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DH? Really?


I am not sure if this is normal or not. So bare with me as I tell you what I mean. I have literally nothing of my past, meaning pictures, stuff, etc.. When I married my xh I was 17 years old and I was told by my then MIL, that it was inappropriate to keep pictures of old bf's or friends etc.

So being that I was a teenager, I figured she was wiser than me and chucked it all. It didn't really matter to me. I thought hey I'm marrying the man I want right? So is it normal to keep pictures of friends, girls, ex lovers, ex wifes(w kids in them) after you have re-married?

I will tell you what I found. I was driving DH's truck, this week because it was home and had gas, the baby's seat was in it already too. DH just recently (like last week) got a work truck and I started working from home full time monday. So I was looking for a phone charger and I thought it might be in the middle compartment between the seats. I found several old pictures.

It was like a stack of like 6 pictures. 1 picture was from a few years ago at a father daughter dance of him and the 2 sd's. 2 of them were pictures of him and some guys sitting around a table. The 3rd was a picture of a girl written on the back " '95 DH, Good luck with leslie she is a good person. Love Kristy" It was a little more than that but the just of it. The 4th picture was a baby, I assumed before I turned it over it was one of the SDs. It had "Leslie J--------- 18 months" written on the back of it.

I can see keeping old pictures. I am really not sure why they were in the middle compartment of a truck he drove everyday. Also he did not have this truck during that time, he bought it after we met. So either he found them somewhere, I have no idea where because we moved like 17 months ago, or he got them from someone recently.

So is it normal to keep the old pictures from your past, riding around with you in your present? Was he planning on seeing "leslie J" and giving her back her baby picture. If he has her baby picture they obvioulsy lived together at some point but I have never heard her name mentioned before ever. It was like when he was 20 years old and we turn 40 this year but I was just curious.

I have a few old photos my cousin gave me when she cleaned out her dad's stuff. I have that stuff put away in an old album. The other part of this is, that his longtime friend and friend's wife's name is Leslie. Of course I don't know her maiden name and if I ask, it will be suspicious.

It kind of took me aback and I'm feeling weird about it. We have a rocky at best relationship so maybe that's why I feel weird or it could be mother nature just hates me right now.



DH tends to think, I snoop. I honestly this time wasn't snooping. I have in the past because his behavior makes me antsy.

We were casually talking yesterday and I said I'd had almost all of the (12) reese's cups but it was ok because he liked "fat" girls. It was a joke. To me it was because all his friends said all his gf's were fat. So it's been a running joke.

DH said he didn't like fat girls that's why he wasn't with her. I thought he meant his exW, who is a very big girl. I said (jokingly) "oh so you aren't with her because she's fat, not because you don't love her"

DH said no I don't love her but I've been with other girls who weren't initally fat but got fat afterwards. So his tone kinda pissed me off so I said "maybe they ate chocolate because they weren't getting sex but every other blue moon like I do".

DH says huffy "they only got sex once a year". I still have no idea who he was referring to with the "they" comment. Literally we've joked about the fat girl thing a hundred of times, and yes I was joking. I have put on a few pounds, so it was more about me than his other "girlfriends".

I don't want to seem crazy. I just wandered if it was normal to hang on to those types of things in the present. To me it would be in a box or a closet somewhere. He still has pics of BM on the day giving birth to one of the kids on an old Ipod that's in the closet. It just makes me feel off, weird, or antsy.

I know that doesn't make sense but our relationship isn't the greatest. I have had people here and IRL tell me they think he's cheating. I've asked plain and simple that question and he swears he's not. My exH did so I can't trust myself on that one anymore.

Ninji's picture

If this was my SO, I would figure someone gave them to him and he tossed them in the truck never to think of them again. I love my SO, but he is LAZY. It would never cross his mind to put the pictures in an album.

Your DH may have been given the pics and didn't really want them. It's hard to tell a person No to a picture. He probably was going to toss them and forgot about it.

I have Loads of pictures from my past. Pictures of people kids and I can't even remember who they are. I even have album with BM pictures that SO is saving for Skids when they grow up.

It's not current pictures and not provocative, so I would say probably innocent on your DH's part.

Redredwine's picture

We have the same DH.

Mine rarely puts things back where he found them, or with new things puts them with similar things. He has all sorts of stuff crammed into his bedside table. It'd make anyone with organizational skills just shake their head.


I haven't asked because he takes that "accusatory tone" with me. Like "what were you looking for".

I couldn't find the charger where it was normally plugged so I thought maybe he chunked it in there. It had gotten knocked out of the space and I found it later on the floor or actually BD10 did.

I have looked in his email, he did at one time have a borderline (in my opinion) email relationship with a girl.

He said it was friendly and I said it was too friendly. It blew up from there, I blocked her on his email and told him I wanted the communication to end because she was asking where he was, why he hadn't written and if he missed her. To me ----not a friend.

DaizyDuke's picture

Honestly? It sounds to me like someone found the pics (maybe MIL, SIL, buddy) and gave them to DH. He stuck them in the console and never gave them another thought because they are old and meaningless.

I'd just flat out ask him and watch for the reaction and explanation. Your gut will tell you if he's lying.

AllySkoo's picture

I agree, I think this is nothing. A mystery, perhaps, but I doubt there's anything sinister behind it.

Yeah, I think it's normal to have old pictures. I have pictures of some of my friends from elementary school - I haven't seen them in 30+ years, but I still have a photo from when they were 10! Lol I burned the pictures of old boyfriends I wanted to forget, but some were sweet and I still have those around somewhere.

furkidsforme's picture

I think if you can't ask your husband a simple fucking question you don't have much of a marriage.

twoviewpoints's picture

Just flat out ask him. You've found him guilty already and you're driving yourself've even decided he surely must have lived with this female named Leslie. Baby photo does not automatically equate living together.

Why not just try "DH, what's up with the photos in the truck console?' Not accusatory just simply curious. He's a guy. They can be idiots. any clue how long the pics have been in the truck? I don't usually open the middle console so in my world the things could have been there since he bought the vehicle and shoved one's vehicle's contents over into the other. Maybe it's Leslie friend of his buddy. Maybe it's a handful of pics MIL found cleaning up. I highly doubt a new woman in his life sneaking around would give hi a 20yr old photo and also doubt he'd be carrying a torch around for a chick from his late teens/20-ish.

Ask him and don't feel guilty or secretive about it. The guy is your husband. When you put his diner plate in front of him this evening spit out your question. Ok, if he stutters and falls out of his chair, there might be something going on, guess you'll know one way or the other.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Why in the world would you have to get rid of pictures of your friends when you get married? I have photo albums dating back to childhood. Yes, there are albums that have pictures of my ex-husbands in them. They are buried in the bottom of a trunk. I would never get rid of them - they tell my story. Just because I am married now doesn't mean my story never happened.

If your DH is as clueless as mine he either got the pictures from someone else or found them in a box in the garage. He probably had no plan for them so he threw them in the console and that is the last he ever thought about them.

Ask him about them before you drive yourself crazy.

misSTEP's picture

Sounds like you two might have more issues than just pictures in a console.

To answer your question, I have very few pictures of any ex BFs but I still have like my prom pictures and I definitely wasn't with my DH for those. I have normal family photos in albums as well.

I do know that I am currently organizing our stuff prior to our move and I keep finding pictures of various things in different boxes. My DH tends to be a "Throw everything in a box and put it in the closet" type of cleaner. So, I keep them in a pile, give them to him and tell him to put them in his photo album. In other words, I don't think anything sinister just because they aren't in x spot.

B22S22's picture

As far as stuff in the car, I'm VERY guilty of having old stuff in there. I purchased a new car about a month ago. I cleaned out the center console and glove compartment of my old car in the dealership lot, put it in a plastic bag and threw it in the new car.

Stuff that's in that plastic bag? Stuff from TWO cars ago, when I cleaned that one out in the very same manner. One of them was a picture of my son when he was about 2 years old. He's almost 15 now. (I know, pathetic, isn't it??)


The reason I wondered if it's normal is because the picture of him and the SDs was in the house in a drawer, I know because I put it there.

The pictures of him and the guys was in another drawer in the house. The picture of the girl and the baby picture, I've never seen before.

I guess it doesn't really matter. It seems my DH has lots of secrets. It makes me feel uneasy. It seems that things seem to show up little by little or he'll say something that I didn't know about him and not sure I would have liked it if I heard it when we were dating. He is a very secretative person and I don't like it.

I couldn't just go pick up his cell phone he'd freak out! He says he wouldn't but if it's plugged up in the bedroom and I go in there for something, he's behind me pretty quick to see what I am doing.

AllySkoo's picture

Maybe he's a spy. Or a hit man! I still don't think the baby picture has anything to do with cheating, or another woman. It's just too.... odd. I don't think I've ever given a BF a picture of myself as a baby, nor have I ever received one. Is that even a thing?? I do think he's got some sort of double life going on there though, and that must be maddening for you. I'm sorry!