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Really Wishing I had never gotten involved.

Redsonya's picture

So I mentioned before that I have great medical and dental insurance at work. DH is self employed so he is under my policy. BM was paying $600 a month for insurance at her part time job and decided she can't affort is anymore. I offered to become the primary insurance for Skids if she would file an agreement with the court stating that she pays copays and prescriptions, we pay premiums and deductibles, and we split emergencies. After two weeks of back and forth she agrees. One condition of the agreement between us was that we come to this amicably and without judge's involvement since it is my policy, I am not required to provide skids with insurance, and I don't want to be involved in an ongoing drama. I was very clear that if she wanted to play games, I was removing my offer to cover them from the table. I also worded the agreement to state that coverage would be provided by me as long as I chose to make it available and provided contingencies where DH and BM would either split her employer's insurance or find an independent group plan, if I no longer made coverage available. We were going to verify that she filed the agreement and then give her the cards.

We haven't been able to verify that she filed the agreement - the court's website only says that the judgement (from their previous hearing) and a contempt of court was filed. She claims that she attached the signed agreement to the judgement and won't provide us with the contempt of court filing because she has til mid-March (21 days before the hearing) to do so. So today we get paperwork on a case filed with the child support services department from her. I knew that she was probably going to go after some back child support from DH (he had foolishly agreed to 60% of his income, with her promise not to go after him if he came up a little short some months, HA!). The paperwork also included a request for information on medical insurance for an insurance order. We've emailed BM and let her know that I've had enough - either she provides all orders filed with the date stamp so I can confirm she filed the agreement and there is no requests for the judge to make other medical insurance orders or changes to our agreement by tomorrow at five PM, or I cancel the coverage on MOnday.

My concern is that if we provide the child support services department with my insurance info, it looks like DH has coverage available, which he does not have through his employer. Only I do and I can make it available if I want to. I don't want them to have my info and if I choose to make insurance available, it will be at my terms and not under order to DH. What do you think - with this new filing with child support services on the table, should I just cancel and let BM and DH figure it out with the judge? If I cancel, I cannot add the skids back on until next January, so truly insurance would not be available for them. That would get me out of this drama and ensure that I am not liable for any medical bills that BM chooses not to pay. DH would probably have to fork over another $200 to cover the kids somehow (SD17 will be 18 in June anyway so after that its just one kid), but at least I don't have to deal with it. What would you do?

unwillingparticipant's picture

No good deed goes unpunished unfortunately. Because she's being difficult, if it were me, I would rescind the offer completely. You tried to be nice and she took advantage. Bad karma for her.

alwaysanxious's picture


Redsonya's picture

I don't think this would be an issue, but can the judge order me to cover them after being made aware that it was an option and I cancelled it?

Also, I would really like to keep SD17 covered and give her the cards when she turns 18 and goes away to school. She is super responsible and really deserves the help. Any potential for problems if I say I cancelled her but don't and give her the coverage in August?

alwaysanxious's picture

I can't imagine that you would have any legal obligation. You have no legal guardianship over the children.

cant win for losin's picture

You said you would like to keep sd17 covered, is your premium any different covering both?

Most Evil's picture

In my state you cannot put a child on your insurance if you do not have custody of said child.

Redsonya's picture

Hi all - no my premium isn't any different to cover both kids. I am fine doing it - I have had them on my insurance since last February as a secondary insurance provider. That doesn't bother me, because it just picks up any extra costs that primary insurance doesn't - very low risk for me. I am worried about being the primary insurance provider because if there is no agreement on who will pay what that is filed with the court and signed by the judge, all it takes is one accident or illness and I am screwed. I did talk to HR and they confirmed that the parent who brings the child to the doctor or the appoinment or checks them into the hospital will be billed first, but if they don't pay, the billing department will go after the other parent and anyone who holds the insurance policy (me).

So in short - it doesn't cost me anything now, but it could. BM is also really stupid. She doesn't understand that paying $15 per visit/prescrpition (all dental costs are free except braces) is WAYYYYYYY less than whatever premiums and copays will be part of an individual plan that DH gets on his own or her miserable %600 a month insuranance. She wants us to split all out of pocket expenses and I told her she is not entitled to benefit from my work perks and there is no way I am going to haggle over $7.50 every month. She keeps saying she is going to bring this in front of the judge. I don't want to go through a court battle over this so I told her if she does that, the offer goes away.

I guess I could keep both kids insured, have DH and BM provide their own, and remain secondary insurance.

Redsonya's picture

Wow SteppingStone! That is scary. DH and I think that BM already cancelled the skids insurance too. Her plan is to put them on Medical, but they have to go without insurance for three months first. DH's credit is already destroyed and he is filing bankruptcy because BM stopped paying the mortgage on their jointly owned home last August and the court won't do anything about it (other than order him to sign the deed over to her - he isn't going to). So not too worried about anything else that could hit him while they are uninsured.

Since BM has insurance available to her through her work, I assume that the courts will make her use it instead of going on Medical and DH will have to pay part of that - so $200 or $300 a month. DH obviously is hoping to avoid that since it doesn't cost us anything to insure them, but the fact remains that it could end up financially ruining ME since I am the policy holder.

Does your DH have insurance available through his employer? My understanding is that the parent who has insurance available must provide it. DH is self employed and so has no employer group insurance, but BM does. She thinks the courts are going to order DH to provide insurance, but I don't see how they could. Anyone know how health insurance orders are made?

beyond pissed-off's picture

You are just BEGGING for trouble and a large medical bill ruining your credit! If you want to cover your older skid when she is 18 then do so - she will be an adult and nothing she does with you will be her mother's business. But stay out of it until then or yo will seriously regret it!