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Today is dd15's birthday! But all her pictures are gone?!

stepmominhiding's picture

So today my eldest daughter turned 15. My mother was going to post pictures on her social media page withh some older pictures. She went to her pictures folders  where she has everyone's pictures sorted into individual folders.  She saw that dd15 pictures were gone! She loves a little more and noticed dd14 pictures were gone too! But sd's folder was still there.  She called me asking if i thought sd would do this. I told her i know she would.

 

These are pictures from 15 years ago,  pictures that she'll never get back.  They are gone forever! I sent her some pictures i took, but they weren't the same as pictures she's taken and kept.... 

 

How do i tell dh that i think sd did this? His step mother did the same thing to his dad. Threw away all his baby pictures. He only has 2 pictures from his childhood. 

Major Blunder's picture

Wow that sucks on so many levels.  Is there anyway to allow DH to discover them missing himself and let him make the presumption?

 

futurobrillante99's picture

The pictures are most likely still there (unless someone has special knowledge on how to permanently delete them)  - you need to figure out how to recover them.

First check your recycling bin on the system. If not there, they are still on the hard drive unless written over.

Aniki's picture

You can tell your DH, but he may never believe you. It could very well turn into a "you just hate my kid" kind of thing.

Who has access to your mother's computer? She needs to set up a password so her computer is locked and no one else can access it. I'm so sorry. Sad

stepmominhiding's picture

That's what i worry about. I don't want him to think that. 

 

All my mothers grandchildren (including sd)  have access to the computer.  And yes all their files are still there too. So it would be really hard to PROVE it was sd. But she allows all of the kids to play games on her computer. But maybe there is a way to password protect the files? 

Aniki's picture

There are ways to password protect, encrypt, and/or hide folders. It depends on what operating system is on her computer.

Otherwise, grandma needs to rethink allowing access...

ndc's picture

Does your mother have any backups?  Has she checked to see if her "trash" has been emptied?  There may be a possibility of recovering the pictures.  

stepmominhiding's picture

She doesn't have many back ups, a few are on her social media,  a few are on snapfish, but only a the ones that she specifically wanted printed. She empties her trash often. She doesn't exactly know when the folders are deleted, but they are gone.  If there is any way to retrieve them, she doesn't know how. 

Iamwoman's picture

Stepmominhiding, 

You can often retrieve files even after they’ve been deleted from your computer.

Call a computer technician or a specialist.

For something like this, I would be willing to pay someone to retrieve those photos for me.

Yes, DH needs to know. So what if he starts and argument over it??

Ive learned that if something is important to me, I need to bring it up, regardless of how I think my DH will react. Has this caused explosive arguments sometimes? Yep! Do I regret bringing things up? Nope!

I can’t control how my DH reacts to things. If he chooses to engage in denial, blame-shifting, or gaslighting, (all things my DH has done to me, but only during arguments), then I know that is not my fault.

It is DH taking a problem that I have, and instead of discussing calmly, making it ten times worse, making me build resentment toward him, causing an unnecessary argument, stressing me out when I’m already stressed out (due to the original problem). 

I am then sure to add all of those offenses on top of the original offense, and I never ever back down from DH.

He always either apologizes in the end, or calls his immature response a “miscommunication” which I then mentally file away in my “ridiculous miscommunications“ mental file, so when we argue again and I feel like he has used that lame excuse one time too many, I will also be bringing that up on top of whatever the original issue was.

Don't let your DH bully you. He needs to know that SD destroyed something very precious to you.

Any inappropriate reaction on his part can then be addressed separately and on top of the original offense.

AlwaysSmiling's picture

I agree that your DH must know about this. If he wants to turn it into a 'you hate my daughter' thing, be sure to turn it back around as a 'your kid hates my kids' kind of thing. 

AlwaysSmiling's picture

I think it is definately worthy to take it to a PC shop & see if the files can be recovered, and maybe even find out when the files were deleted. (If you had that info, may be enough to pin point who was on the PC when it happened).

stepmominhiding's picture

Thank you,  i will probably bring it up after the kids go to bed. I really dread bringing it to his attention.  But you're right it is important. 

TexasPickles's picture

Ive learned that if something is important to me, I need to bring it up, regardless of how I think my DH will react. Has this caused explosive arguments sometimes? Yep! Do I regret bringing things up? Nope! 

Amen sister!

futurobrillante99's picture

Here's a good way to get her to confess.

Sit her down and tell her that you'd like to talk to her about the pictures being deleted on your mom's computer. That the computer was taken to an expert to retrieve the files and you'd like to give her a chance to come clean before you go talk to her father about what the expert found out.

That if she is honest, it would be better for her than if you show him what the expert found out.

Cover1W's picture

If your mom continues to let each kid use her computer she should assign special login and passwords for each user.  That way their access and actions can be checked and followed up on.  No way would I ever allow free access to all my information to skids!

notasm3's picture

Okay - this is me speaking as an ex IT specialist.  EVERYONE should back up important files. Even without ahole malicious skids it is all too easy to lose information only stored on one's personal computer.

If you keep a lot of personal photos, etc that are not backed up you are almost certainly going to lose them at some point.

I store everything on Microsoft one drive not my PC.  I also back up all photos on ICloud and Dropbox.  I do not recommend backing up to a hard drive that you attach to your computer.  I know so many people that lost EVERYTHING during Katrina.  Even if they backed stuff up to a hard drive or disks that were in their home - they lost that also.

 

thinkthrice's picture

the files and tell you when they were deleted.  the freeware is not intuitive.  its actually good the pc is turned off so it cant overwrite.   the bigger the hard drive the less likely it will be overwritten.  Pull the hard drive and take it to a trustworthy computer repair place and they will be able to recover the photos most likely.  I wouldn't recommend Geek Squad though.

And yes you can't backup too many times I use I drive as well as my synology NAS has cloud.

Your SD is a rotten snot, btw

stepmominhiding's picture

My mom is so sickened over it all.  I've talked to her about it and mentioned taking it somewhere to see if they can find the pictures.  She would rather forget it and just use the pictures she has now that i gave her, and off her social media.

 

BM and DH have this view of sd like she is some sensitive sweet girl.  She's a sneaky lying mean manipulative thief! And it's getting worse! It was apparent to me since she was 7, but it was only at a 7yo's level,  but i thought it was just because she felt left out,  like dh wasn't spending enough time with her.  So i made sure that when Dh has her he spends at least 1 whole day with her doing something special (going to the park, take her to get nails done,  go to movie, have lunch,  ect), or even just take her to work with him. Things got better.... until they got worse! Worse at school, worse at BM's and now even worse here! 

thinkthrice's picture

That if you don't recover the photos that means SD wins.

Not sure where you live but if you live anywhere near Upstate New York I would be glad to recover the photos for you for free.  This sounds like something my feral SD would pull

thinkthrice's picture

to chime in "maaaybe it was an aaaaccccident" "maaaaaybe it was a compuuuuuter glitch" "you can't prooooove it was SD."  

 

stepmominhiding's picture

Yea, suuure "aaaaaccidentally" went to the pictures file, and "aaaaaccidentally" clicked on dd14's file and clicked delete.  Then "aaaaaccidentally" clicked on dd15's and "aaaaccidentally" clicked delete on hers too. Lol she'll probably claim it was an accident.  Dh doesn't fall for the accident excuse luckily... not before anyways,  with something this awful, he marii choose to bury his head in the sand... i hope not. 

Sotired345's picture

He’s never going to believe SD did it. That being said that’s pretty malicious to delete all your kids photos like that. Unfortunately if you can’t prove it your just the wicked stepmother and if you do ask the kids she’ll deny it then your husband will say something like “she said she didn’t do it” “I believe her” it’s just typical. 

OverZoey's picture

I'm anxious to hear if she confronted SD and what happened....