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Update from RedSonya:) Life after Skids....

Redsonya's picture

For anyone who remembers me over the past couple years, I lost my husband to cancer when I was four months pregnant with our daughter, jumped into a marriage two years later with three stepbrats (one of which didn't even belong to my second husband), and a narcissitic psycho of an ex-wife. Second husband also had a drinking problem so I held everything together with my home (that I own myself) and career. That was a hard, emotionally brutal couple of years. Second husband hung himself in my guest room while my daughter and I were at Disneyland and the stepbrats tried to bring the sheriff to rifle through my belongings to find their dad's things - after I washed, packed and delivered a trailer full of his belongings to them just two weeks after he died. They somehow thought that I was even going to let BM over here to pick up things as well, ha hahahah. Oh, and I found an obituary that BM clearly posted listing BM's nephew as his "son", but not including my five year old daughter who he had raised since she was 1.

I am happy to say that I have not heard from the stepbrats since late May. We did end up getting some of his ashes after I "traded" them some photos that I found and we spread them on Father's Day. His daughter took everything of value (tools, vehicle, trailers, etc), but never went through probate where his many creditors could have filed for repayment. She also never ocntacted anyone about his death so I continue to get letters from creditors and the IRS. I have a form letter that I print and mail back providing his daughters contact info, listing the belongings that she took, and providing them with BM's contact info and a copy of the divorce decree listing the debt as her community debt with my ex. I've gone through my whole house and completely scrubbed it from top to bottom. Got rid of anything that reminds me of the stepbrats. I moved my 18 year old cousin in and she watches and picks up my daughter whenever I need her to for rent. I have been enjoying myself just reading, doing crafts, riding my horse, etc. There are still times that I think about how awful the stepbrats and BM were and I admit I am dying to see karma kick them in the butt. It's like PTSD, lol - I keep thinking they are going to show up again causing trouble. There are several men (friends of friends and business collegues) who came out of the woodwork interested in dates, but I am truly just happy on my own and living peacefully.

If nothing else, I have learned ALOT the past couple years, and from this board. I have made a promise to myself to 1) set boundaries that I feel comfortable with and NEVER allow myself to be walked on for fear of losing a man 2) if I do date again, I will be his partner, and I will maintain a cool distance from any kids or ex-wife 3) I will only get married again if it is in my best financial interest. Not ever going to make someone elses life (or their brats or lazy BM) more rich with my years of hard work. I just flat won't ever do it again. Onto a happy and peaceful life!

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Bravo. Good for you. You came back stronger and self assured after the horrible events you went through.

Redsonya's picture

How awful for your friend! The only thing I can say and what I've been telling myself is that I got off easy. I don't have to be around these people with all the fighting, backbiting, name calling, duplicitous behavior that I saw. And your friend doesn't either.

ItHasGottenBetter's picture

Congrats on your new peaceful life.

Stand firm in your decision on future relationships. You will be amazed at some of the men that will crawl out of their holes and the thoughts they have on your 'status'. You have so much more freedom in a r'ship when you are financially independent.

After DSO and I got together he told me a mutual friend of his and my late DH made this comment....She is the richest widow on ---- Ridge. I was struggling bad for a few years...I had a good job and house and things and was drowning in debt w/o my DH to help pay for these things...small life ins policy.
And another one said I 'bought' my DSO a Harley. Ummmm no, I love riding but can't operate one so I bought one and make DSO 'drive'....after I got a promotion and refi-ed my house and paid off a lot of debt first.

Redsonya's picture

lol! I am in the same boat. Great job, beautiful home, lots of debt to recover from. But I will. Refinancing my house now and it will barely effect me since I can go to a lower interest rate. Most of the men interested don't know anything about my circumstances (financially) and have their own money, which is a nice change for me. I woke up and looked around and realized that the tables have turned and 40 something men are now chasing women who have hit 40, good looking, single, educated, not crazy, and can take care of themselves. There are far too many desparate, uneducated, penniless, nasty, narcissitic women out there like my former BM at my age and men seem thrilled to find a normal one. Hopefully I am on an upward trend here, lol!

Redsonya's picture

Thank you:) I used to be very set in my ways, very cynical, and very career driven. In the last five years, I have become MUCH more flexible, in the moment, letting go of what I can't control, and grateful for everything I've had in this life. Heck, lots of my friends are in unhappy marraiges right now and I have the chance to be alone, do what I want, travel with my daughter, and do it right the next time (if ever again). Lucky me:)

Redsonya's picture

BM's best buddy is a 40 something intern at the paper - thats how that happened, lol. The funny thing is that she asked for donations to his kids in lieu of flowers. Have you ever heard of anything so tacky? Donations to charity, yes, but donations to yourselves? My goodness.

Poodle's picture

all the best with your new step-free life and sorry for all the horrors you have been through.

godess-clueless's picture

I remember your posts. The problems you went through were terrible. Glad that life has changed for the better. Good riddance to those horrible ex steps. Wishing you the best, most happy and wonderful life. You deserve it.

Rags's picture

I am happy to hear that you are doing well following your 2nd husband drama and the Skid battles.

Interestingly I understand your PTSD comment and your curiosity regarding Karma and the XW/Skids. My SS aged out from under the CO 4 years ago and I struggled with withdrawals from the drama of the constant 17+ year battles with the Sperm Clan under the CO. Sometimes I actually miss the adrenalyn of the Sperm Clan battles.

Take care of yourself and give us an update every once in a while.

Best regards,