The happy family is taking picures
Bm is loving this and posting pictures all over her facebook page. She changed her profile picture to one of him and ss. She took pictures of dh sleeping on the bus and one of ss sleeping on the bus and is comparing how much they look alike. They sat at the same table for lunch and she took pictures. They even took a family picture with ss in the middle. I texted dh and told him that I do not appreciate him taking pictures with his ex and I am waiting for him to respond. I am seething right now!
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She didn't just tag dh she
She didn't just tag dh she tagged me so I would see the pictures.
Facebook Tagging
Facebook Tagging Instructions:
Click the ? on the top right tool bar
Click settings
Click Timeline and Tagging
Review posts your friends tag you in...
Good luck... but please please please... don't continue looking at this $hit all week. It will make you nuts.
Best if you go Blocking in
Best if you go Blocking in the settings....Type in BMs name, pick the appropriate person and it will block them. She can't see your stuff and you can't see her stuff.
If you can get into your DHs facebook, go in and block her from his also.
The pics she posted will go away.
Hon, BM is doing it to get to
Hon, BM is doing it to get to you and as of now, you have no control over what she does. But you do have control over how you respond.
I would be busying myself with other things for the next three days until DH gets home and you can calmly discuss this with him. Hopefully he responds appropriately by telling her to knock it the hell off. Had this been my DH, he would be fuming and giving BM a few choice words.
This isn't just pushing the boundaries, this is taking a giant shit on them. But you need to compose yourself to be able to get through this without making a bigger mess than it already is. I am hella pissed off FOR you.
No reason for him to eat
No reason for him to eat lunch with her. I'm guessing he is pretty passive and when she suggested they eat together he just went along with it? Unfortunately, it looks like your initial concerns were warranted. I understand your anger - sorry this is happening.
Based on knowledge of my
Based on knowledge of my husband... if this was his trip with SS and BM was there this is what he would have done. I can't say I wouldn't have been upset.
She's kind of making an a$$ of herself though. A LOT of effort to upset someone.
You can change your settings so people you don't want to tag you can't.
As I said yesterday, you are
As I said yesterday, you are way too obssessed with BM and your husband tells you one thing, but clearly feels something else.
Yep. What happened to "he
Yep. What happened to "he said he will ignore BM"? Eating lunch with her and letting her take pics of him (the sleeping one doesn't count, she's just a creep) is not "ignoring."
Laney, you have bigger issues than BM and that's your DH.
Hell, I just endured back to
Hell, I just endured back to back college graduations with the Things.
Guess how many pictures there are with Asshat and me in them together? That's right, ZERO!!
When I ignore someone, I really ignore them.
And I'm sure your hubby
And I'm sure your hubby totally appreciated it. Dayum, WOB, your nose was spot on the the DH doesn't seem as adverse to BM as he was telling OP.
As I said yesterday, I think
As I said yesterday, I think the DH doth protest too much.
At OSD's wedding, I suggested
At OSD's wedding, I suggested a picture of the bride with both my DH and his EX. I actually did it almost as a pre-emptive strike against the EX. Made me look golden in everyone's eyes at the wedding too }:)
Oh.. there were pics with me
Oh.. there were pics with me too with her and her father. But I made sure that SD also got one with both her Bio parents. It made me look generous. Some times the high road is worth taking.
I agree that DH should be
I agree that DH should be putting his foot down with his EX.
I would probably send a text to my DH along the lines of
"See you and your wife are having a great time together on your trip. I just love seeing all those pictures on facebook of you guys having fun together"
Then let him worry about whether he will find his clothes on the lawn.. lmao.
Actually, I'm not sure 100% what I would do. It's clear that his EX is trying to get a reaction out of Laney. So, do you make a big deal and she gets the satisfaction? Or do you kill her by "liking" every single picture and putting comments on them like "oh how cute".
I would have a serious conversation about boundaries with him when he gets home and how disrespectful it is to his current wife when he tells her he will behave one way but then acts another.
If this was a school function
If this was a school function they were attending, isn't likely anything unusual was going on. Pics on Facebook seems normal, pics of them with their kid seems normal. Sometimes it makes sense to be pleasant and get along with an ex during school activities. Perhaps next time you also could attend.
For some reason, taking
For some reason, taking pictures of someone while they are sleeping seems like an intimate and/or creepy act. I realize they are on a bus full of kids, but there is something about it that seems personal to me. Sure, DH had no control over it - but she is pushing appropriate boundaries.
I agree. Taking pictures of
I agree. Taking pictures of your husband sleeping is way over the line! But.... there is nothing you can do about it at this point. Please block her from all social media so you don't have to be exposed to any more of this.
There's nothing you can do
There's nothing you can do about it now, try not to drive yourself crazy over it, find something else to do (easier said than done, I know).
He divorced her because he didn't love her, did not even like her, but unfortunately, she's his kid's mother and is on this trip.
He's certainly not ignoring BM like he said he would but maybe he just doesn't want to look like a jerk.
Refusing to eat with someone
Refusing to eat with someone you claim to hate doesn't make you look like a jerk.
I find it amazing that an 8th grade kid sat with his parents instead of his friends during lunch. My 3rd grader students would not do that. They would sit with their friends and just run over to their parents if they wanted something.
Families sitting together on a bus would not happen either. The kids would be grouped together while the adults sat in spots near the various groups.
All this happy family stuff going screams that your husband is not being 100% honest with you. BM may be acting like a crazy stalker because your husband is giving her the green light to do so.
You could see other kids at
You could see other kids at the table and they didn't sit together on the bus. SS has an arm of another kid in his sleeping picture.
We're all pretty pissed. Do
We're all pretty pissed. Do you have a hot guy friend that can come over and help "babysit" while you "take a nap" I'm not suggesting you do anything creepy with the guy but what if your baby fell asleep on him while you are all "watching a movie".
Okay, maybe not the best idea. But, it sounded good.
"BM has succeeded in
"BM has succeeded in humiliating you"
I'm not so sure about that. It really is just Laney that is going to attach meaning to those pictures.
People who know the parties involved will think. "gee how nice divorced parents can get along for the sake of the kids" Not really a horrible thought.. though maybe not as true as it seems in the contrived pictures.
People who don't know them might think they are a couple.. but they would be mistaken. If they don't even know laney exists.. again, she isn't humiliated.
The worst of what is happening is that her DH isn't doing a very good job of maintaining his boundaries with his EX. As a result, he is helping to create a situation that hurts Laney's feelings. Ex is also trying to get under her skin and is succeeding with her DH as an accomplice. Now, this is the kind of thing that is tailored to look innocent to the outside world and only bother the target.. laney. Her DH is allowing it to become this issue at this point.
How close is she sitting to
How close is she sitting to him on the bus for her to get the picture? Who is DH sitting with?
It's possible their son or
It's possible their son or one of his friends took the picture. I bet every kid on the bus was trying to snap crazy sleeping pics of their friends, parents and teachers.
I don't know who dh sat with
I don't know who dh sat with but ss was sitting with another kid. Dh isn't answering his phone or text
Are they already at Disney?
Are they already at Disney? He may be busy getting the kids where they are supposed to be. If he is still on the bus I would be upset and feel like he was ignoring me.
They do Disney tomorrow. They
They do Disney tomorrow. They are doing other activities today.
HUSBAND IS ALLOWING ALL OF
HUSBAND IS ALLOWING ALL OF THIS. End of conversation. Actions not words. Actions not words.
Who saw this coming? Raises
Who saw this coming? Raises hand.
BM got what she wanted. A family trip.
Raise my hand too. Her
Raise my hand too. Her husband is dumb. So, so dumb, it's painful. I actually feel a little bad for him (if I wasn't so mad for OP.)
'cause if you think about it, why would you risk getting the woman you love (and live with, and are currently married to) furious at you to please the woman you (supposedly) don't love?
You know, if you don't block
You know, if you don't block all this from seeing it on facebook, you're going to be a worthless meltdown blob on the floor before the day is over.
That's not fair for your little one. Block BM. Get off FB. Spend some time enjoying your toddler.
Nothing you can do about any of it now. Constantly texting DH and squealing and demanding this or that from afar? Forever to be labeled the insecure jealous SM by all the other parents on the trip? To have your DH declined as activity chaperon on all future school events because he couldn't take care of his assigned duties being too busy with the SM in his pocket (phone)?
Get off FB. Take the little one to the park or zoo. Deal with your DH when he gets home. If BM is truly after your man, you're playing right into her hands by being the melting down wife, hysterically binging DH ...she's right there, she knows how you are reacting.
Have some dignity woman. If your marriage and relationship with your husband can be shaken and snagged away this easily , what kind of marriage/relationship did you and he have in the first place.
Go out and enjoy the sunshine.
^^^This^^^ Quit communicating
^^^This^^^ Quit communicating with him at all - like for the rest of the trip. He wants BM's attention - he has it. Which means he doesn't have yours.
I wish we had a like button
I wish we had a like button for this
Stop calling and texting. Stat!
TwoView wins the thread. I
TwoView wins the thread.
I think she hit the nail on the head here Laney.
Don't let this shake you. You call your best friend and vent it all out. You ugly cry, you man-hate you talk about what an a$$ your DH is being right now.
But tomorrow....
You wake up, you dress up and you show them what the ______ is up.
Don't ever let um see you flinch.
How about a selfie and "check
How about a selfie and "check in" at the local divorce atty office? lol.
(not suggesting she actually file for divorce.. just an innocent selfie in front of the office... maybe tagging it with the quote "I want half Eddie...from coming to america).
Delete his number from your
Delete his number from your phone and block both of them to prevent any further communication until he gets back. You can always re-add him later
This!!
This!!
I like the BLOCK part because
I like the BLOCK part because you won't see the calls but it will go straight to VM... he'll get the picture.
I can hear that you're upset,
I can hear that you're upset, but I've never understood the picture issue. My husband has taken many pics with his ex-wife, just as I did before mine was out of the picture. If I sent that text message to my husband, I cannot imagine his response would be nice. Nor would my response if he sent it to me. Fact is, we each have kids with other people. There are going to be pictures with the other parent.
It's a kid event. Just last
It's a kid event. Just last week we had Ann event where hubby took a pic with his kid and BM. It wasn't a graduation or wedding, but it was a kid event; similar to an 8th grade field trip.
Were they in another state on
Were they in another state on a long weekend trip?
If it was just a kid event, no problem.
They are on a trip, out of state, and will be gone for 3 or 4 days. Like a family vacation.
It's a kid school event. It's
It's a kid school event. It's not a family vacation.
Because a picture was taken?
Because a picture was taken? Not hardly.
Would your husband be okay
Would your husband be okay with your ex taking pics of you and the child while you were sleeping? Would he be okay if your ex put you and your kid as his profile pic? (Which, by the way, is hella weird. Like you're not even IN your own profile picture but your remarried ex is?)
In the context provided? I
In the context provided? I can't imagine he would, if my ex was still involved. I wouldn't if his ex did it. Then again, we share pics all the time.
O...kay... that's strange.
O...kay... that's strange. But to each their own. I know mine definitely wouldn't be okay with it. He'd be the polar opposite of okay with it. I guess if you guys are comfortable enough with it, great, but in a lot of people's cases, they wouldn't be.
Thing is, though, you can't
Thing is, though, you can't control an ex. If she took the pic, she owns it. So even if one has an issue with it, there's not a lot they can do about it.
I think this is a total Dick
I think this is a total Dick move by BM. I want to make it clear that I feel she is doing this to get under your skin.
HOWEVER, Regarding your DH. Lets paint the picture. He and SS are together trying to have a bonding moment. BM shows up and starts to tag along. DH is annoyed.
DH and SS decide to grab a bite to eat lunch, BM invites herself to join them
What do you expect DH to do? Do you expect him to tell her off in front of SS? Do you expect him to force SS to choose between spending time with DH or BM? You have no idea what is going through your DH's mind. If he is smart he is probably having a heart attack just knowing how upset this is making you. But he has ZERO control over BM.
I'm not sticking up for BM here, I think she is a skank. I just feel that your DH deserves the benefit of the doubt. If he is in pictures with his arm around BM or sitting closely to her then YES you have an issue. If they aren't sitting together and have SS between them in pics, maybe he is just trying to keep the peace so SS can enjoy his time.
Just hold off on the slaying until you talk to him.
This is kind of my thought
This is kind of my thought too. Not to say if this was happening to me I wouldn't be pissed.
Then pull BM to the side and
Then pull BM to the side and tell her to knock it off. Get up and say, hey I have to go check with some other kids/the teachers etc, I'll be back in a little bit. Tell SS to go spend time with his mom. This way SS doesn't have to choose. There's a million ways to both make it not awkward AND not have to spend time with BM.
I agree that is how it should
I agree that is how it should have been handled. But I can also see DH being blindsided by BM coming and sitting down with them at lunch, uninvited. DH won't look at BM and say "get the hell away from us" in front of the son. Plus the DH can't help that the BM took pics while he was sleeping.
Now don't get me wrong. I would be FURIOUS...just at BM. I would hold my fury toward DH until I heard the details of how it all went down.
But then again, I probably never would have stayed behind, Especially after finding out BM was going.
Besides.. a picture also only
Besides.. a picture also only captures a moment in time. The time those pics were taken may have been the ONLY times they were seen together.
When you are a chaperone, you
When you are a chaperone, you have to stay with your assigned kids. You really can't just get up and go do something else. I chaperoned a trip to Disney and frankly, it was hell.
Her DH is their doing a job for the school, BM just tagged along, I think she works at the school, once she knew the DH was going.
Oh wow....BM got a family
Oh wow....BM got a family picture once. DH let her have SS to take family pictures and then when he went to give him back they asked DH to smile for his picture with SS and BM step back into frame next to him. I was very pregnant and busted out laughing because I saw it comding. My mom, never one to mince words, blurted "what the fu€k?!" I hushed her while to control my own laughing. DH called me over asking me for our family picture and my mom "no you already got a family picture" I had to explain to him why she was upset. He said he didn't know BM's intentions to get back in the picture and he was on the spot so he didn't move away. He did send BM a message about never to put him in the position again because he will embarrass her by reminding her they aren't together in front of God and everyone. Meh. What did she do? Posted the picture on Facebook telling her friends how she's so lucky to have this picture because DH threatened her if she asked for another and how SS will be so happy to have this memory of them together.
Yep. My point: the delusion is so real for these ego-centric females. She's doing it because she thinks it makes her important. If it were me I wouldn't be home when he gets home.
But is it the OP's DH fault
But is it the OP's DH fault or BM's fault?
Both. DH could have told BM,
Both. DH could have told BM, hey I want to have one with just me and SS. But he didn't. Doesn't matter if he didn't know BM was going to step into the frame. The moment she did, he should have made it clear he wanted one with just him and SS.
I once read a very good book about how a predator's mind works, and they use situations where their victims are worried about looking impolite to strike. While BM is not a rapist, these are the tactics people use to worm their way in and the only way to stop it is the moment it occurs.
IMHO... there are plenty of
IMHO... there are plenty of ways to get out of that situation if BM just decided she was going to join them uninvited. "Hey, we're having some guy time here". "Or SS wants to talk to me about a girl". Or, excusing himself to "check on XYZ (kid/activity/process)". After a couple of attempts on her part it will be obvious to anyone he doesn't want to be around her any more than he has to be (and these are still polite "outs") and ideally she would stop rather than make an a$$ of herself.
But I agree, if this was me I would be thinking about which part of the lawn his stuff was going to end up on if he doesn't have a great explanation for, if for nothing else, being STUPID.
Same with Asshat and me.
Same with Asshat and me.
there are no pictures of the two of us from our daughter's wedding, nor her graduations, nor the Things' graduations.
That's just the way we like it. He is so far gone from my world that I don't even think "oh, wouldn't that be nice for the kids?"
No, it wouldn't. I am remarried as is he. Done.
Don't kid yourself. He's
Don't kid yourself.
He's spending all of this time with BM BECAUSE HE WANTS TO. Yes BM is aggressively pursuing it, but if he weren't happy with it he'd put a stop to it ASAP.
It's your choice as to whether there will be any consequences for him or if you will just suck it up and accept that's what he wants.
BM has snuck some pics of
BM has snuck some pics of DSO. It was a few years ago when SS turned 16. He was in juvie, or group home, and they all, other skids included, went to see him. They drove in separate cars there.
Its funny bc the pics BM took of DSO, he is sitting at a picnic table with his BIL clearly 2 tables over than where BM was sitting. If you know DSO, you can see by the look on his face he was pissed at her. I think DSOs SIL even commented that DSO didn't look happy.
This situation does bite. I
This situation does bite. I would send him one more message. Tell him to flag/report the photos to Facebook as not permitted to be posted of the ones of him in them and especially the one sleeping( creepy). They will likely remove the photos. He could ask BM to take them off since he is so chummy with her.
After that message, block everyone and go silent for the rest of the trip. Perhaps go somewhere else and not be home when he gets back. Leave the baby with your mom or a sitter and go home on your own, whenever you are ready to sit down and talk this out, including your expectations for future behavior and his ignoring your texts and calls. Not acceptable.
For the moment, forget about it. Enjoy time with baby.
This man is a weak, spineless
This man is a weak, spineless jellyfish. It wouldnt surprise me one bit if he already banged bm sometime during the trip. She obviously wants him..and he doesnt seem to be worrying about his wife. If that happened to me, his clothes would be on the footpath, along with every damn thing he owned..followed by a divorce. I could NOT handle that shit.
The school is posting
The school is posting pictures and dh and bm are in the background talking. I'm so pissed at him!
Maybe he is to embarrassed to
Maybe he is to embarrassed to make a scene and tell her to go away. He has to know you will see the pictures? Did he ever text you back last night?
I would be a total bitch - I
I would be a total bitch - I would not contact DH at all, but each and every photo she posts of my husband will get reported as.... not authorized to public post this photo... FB actually take it down.... with in 24 hours.
or I will comment on her photo's of DH... wow I have such a sexy husband... BM are you jealous that you left him and now I have him?
BM why are you posting pictures of another woman's husband all over your face book, you got divorced years ago and he's my sexy heart throb now....
stop seeing red Laney... start playing the game...... she tags you.... you tag DH in your comments...
just let us know - I think we all can help you with comments on those photo's lol..... When we are done with BM she will delete her FB profile
I haven't read all of the
I haven't read all of the responses and someone may have said this already but YOU are his wife, he should not be taking pictures with any other woman except a sister, mother, aunt someone like that. His ex is his ex, no pictures, no trips, no talking about anything other than SS. It's disrespectful to you, his wife. You have every right to be mad, I would be livid!! She is disrespecting you and so is he.