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Sweet T's picture

Per our decree I carry the insurance on BS 10. I carried it on our entire family when we were married. My ex only paid 25.00 a month towards it until a few months ago when I switched to go through the state to manage cs. He now pays his state ordered 40% of the cost. He has never seen a medical bill and had 1 22.00 dental bill.

It is open enrollment and he sent a wife email to bm1, myself and his new wife announcing he would be adding new wife to his plan and that it cost the same to add her as it would for the plan or single only option and gave us a list of copays and said we would be responsible for those.

I responded back asking about deductible needing to be met, rx copays and ortho coverage rather than providing him my insurance info as he asked for.

I have a 80/20 with a 1500.00 deductible. When bs has medical bills before deductible is met I just pay them and do not ask for exes 40% of the bill because I do not feel that he should have to contribute to my deductible...i doubt he would do the same to me. Also bs will need braces soon and my company will pay 50% of it up to 2k. All this needs to be factored in to evaluating who insurance he goes on along with a list of providers to see if they are the ones we use.

My ex ignored me and told bs I was going to force him to get braces and he would look like a nerd.

I contacted our case worker to see if she can get that info because the state says that insurance coverage should be reviewed from time to time and I don't want to appear uncooperative.

If I don't hear back I am just enrolling bs again on my insurance.



justkeepstepping's picture

I'd just leave him on your insurance. If your ex wants to add him to his it could be used as a secondary insurance.

ESMOD's picture

There actually can be problems with this.. you may end up in a situation where you have to pay TWO deductibles before you start getting coverage because Plan 2 won't determine their liability until plan 1's deductible and covered amounts are deducted.

Honestly, I do think that the parents should pay a prescribed amount of out of pocket costs including those that go towards meeting a deductible. I am on a high deductible plan and as such have to pay the first 3500 of medical expense before my coverage begins to pay 80%.

Now, the relative cost of the additional dependent on the plan could be netted against the person carrying the insurance obligation.. but I don't see a problem with both parents being asked to kick in.

In this case, it would probably be a good idea for them to look at which plan offers the better coverage for likely use. I'm pretty sure both plans will cover routine preventive stuff for free.. but once that is done what is the deductible on each? Copays etc.. How healthy is the kid on a relative basis? Kids get sick and all.. but is there any reason to think there will be a lot of costs in the coming year.

Oh.. and event though he puts them on his medical.. you can still carry them on your dental & vision.. I believe most plans allow that to be separate elections.

One way to look at this is perhaps if you don't have to carry him on your insurance... your overall costs will be lower?

WalkOnBy's picture


Also want to say that I got bit in the butt by the whole deductible thing. Asshat's birthday was before mine and we both covered the kids. EVERY single time I took the kids to the doctor, it went towards his deductible.

Unlike you, I did ask him for his share }:)

you are waaaaay nicer than I was...

Sweet T's picture

Not really nicer just avoiding contact/conflict. The 22.00 he was a complete a $$ over.

Sweet T's picture

He even called the dentist office made them go over the bill then chastised the office manager because they discussed my charges because he asked about them accused him of violating HIPPA and made him separate our bills.

B.s. and I were on the same bill. I highlighted his 22.00 on our bill that I had already paid. I could care less if he saw what I paid for my crown.

He thinks everyone is out to cheat him which is ironic because he tried to do that to others. It is one of the reasons I go above and beyond to be above board.

At our cs review in court he complained to the judge that my insurance had changed and he was unaware. He accused me of being underhanded. I showed the email I sent him the day I found out we switched from one company to the other in our coverage and again pointed out that I alone usually hit our out of pocket deductible because of my MS meds and he never had to pay his 40%.

Rules only apply to others not to him or peopl like Medussa.

Sweet T's picture

I worked in insurance for 4 years so I am pretty well versed where he is not. His plan might be the better route and I am fine with that but it needs to be full disclosure. He never looks at the big picture he is just not wanting to have to pay money towards bs' s insurance and his wives.

He never does anything selflessly. He screwed bm1 out of 2k of ss17s braces because he didn't want to pay and she was tired of fighting and gave in.

What he said to Bs pi $$es me off.

ESMOD's picture

Since he is out of pocket "zero".. the most I would be willing to do would be to split equally (or whatever the CO says) the out of pocket costs.. which would include copays and other costs.. not just billed but unreimbursed.

Sweet T's picture

I am not going to do anything unless he responds back to my legitimate questions. His new thing is he just ignores emails that are only about bs...heck he initiated this. Everything is about control with him.

DaniellaR's picture

Oh nice, so he wants all of his ex wives to pay for his new wife's insurance coverage? Did I read that right? That he is wanting the exes to pay into his insurance?

Sweet T's picture

Daniella, he is adding his new wife to his insurance but they have only single or family and is offering to add the kids to his plan ( he would no longer have to pay a percentage towards bs' s coverage on my plan) but would expect us to pay all the co pays but will not give any details about if he has an out of pocket deductible that has to be met first before the insurance pays, if the Drs we use ( bs' s therapist) is on the plan or what his ortho coverage is....he just will not provide answers to those questions. His cost is the same whether the kids are on or if it is just him and his wife...he will save money by not having to pay money to me for covering our son.

My issue is in order to make a decision that is mutually beneficial I need my questions answered and he has no business trying to convince our son he doesn't want braces because he doesn't want to pay his court ordered 40%.

The kid needs braces and I am perfectly willing to pay my 60% and will do all 100% if I have to. My insurance will pay 2k towards them. I need to know what his does, if the plans can be purchased seperatly.

Also I pay for family insurance too and do not make him pay his 40% of bills because it isn't worth dealing with him.

Acratopotes's picture

CO is CO, there's no way in hell I will pay a portion of his new wife's insurance. And he can be assured... if he does not pay what the CO stipulates I will file against him.

His new insurance and new wife has nothing to do with me.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

If the decree states you are to carry it then tell him no and send him a copy as a remonder. Unless he is willing to work with you and provide the information you request then stick to no. He will have to continue paying his portion of sons insurance though CS as ordered and will have to cover his own all by himself because if the current CO.

If he wants to try and change it in court then you lawyer can demand that information and go from there.

In our state standard order says both parents carry which BM wanted to stick to. SO demanded her information and included his. Stating they should chose one and split the cost. At first she kept pushing for both until she finally listened to what she was being told. It would save them money to go with one and even more so since his insurance is a joke and would cover nothing.
He pays half of the cost it takes to cover the kids.

twoviewpoints's picture

I'd be very leery without 1) actually reviewing entire plan he's talking about ...not what's he's is telling you it is, but you actually reading details of the plan from the material yourself. 2) CO change that he is now providing and documentation that BS actually has been signed up and is covered.

With my own work insurance , I have three different plans to choose from and between the plans eleven different suppliers. It can mean a drastic difference in out of pocket cost. Being your ex appears to me to be a cheap *ss, my thought is he is going for a plan with the worse coverage, highest deductible and highest share pay.

I suspect his goal is yes, you (BM2) and BM1 will be paying the large majority of expense and basically covering his current wife. Supposedly it cost him the same to add just current wife than if he added current wife and all his children , or so he says. He next intention is for BM1 and BM2 to pay all out of pocket cost that concerns the kids. This ends up ex paying jack sh*t towards the cost of all of his children and him getting out of paying BM1 or you any insurance cost of medical for the children at all. He could also be locking in where and who your option of providers are your BS can use.

This is all about money for him. I'm seriously doubting he has any concern for the insurance he is signing up for...the only saving grace may be , for example, my own plan must be the same plan I select for anyone in my family I cover. Meaning whatever lousy plan he signs his kids up for would be the same lousy plan his current wife gets...but if she's a healthy 30something who doesn't bother to even do a check-up once a year he might be willing to take that chance.

Being once you wrote that you had questions on the details of this insurance he was 'offering' he immediately attacked your son about nerdy braces, indicates to me that he knows full well that once you see and understand the coverage he is 'offering' you'd say 'h*ll no'.

You're willing to do as the divorce decree says and review insurance, but your ex is not offering you a chance to actually review what he is trying to line up for consideration.

I'm also not understanding why simply providing the premium for the child's coverage relieves him of his required 40% of medical cost? Which is what his email to you indicates to me with his 'I supply insurance, you and BM2 pay all other cost of it' .

DaniellaR's picture

Every bit of this is exactly what I was thinking. He has to pay for family coverage anyway. The only reason not to add his children is him being a jerk.

Paintcrisis's picture

I’m sorry I don’t have anything constructive to add except that your ex is an a$$ still. . .

Sweet T's picture

They are both hypochondriacs to the enth degree and are constantly sick. To make it more interesting she is a nurse.