are free because they do not have employee plus spouse just family. He expected Me then to pay all bills and copays for him adding bs.

Here are last week's emails and todays.

Me: For the open enrollment mine begins on the 2nd. I would like to make a decision and do my sign up on Monday the 6th to get it done with.  I need to know if you have an out of pocket deductible, a provider list, and information on the ortho coverage. I do not want to not be able to use his pediatrician or his therapist who are covered under my insurance. If you could please provide me with that information I would appreciate it.
 
At work I have an 80/20 plan.  My company will pay 2K/50% towards orthodontic care. I have a deductible which ( even when I was on UHC or BCBS at old job) you have never had to pay any bills leading up to my deductible. The last year my RX has not counted towards the deductible and I have had to pay that but I have not passed on any of BS’s DR’s bills leading up to that fulfillment ( other than the 40.00 for that ER trip).
 
I mention this because I don’t feel it is right for either of us to have to contribute to the others deductible. I personally set aside monies from my HSA/FSA for that purpose. This year I have paid the deductible twice due to my switching jobs and still not passed along any of BS’s bills because I do not feel that would be fair.
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Ex : As for the insurance portion of your email, we will be in touch as soon as we have a chance to get all the ducks in a row.
 
Me: Hi loon & SM
 
Do you have the information for me on the details of your plan? I need to get signed up soon and am perfectly fine with keeping things as they are.
 
This is morbid but do you still carry life insurance on the kids.  I signed BS up on my plan for that when I was hired here along with the optical, dental and health insurance. 
 
Oh just a heads up we are going to the dentist on the 29th.
 
EX: We’ve decided, because you’re adamant about keeping bs’s current providers and he’d have to switch over to our drs and clinics, dental and pharmacies, we’ll not going to pursue a change in coverage at this time.

Comments

Sweet T's picture

The pursuing a change in coverage at this time part.

I know I live my life waiting for that other shoe to drop.You

ESMOD's picture

Honestly, it's not a threat. I'm sure there are any number of things that "could" happen in the future. He could change jobs and get some even better coverage.

Basically he told you that he didn't feel like going to the trouble to gather that information so he was just sticking with the current plan. Maybe if he is more inclined next year he will get you the info and you can make an informed decision.

WalkOnBy's picture

it's not a "...for now until I get irritated with you and then I will do something."

Like I said, he's trying to sound smarter than he really is.

moving_on_again's picture

I agree. He doesn't want to do any of the actual work so he's trying to sound like it's his decision as well.

moving_on_again's picture

I don't see it either but of course, I don't know him like you do.

Shoot, BM sent and email to her husband's ex this morning that said, "Do you still bake cakes?" and me and his ex were immediately like WTH. When you know people are crazy, you see it while others don't. She said she is not going to respond to it. I was just amazed that BM emailed her. I didn't think she knew how.

Sweet T's picture

Thanks ladies I know you would set me straight.

Is it wrong to not want to loose the therapist or switch clinics?

It would have saved us both money but I want to be able to use our Dr's and dentist and not have to go somewhere across town for everything.

I do all the appointments and pay the bills.

moving_on_again's picture

Totally not wrong. And I agree that he was just too lazy to find out that info.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Not at all. It's always best to remain with the same providers if at all possible due to them having past knowledge of the client.

WalkOnBy's picture

It is absolutely not wrong to want consistency in the care your kid gets.

I think you did the right thing.

Sweet T's picture

The therapist is huge to me.Bs loves her and she is a great help to us. There are times he asks me to make an appointment for him because he feels himself not handdling his feelings/emotions as he should. He also really likes our dentist, in fact it is not near where we live now but hed hated this one office we tried...me too. They are so nice and old school.

WalkOnBy's picture

I totally get it. I refuse to leave my primary care doc, and she doesn't participate in managed care, so I will never have an HMO, no matter how better/cheaper/whatever it may be.

I once stayed with a high BCBS (as opposed to standard) for years because the mental health benefits were higher and I had kids in therapy at the time.

You do what ya gotta do when you find a doctor/dentist/therapist you and your kid like!

DaizyDuke's picture

Where is the veiled threat? I am kind of confused by the whole thing, so maybe I am misunderstanding, but you did tell your ex that you would wanted to continue using Dr.'s he was seeing under your plan and basically his response what that due to that statement, they are not interested in changing insurance at this time. So big deal, everything stays status quo.

you also asked for a bunch of information (provider list, ortho coverage etc.) and if he's like most typical men, probably doesn't want to be bothered to have to get all that and get it to you. That right there is where my DH would have shut down and said forget it, it's not worth the hassle. Not saying you are wrong for asking, just saying that's how most men are.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

That was my first thought, he saw a bunch of work and said nevermind I’ll blame this on you and be done.

advice.only2's picture

I wouldn't say so much a threat, more a dig at you in the sense that you aren't going to just roll over and give him what he wants. You are asking questions and wanting answers, rather than just saying "sure sounds great here have at it."

Sweet T's picture

He is constantly threatening to take me back to court....so the pursue at this time to me seems to be along that.lines. He proposed a crazy visitation schedule and then tells me they are still trying to decide whether to take me back.

He was the on whoc said we would exchange insurance info to compare , I did he came back with his responses.

nengooseus's picture

He's saying it because it gets you to do what he wants.

You cannot live in fear of going back to court.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

If these threats of court are coming from any form that written save them because you can use them to show attempted blackmail. Sort of. I think you get my idea.

ntm's picture

Generous guy, willing to add BS to his insurance at no additional cost to him and then making you responsible for all the medical expenses. Keep the child on your plan and if he threatens court tell him you'd welcome the opportunity to tell the judge a thing or two.

WalkOnBy's picture

So, Asshat and I both covered the kids. His birthday is before mine in the calendar year.

thanks to the stupid birthday rule, every single thing went toward his deductible. Of course, we split the cost of the OOP stuff at 75/25 so I got some of it back, but it really made me made that he got "credit" in that way.

Made me furious!!

Sweet T's picture

The irony is he is aslways out to get something for free and screw someone over...and he is always sure I am trying to do.it to him. Considering everything he has ever done to me or all the money he has cost me I try really hard to be fair.

WalkOnBy's picture

Yep - people who are generally shady often accuse others of that which they do themselves.