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DH didn't made SD14 come for visitation

stepmominhiding's picture

 Dh let SD stay with her mom. He doesn't want her to resent him. I agree with y'all that he should have just gone to get her and told her she has to, but I'm not going to argue with him about it. He knows how I feel. 

He asked how I feel about what SD did. I told him that I feel extremely betrayed, like she threw us under the bus and is telling bm all these things that are either twisted truths or just straight up lies. 

But after this skid free weekend... I am thinking with a clearer head. I am sure SD is going to want to come back maybe not next time, but probably within February or March. But if nit im pretty sure dh is going to force her back. But while shes gone I'm going to enjoy the peace. It was so nice to enjoy the quiet on a weekend that normally would have been chaotic. 

Lndsy747's picture

That sucks that he didn't step up and tell her she should come but it's not something you really can control so stepping back is probably the best thing to do. 

These situations with PAS you're damned of you do damned of you don't. My SO did the same thing and allowed SD to stop coming over when she said she felt uncomfortable. SD now claims that SO stopped having her over because he didn't want to see her. So although he tried to avoid her resenting him she's just twisted it around and still resents him.

Thisisnotus's picture

Yep. There is just no way around it. Damned if you do, damned if you don't for sure.

My DH never "makes" his 12 year old come over......but looking back when she was 10 he should have forced her and all the issues that we have with her would have ended. Once you let the kids make the decisions....there is almost no going back.


2nd wives club's picture

Right. It's a "band-aid" approach to a complex issue.

His DD will probably wish dad fought harder for her to visit him, and stood up to her, and she'll blame him for that too! (see how that works? lol). She won't respect him if she knows she can walk all over him.

Thisisnotus's picture

definitely. I mean I don't really get involved b/c I'm pretty happy that she rarely comes over......but I'm sure when she's like 20 she will randomly start thinking it was all his fault.

ESMOD's picture

I don't really have a huge problem with teens not wanting to come to some visitations.. but I don't like THIS reason.  My SD's had activities and social life and we lived 2-3 hours away.. making logistics impossible.. so if they had things going on.. they didn't always come.. but BM was pretty fluid on which weekends they would come anyway.. and let him have them over long school breaks.. so it kind of evened out a bit.

stepmominhiding's picture

I don't either! She didn't come the previous thursday either because her friend's sister had a birthday dinner and she was invited to go. That's a perfectly good reason.  But she's making up lies about everyone over here and that part is pissing me off.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

So she didn't come after all. My SD didn't come over either  because BS8 was going to his grandmas house. I'm not sure how long DH is gonna let this continue because BS8 prob won't be home next weekend as well and anyways it's not SD visitation with my son it's with her father. DH and I had a huge fight in which he left for the weekend so maybe he let her not come because of that ...beside the huge fight it was a very good weekend with out SD, like seriously peaceful. Enjoy

stepmominhiding's picture

I feel like I'm not even going to ask DH if is coming or not for any future visitation. I kind of like how calm the house has been, but also I don't want to push dh at all. Its up to him. 

I hope you relax and have peace as well.